A Dork's Diary: Memoirs of Keira Matthews
by Sukie Lou
Summary: A dazzling satire of modern human relations amoung young magic people? An ironic insight into the life of an ordinary witch? Or the self centred moaning of a neurotic teenager?
1. An Intro to the Horror that is My Life

**Saturday 21st April  
16:32  
The common room  
Raining  
Hard**

Whew, I've just seen a sparrow be quite literally washed off its perch. Although that might be something to do with the fact that the Whomping Willow – the tree upon which it was perching – is in a particularly aggressive mood today.

There are ten things wrong with my life at the moment.

**1)** I have got a new spot  
**2)** It is on the end of my nose (dammit all)  
**3)** This means I'm going to get my period soon, which means cramps and awkward excuses as to why I need to go to the Hospital Wing for a painkiller  
**4)** I have not done my Transfiguration essay, my Potions homework _or_ my Care of Magical Creatures project despite the fact that they are all due in on Monday  
**5)** This will undoubtedly land me in _yet another_ detention  
**6)** And what's more I just had two weeks in which to do all that homework in so I have no valid excuse  
**7)** As a result of the argument I had with Yasmin yesterday involving the throwing of my ink pot there is now a huge black stain on Louise's sheets and she is going to go ballistic when she comes back tomorrow  
**8)** In two days the Easter holidays will be over and it'll be back to lessons  
**9)** It's end of year exams and probably some kind of mock NEWTs this term  
**10)** Elodie (Smellodie) Rivers did not go home for the holidays

This sucks. It really does suck. When I came to Hogwarts I thought it was going to be really fun. Leila always used to come home for the holidays with stories of just how brilliant wizard school was. And I can remember really, really hoping I was a witch myself. I can also remember practically throwing up with excitement on my first day. I thought I was going to love it at Hogwarts.

Huh. Fat chance. Right now I'm sitting in a corner of the common room writing in my diary instead of doing the essay that I long ago lost interest in. It sucks even more that Yasmin – who has totally forgiven me for losing her necklace, by the way – has written about eighteen inches since half three (and her writing's tiny). My three and a half inches of large scrawl looks pitifully feeble next to hers.

Yasmin looked up at me and pushed her glasses up her nose.

"How much have you written, Kee?" she asked.

"Err..."

I held up my essay. Yasmin smirked.

"You need to put more effort into that," she said, taking it and reading my two sentences. "Come on, you know you can do so well if you try!"

"No I can't," I said sourly.

"You can, or you wouldn't be a Ravenclaw," said Yasmin. "Look, just put your head down and get on with it. That's the only way one can do these things."

Well that may be ok for Yasmin – who would be top of the year if it weren't for Hermione Granger – but not for me. I really don't know why I'm in Ravenclaw, to be honest. I guess the Sorting Hat must have just gone into default mode and shoved me in the first house that came to mind. It doesn't help that Leila got straight Os for her OWLs and near perfect NEWTs, too. Mum and dad don't even know what they mean but they know that Leila is an exceptional witch. They also know that I am not as good as Leila and can never hope to be, either. So that's another load of pressure on my back.

Oh bugger. Here comes Smellodie. I know that Yasmin and Lou say I should give her a chance, but it's really quite hard. But the thing is I don't have the guts to tell Elodie to just bugger off because I know that if I do she will not only make my life Hell, but all my friends' lives too.

As well as being totally and utterly gorgeous – long, thick blonde hair, bright blue eyes, no spots at all, figure to die for etc. – and really brainy, Elodie is also completely loaded _and_ she's going out with Justin Finch-Fletchley. (Claw, claw.) She's also Queen of Bitching-Behind-Backs and putting people down in that innocent-yet-blindingly-intentional way. And what's more she thinks I'm her friend. Ack.

"Hi-i!" she said brightly, slipping into the chair next to me. I glowered. Yasmin gave me a warning look and said, "Hi, Ellie," in tones of forced pleasure.

"Hey Yaz. You haven't done that essay yet, Keira?" she said, peering over my shoulder at my miserable attempt at an essay. "You need to hurry up; it's due on Monday. I say, that's pretty poor, isn't it? I did mine at the beginning of the holidays and Mandy told me it was almost definitely an O, and then Lisa said I should get a commendation for it. I'm sure they were only saying that, though!"

I am genuinely sure they were only saying that. Mandy hates Elodie as much as me. However, dear Smellodie obviously believed that Mandy had been telling the truth. The false modesty was so bloody disgusting that I wanted to hit her on her stupid pretty head with something very hard, but I abstained with a smile.

"Oh, by the way, you do know you've got a huge red spot on your nose?" Smellodie said, looking at me with pity.

Heroically refraining from gouging her eyes out I gritted my teeth and replied, "Yeah, I'd noticed."

"You see, I don't get spots," said Elodie, sitting back in her chair with that smug air she always uses for gloating. "It's because I take such good care of my skin. And I eat a lot of fruit. You should give up the chocolate, Kee."

I scowled. I really detest Elodie. I know I shouldn't because it's not right and I'm probably going to Hell for it but I honestly would like her to jump under a bus. (If they have busses in the wizarding world. I doubt that Miss "I'm-too-good-for-the-Muggle-world-I'm-a-pure-blood" Rivers would have heard of busses.) Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. I don't want Elodie _dead_. Grievously injured, maybe, but not _dead_.

"Actually," said Yasmin, "spots are caused by stress, which chocolate is a good comfort food for. Fatty and greasy foods don't actually cause spots; it's just an urban myth."

Good old Yaz. I knew being friends with someone that smart would come in useful one day.

"Whatever. Well, I have to go now; I promised I'd meet Justin. He's coming back today! Yay!" said Elodie, standing up and looking thrilled. Yasmin looked slightly alarmed. "I'll see you two around!"

And she practically skipped off.

"Oh, I hate her!" I said, staring after her with a no doubt evil look on my face. "I really hate her. I hope she rots in Hell."

"Really, Kee!" said Yasmin, reproachfully adjusting her glasses and carrying on with her essay. "But yeah, she is a bitch isn't she?"

I laughed, but Yasmin doesn't hate her the way I hate her. Yasmin has no idea about me liking Justin Finch-Fletchley. Well, if she does know it's not through me. I haven't told her. Or Louise. Or Mandy. I don't think anyone knows except Terry Boot, and that was because he caught me doodling "I ♥ J.F.F" all over my notes in History of Magic last year.

"J.F.F?" he said, peering over my shoulder. I snapped my notebook shut. Didn't work, however, because I'd written it on the cover as well. Dammit all. "Who's that then? Do share."

I blushed. I blush a lot. Irritating, I know, but I guess I can't help it.

"Ok," I said, trying not to look him in the eye because despite the fact I was staring at the floor in shame I could tell he was grinning. "It's Justin Finch-Fletchley."

"Ah, I should've known," said Terry in an irritating know-all voice. "Well, I guess you could do worse than Justin."

"Whaddya mean?" I had said, flaring up at him in the way I do when someone insults Justin.

"Well, you could do worse," shrugged Terry. "Zacharias Smith, for instance. But you could do better."

"Like who?" I said crossly.

"I dunno...Stephen?"

I laughed.

"Stephen? Are you joking? He wouldn't look twice at me; he's got that Hufflepuff girl. Thingy."

"Thingy? That's precise."

_Sarky git,_ I thought.

"You know who I mean," I had said, waspishly. "The little redhead with the braids."

"Megan Jones?"

"Megan Jones."

"I'm not saying you're supposed to date him, I'm just saying you could do better than Finch-Fletchley," said Terry.

I still haven't got a clue what he meant. Terry's cool enough in his way but he can be very confusing – and a little irritating – at times.

Goddamn it! Yasmin has written about another foot since I started this entry and I still haven't exceeded my few lines. Bloody Smellodie. Bloody memories. Bloody bad concentration span.

I think I might accidentally break my leg on Monday. Or something a bit less easy to repair, like my neck. Or I could just track down Gilderoy Lockhart and break my arm in front of him. Judging by what happened to Harry Potter in the second year that wouldn't be so easy to repair.

Oh God, if there was ever a good time for the school to be attacked by marauding Death Eaters with large amounts of fire, it's now.

**Sunday 22nd April**  
**19:50**  
**My dormitory**

I practically walked right into Justin and Smellodie in the library today. (Last-ditch attempt to do bloody essay.) She was giggling like crazy and her jumper was on back to front. What he sees in her I don't know.

Well, actually I do. I know exactly what he – and the string of boys before him – see in Elodie. She's gorgeous, smart and can sweet-talk you into believing she's a sweet, innocent, good-hearted little saint. Add on rich parents and nice clothes and _voila_. Boy's fantasy.

"Hi, Kee!" said Elodie, brightly. I tried not to scowl.

"Hi," I said, making sure I didn't look at Justin, because I knew that if I did I would go the colour of a tomato.

"Hey, you're spot's going down!" she said, happily. It wasn't. It looked even worse today. And I could just tell Justin was staring at my nose and thinking, "Who gets spots like that?" Bring on the blush. "You should buy some cleanser to put on it."

Elodie then starting going on about various types of spot cream and concealer and stuff. Tempted to decapitate her, but lacked means. Finally after the tirade of fake helpfulness and innocently delivered put-downs, Elodie chirruped, "Byeeee!" and led Justin away, leaving me with an essay to do and my ego somewhere around the centre of the Earth.

Marvellous. Bloody marvellous.

Louise came back today and found the stain on her sheets. She just raised her eyebrows and used a scouring charm. When that didn't work and she realised it was indelible she went absolutely mad.

After about five years of ranting and shouting about being me and Yasmin being careless and stupid and totally reckless with other people's property, Lou managed to tell us that she'd had an excellent time in Barbados on her holidays. Apparently the apartment had air-conditioning and a pool, she got her own room instead of having to share with her brother and she's come back with a lovely holiday tan. She's even prettier than she usually is.

Oh yeah, _and_ she met a guy there. Of course, she didn't tell him she was a witch because he was a Muggle. But she still had a thing with him, even if he didn't know entirely who she was.

"Obviously I couldn't give him my number or address because we don't have a telephone and the postman doesn't know where I am," said Louise, matter-of-factly. "I think he thought I'd lost interest, to be honest. But I don't really care; it wasn't like a commitment. And anyway, I've got my sights on that hot Gryffindor. Y'know, the artistic one who's friends with the Irish guy? Dean Thomas. Oh, did I tell you about when I went body-boarding?"

You see? That's what I should be doing. My parents aren't poor. Ok, they're not loaded like the Riverses, but neither are the Spinkses. They should be jetting me off to exotic countries for the holidays instead of leaving me alone with Elodie Rivers to do impossible essays all Easter. Louise is so lucky.

Ok, I know Louise is lucky. She's a bit like Smellodie, but she's really nice and not so rich. She's pretty, but in a different way. She's got big brown eyes and dark hair and she's just really pretty. And she's smart. Ok, she's not like Yasmin, but she's smart none the less.

Louise has done _all_ her homework despite being in Barbados for the holidays.

I've definitely improved on my essay. It's now eighteen inches, but lacks a certain something. Yasmin's is four feet nine inches! I don't know how she managed to write that much but obviously she did.

Hmm. I wonder whether she'd let me copy some of hers.

**19:55**

No.

**Monday 23rd April**  
**8:15**  
**Common room**

Frantically finishing off my essay when Terry appears out of nowhere.

"You not done that?" he says.

"Does it look like I have?" I snap irritably.

Terry gives me a Look for about five seconds. It's a thoroughly unnerving five seconds.

"I'm sorry, but I'm a bit tetchy today," I say, holding my hands up in a peace-making gesture. "As you may have noticed, I have homework due in about ten minutes."

"Need a hand?" says Terry.

I look up at him, thankful as Hell. Terry is bright, and I know that everyone in Ravenclaw is bright, but when I talk about Terry I'm talking really bright. Gifted bright. In-the-same-league-as-Yasmin-Padma-and-Hermione-Granger bright.

"Thank you!" I say in genuine gratification. "You have saved my life, Terry! Really you have. Now please tell me what the hell this means!"

And then Terry Boot – resident sarky smart-arse of Ravenclaw – actually sits down and gives me a hand with my essay. The finished result is actually quite good. I should get an A, although I doubt I'll get an E. It's not O material, definitely not. But then I never get Os for homework.

"Oh, thank you Terry, you really are a pal of the first class!" I say in delight as I sign "Keira Matthews" at the bottom. "If you ever need anything you can ask me."

Not that Terry would need anything. And if he did he wouldn't come to me, Keira Matthews: lazy, dorky, clumsy sod. But it's a nice gesture.

"Welcome," said Terry, cheerfully. "I'll see you around, Keira."

And he just left. Just like that. How someone can be so jaunty after writing an essay – and what's more someone else's essay – I don't know. But that's Terry Boot for you.

**9:35  
Transfiguration**

**Passing notes**

Mandy, have you _seen_ the lipstick Smellodie is wearing today? Kee xx

_God, I know. Why does she think that bright pink suits her? She needs to wash of some of that eyeliner, too. She looks like a panda._

Oi! That's offensive! Those poor pandas!

_Oh my God, you're so right. Poor pandas!_

That's better. So what are you doing at break?

_Dunno...probably hanging around trying to catch a glimpse of Harry Potter. Why?_

Why do you like him, Mandy? He's so..._weird_.

_He's not weird; he's had a lot of grief. You'd be weird if your parents had been murdered and you'd had to face YKW three or four times._

He shouldn't have gone looking for You-Know-Who if he was so bothered. Ok, his parents' deaths were crap luck but in the First year and the Second year he just went looking for trouble! Ditto last year!

_Kee, if he hadn't "gone looking for trouble" you'd be at home with your mum and dad and YKW would be back._

You-know-who _is_ back, or hadn't you noticed?

_Well, he would've been back sooner. Anyway, according to the_ Daily Prophet _Harry's the Chosen One and only he can defeat YKW._

That's probably rubbish. When you live as a Muggle you learn that you can't believe the tabloids.

_You don't even read the_ Prophet, _Kee. Your parents don't get it._

Newspapers are all the same, wizarding or Muggle.

_Anyway, even if he is a bit messed up, it doesn't stop him being totally gorgeous!_

What? You-know-who?

_No, idiot, Harry!_

Mandy, he doesn't even know you!

_He will do, especially now I'm on the Quiditch team. He has to notice me when he plays against me._

Mandy, he will not think you are totally gorgeous and desirable when you're flying around all sweaty throwing a big red ball with your hair in a mess. Trust me on this one.

_You'll see. Harry Potter will be mine eventually._

Look, can't you set your sights on someone a bit more attainable? He doesn't even

**10:32**  
**Break**  
**A bench in the Courtyard**

**Conjuring Spells: What are they and how are they stereotypically seen in Wizarding and Muggle society?**

The Conjuring Spell is the more advanced opposite of the Vanishing Spell. The name sums it up completely: it conjures the desired object/animal/person to where you want it to be (if worked properly). Depending on the complexity of the desired subject, the spell is harder or easier i.e. an inanimate quill is easier to conjure than a frog, a frog is easier to conjure than a human etc.

Note: Professor McGonagall, those notes that Mandy and I were passing in class were strictly work related, I swear.

That's 68 words. 1432 more to go.

**12:15**  
**Care of Magical Creatures**

Because the Salamanders we are supposed to be working on have run off somewhere and Professor Hagrid is rounding them up (not sure how but he has a sledgehammer), we're just sitting around waiting. It's very dull but it could be worse.

Justin is sitting nearby, but I can't go up and talk to him because he's got stupid Smellodie sitting with him. Grrrr. Does she _have_ to ruin every little aspect of my life? Everything she does is designed to tick me off in some way.

"You ok, Kee?"

Mandy and Louise appeared out of nowhere. Yasmin doesn't take Care of Magical Creatures; it clashed with Arithmancy. And it was the only subject she got less than an E on. I was quite chuffed when I got an O, but I've always liked Care of Magical Creatures. I don't care what people say. I think Professor Hagrid actually uses some very interesting animals (apart from that period in the third year when he used Flobberworms after a Hippogriff attacked Draco Malfoy). The Skrewts were a bit dodgy but they were _interesting_. And last year was great! We did Thestrals and unicorns and loads of cool stuff. I'd quite like to join the _Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures_ department if I get the right grades in my NEWTs.

"Yeah," I say, although with Justin and Smellodie nearby I'm never ok.

Lou sits down next to me and clocks Beauty and the Beast.

"She must be excellent at the whole sweet-talking thing," she says, frowning slightly. "Surely he must have _noticed_ what a bitch she is?"

"Evidently not," I say, trying not to sound too bitter.

I can still remember when Elodie and Justin got together, although at that point I didn't have a crush on him. He was just...well, he was just my gawky Potions partner. We had always got on reasonably well but it was only in the fifth when I really started to fancy him.

Anyway, in Potions one day he confessed to me that he had a huge thing for Elodie. Obviously I was highly amused that anyone could possibly fancy someone that horrible, but I didn't tell him. He also told me he was planning to ask her to the Yule Ball. To be honest, I really didn't care. All I cared about the Yule Ball was the fact that _I_ had a date. Dean Thomas had asked me and I was really pleased. I didn't actually fancy him but I had said yes because I needed a date. Naturally this was before Louise started liking him or I wouldn't have dreamed of saying yes.

So whenever anyone brought up the topic of the Yule Ball I just thought, "Yay! I have a date!" and didn't really concentrate. If I knew that Justin was going to turn out really, really ridiculously good-looking I probably would've told him that Elodie had a date.

Of course due to some stupid advice I probably gave him he asked out Elodie and they ended up dating after the stupid Yule Ball. At the time I really didn't care. Now I wish that I'd told him all about Smellodie and her bitchy little ways. Goddamn it, why do I always bugger up everything? I wish I was a Seer. Then I wouldn't be sitting here watching Smellodie and Justin all over each other. It might have been _me_.

Well, probably not. But it would be more likely to be me if I'd been a Seer.

I suddenly realise that Louise has just asked me something.

"Err...yeah, I totally agree with Mandy," I say, hoping I'm not signing myself up for experimental brain surgery or something. "Yeah, I completely agree with what you're saying, Mandy."

"See?" said Mandy, turning to Louise. "Even Keira agrees that they don't set us enough homework to keep track of what we've mastered at what pace."

Nice job, Keira.

**Tuesday 24th April  
12:55  
Lunch break  
By the lake**

It's really lovely weather today. It's so sunny and nice. Shame Professor Flitwick has dumped a load of extra homework on me. It wasn't my fault that Terry got soaked! It was that idiot Theodore Nott. He bumped right into me and made me point my wand in the wrong way. And Terry didn't seem to mind much. He actually thought it was quite funny, I think.

"You know, Kee, it's AH-gwa-MEN-tee," said Yasmin as I muttered the spell to myself and produced no water. "Not Ag-WAH-mentee. Look."

She waved her wand, said, "_Aguamenti_!" and a neat jet of water shot out of her wand. She watered the grass for a second before the water went out. I frowned. I've always been jealous of Yasmin's ability with spells.

"How are you so good at this stuff?" I grumbled, saying the same thing over and over again. No water appeared from my wand.

"Damn you, bloody thing!" I said, crossly waving my wand around and saying, "_Aguamenti_!"

Finally, it worked. However it wasn't the controlled fountain of water that Yasmin had produced. No. My water came out in a torrent, soaking not only my schoolbooks, but an innocent couple walking by. I looked up to do my usual grovelling apology and recognised the blonde hair.

The satisfaction of soaking Smellodie Rivers to the skin was soon replaced with horror when I realised that the person she was walking with had to be Justin Finch-Fletchley.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I said, trying my best to look sincere. And I was. I really was. Well, about Justin I was, anyway. "Here, let me try and dry you off. _Incendio_! Oh no, that's the wrong one! Oh crap!"

Due to me being a total klutz the spell made Justin's sleeve catch fire. He looked slightly alarmed.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Hang on, I'll just..."

"_Estinguero_," said Yasmin, almost lazily waving her wand in the direction of Justin. The great robe inferno went out.

"Thanks, Keira," said Elodie in a nasty attempt at sarcasm as she dried off hers and Justin's robes with a hot air charm. "I need to redo my hair now. Next time I want to be drenched I'll come to you."

Justin didn't say anything. He just looked at me. Like I was a complete and utter freak.

I am.

**My Top Five Most Embarrassing Moments...Ever!**

**5)** When being sorted on my first day of Hogwarts, I fell off the stool backwards. Public humiliation _and_ a nasty bump on the back of the head.  
**4)** Walking in on a pair of Beauxbatons students...y'know, _doing it_ at the Yule Ball. I don't know who was more embarrassed: me or them. Either way I didn't stick around long.  
**3)** Slipping into the lake during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson in which a Skrewt went on the rampage. Lucky I'm a strong swimmer.  
**2)** When Dean Thomas tried to kiss me when we were dancing at the Yule Ball. Even though he only got the corner of my mouth it was really embarrassing for both of us. Actually, that made it _more_ embarrassing because it was blatantly obvious that I'd only said yes because I needed a date. And on top of that Mandy saw and kept calling him, "Your fancy man."

**But the number one moment when Keira Matthews was the most embarrassed in her lifetime was...**

**1)** Soaking Justin Finch-Fletchley with a terrible water-conjuring spell and then setting his sleeve alight.

Life is really a bitch sometimes.


	2. One Green Eye

**Wednesday 25th April  
18:34  
My dormitory**

My books still haven't dried properly from yesterday's escapade with _Aguamenti_, so I can't do any homework. Such a shame. Anyway, I am currently alone in the dormitory standing in front of the full-length mirror. (Something I can only do alone because generally you can't get to it due to Smellodie being stuck in front of it constantly.)

My hair...quite nice in its way. It's a bit of a boring brown but dyeing it blonde is a no-go option since that unfortunate incident with the peroxide when I was ten. The bit that snapped off grew back quite quickly but mum hides all the toilet cleaners and stuff when I go home now. Although, as I told her, I didn't know that blonde streaks done with peroxide go all stiff.

Eyes. Well, they're ok I suppose. Light, clear blue but kind of green too. A sort of turquoise colour. Obviously I'd prefer them to be a bit more interesting, like bright green or some sort of other unusual colour. Maybe yellow, like Su Li's. Or at the very least a brighter blue. Smellodie has bright blue eyes and she's a total bitch. I never did anything to anyone (well, not on purpose) and I got stuck with the light ones.

Nose. Well, it's a bit long, but I guess it could be ok. At least my freckles are light. Louise has loads of freckles on her nose but they're a lot darker than mine. She still looks dead pretty with them, though. They're kind of endearing. And Yasmin already has olive skin so she really doesn't get freckles. She doesn't get spots, either. She's so lucky.

My mouth and chin are ok. No point in making a big thing out of them because they're pretty unremarkable. Teeth are fine. Ears are fine. Eyebrows are fine. Neck is fine.

Figure. Well, could be worse. I could be like Millicent Bulstrode. However just because I don't weigh eight or so tonnes it doesn't hide the fact that my bum's getting bigger, my hips are getting fatter and my chest _refuses to grow_. I know that everyone's chest grows in its own time and I'm bigger than quite a few people in my year but still. And of course Smellodie – who could probably use her bra as a shopping bag – has not hesitated to point this out to me and every possible opportunity.

Ho hum ho hum. After contemplating my appearance I really am bloody depressed. Thinking about your flaws really does that to you. Well, it does that to me. Yasmin doesn't get depressed by her flaws. She doesn't care that she's not that pretty. She just gets on with her work. Mandy doesn't seem to care, either, but then she is actually very attractive in an outdoorsy way. She's very tanned and rugged-looking. I thought only girls found ruggedness attractive but apparently boys do too. And Louise just doesn't have flaws. Neither do Lisa or Padma or – dare I say it? – Smellodie. However Lisa, Lou and Padma are nice with it rather than stuck-up like Elodie. Morag just gives everyone a piece of her mind if they criticise her appearance. She's don't-careish, like Yasmin. So basically I'm the only person in the dormitory who has imperfections and gets depressed over them. I guess that's my biggest imperfection of all.

Lisa and Padma came in suddenly, making me jump. I leapt sideways. I didn't want them to know I'd been staring at myself in the mirror. They were both very giggly.

"Hey Kee," Padma said, sitting herself on my bed. (Humph.) "You will _never_ guess what I just heard!"

"What?" I asked, eager in case Justin had ditched Elodie and fallen wildly in love with me.

"You know Su Li and that Gryffindor girl, Alison Runcor?"

"Yeah," I said, heart sinking. To be honest, I couldn't believe Padma had asked me that. Everyone who doesn't live in a cave knows about Su Li and Alison Runcor: the most temperamental couple in the whole year.

The Su-Alison thing is just boring now. It was interesting for a good gossip at first but now it's just boring. There's only so much on/off/on/off you can take.

"Well," said Padma, looking at me with a cheeky grin. "Apparently they're over for good now! Alison dumped him and she swears that she's never going to take him back!"

Yeah, yeah. Alison and Su have broken up for good several times.

"Why?" I asked, knowing I'd regret it.

"Well," said Lisa, chipping in, "Padma told me that Parvati told her that Lavender Brown was told by Megan Jones who was told by Hannah Abbott that Su was kissing another girl, and somehow it got back to Alison."

"Err..."

Really there's nothing you can say to that. It took me about ten seconds to absorb that very long sentence. Both Padma and Lisa were looking at me expectantly.

"Don't you care, Kee?" asked Lisa, eyes narrowed. She gets on well with Alison, as in fact do I. But really I don't care about whether Su was caught with someone else.

"I...I'm just totally shocked," I fabricated. "I didn't think they'd break up for good. I can't believe Su would do that to Alison. Who was he caught with?"

"I dunno, Hannah said she couldn't see properly," shrugged Padma, as Lisa looked mollified. "Some blonde."

"Hmmm," I said. Lisa is blonde, and very pretty too. It could've been Lisa, I guess, but I doubt it somehow.

Padma checked her watch.

"Whoops! Sorry, guys, I gotta go," she said, getting off my bed and chucking her bag over onto her own. "I promised I'd meet Blaise about five minutes ago. Seeya!"

She left. Lisa watched her with narrowed eyes.

"What does she see in him?" she said.

I heartily agree. Padma is very pretty, very nice and very clever and she has half the year lusting after her. However she goes for that smug Slytherin git Blaise Zabini. I have been on the end of some Muggle-Born hostility from him many times and he really is a bastard.

"I know. What is she doing with him?" I said.

"Well, I guess I should go," said Lisa, shrugging. "See you around, Kee."

"Yeah," I said, and as she left, sidled back in front of the mirror to check whether my spot had gone down.

**19:05  
Common room**

After about half an hour of appearance-debating and trying to dye my eyes green (didn't work...well, didn't work well anyway) I went down the stairs to find Yaz, Lou and Mandy thoroughly into a large game of Exploding Snap with Kevin Entwhistle, Morag MacDougal, Terry Boot, Su Li and Michael Corner. I decided to join in.

"Hey," I said, sliding into the circle between Mandy and Louise. "Mind if I join?"

"Not at all," said Kevin. "Just wait until the end of this..."

There was a large explosion and Morag's face emerged from a cloud of black smoke.

"...round," finished Kevin, laughing along with the rest of us as Morag grinned good-naturedly at us, despite the black marks now on her face.

The round finished and I was dealt in. After quite a few games (I won six! Ha!) we decided to take a break. Suddenly three fifth year girls – Emma Whittington included – appeared out of nowhere. Well, not literally, but y'know.

"Hi!" said Emma, brightly, grinning at everyone. I can't stand Emma. I know I should like her seeing as she's so nice and everything but she just irritates the arse of me. "How is everyone?"

I scowled and got up.

"Wow, I've got homework to do," I lied. "I'll go and do it over there."

Lame, I know. But no one cared; they were watching Yasmin's sister Chrissie do her trademark balancing-a-pack-of-cards-on-her-nose trick.

"You do realise one of your eyes is bright green?"

"ARGH!"

I jumped in my chair. Terry Boot was leaning over the back of it, grinning.

"I asked you whether you realised that one of your eyes in bright green," he repeated.

"What?" I scrabbled around in my bag for a mirror, found one and looked into it. Sure enough, one of my eyes was bright green. It really stood out. "Oh. Oh _crap_..."

Terry slid onto the arm of my chair whilst I swished my wand around the direction of my face and tried to get my eye to become light blue again.

"Oh bollocking buggering bum," I muttered.

"Something wrong?" said Terry, ironically.

I gave him what I hoped was an effective shut-up-or-else look and carried on trying to turn it blue. Terry watched in cynical amusement for a few minutes before saying matter-of-factly, "Y'know, I could put that right for you in a second."

"You could?" I said, eagerly.

"What's it worth to you?"

I scowled (this is becoming something of a habit lately) and said, "I knew there'd be a catch. Name your price."

"Hmm...money means so little these days," he said, innocently.

"What do you want then?" I snapped.

"I dunno."

He pretended to think hard.

"How about a kiss?" he suggested innocently.

"WHAT?"

I was too surprised to even hit him, which is what I would normally do under the circumstances. He is a terrible flirt; everyone knows that. However he rarely turns on the old charm for me.

"Just a quick one," he said, smiling slightly. There was something about his face that just made me crack up laughing.

"Ok, ok," I said, giving in weakly once the giggles had subsided. "But it's just a kiss, ok?"

"What else could it be?"

"It's not a snog. Just a kiss."

Terry snorted.

"Whatever makes you happy, Matthews."

I laughed, leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"There. There's your stupid kiss. Now put it right!" I said.

"That wasn't a kiss!" said Terry in indignation. "That was lousy. You still owe me a kiss."

"That is not fair!" I said.

"You soaked me in Charms yesterday," he said, reproachfully. "So I reckon that's _two_ kisses you owe me."

Oh damn. I'd forgotten that I'd soaked him as well as Justin.

"Terry, don't push..."

"And I heard you did the same thing to your dear boyfriend afterwards," said Terry in the most infuriating voice I have ever heard in my life.

"Not boyfriend, Terry."

"Oh, sorry. _Elodie_'s boyfriend."

"Low blow!"

"Oh dear, how thoughtless of me," he grinned. "Well, we'll knock one kiss off your debt list, shall we, to make up for my meanness?"

I was about to reply in the positive when I saw that look of mock genius.

"I know! Instead of that, let's say I owe _you_ a kiss."

"Hurrah," I said sarcastically. "Look, we'll sort out who owes who how many bloody kisses later. Right now could you just put this eye right?"

"Sure," shrugged Terry. "If you promise I'll get that kiss at some point."

"Whatever," I said impatiently. "Take an extra one."

"Are you sure? I'll hold you to that."

He will, as well.

"Ok, scrap that. I'll give you...something. Not a kiss."

"How about s...?"

"Nothing sexual. Just hurry up and turn the bloody eye back to normal," I said.

"Ok, ok. Just don't take this the wrong way," he said, and he took hold of my chin and turned my face towards him. He got out his wand and pointed it at my eye, muttered something incomprehensible and then, very abruptly, put his face forward so our lips met.

After about five seconds my repeated punches got rid of him.

"You bastard!" I said, admonishingly

"I owe you no kisses," he said, cheerfully. "Of course, it would have been a lot more enjoyable if it had lasted longer. And just a tip for you, Keira: next time, try it without the beating. I didn't find that particularly pleasant."

"If you think there's going to be a 'next time', Boot, you have another thing coming," I warned. However when I peered into the mirror again my eye was back to the usual boring blue. "Thanks for the eye thing, though."

"Pleasure. So you still brooding over the fact that Finch-Fletchley hasn't ditched Elodie then?" he said, evidently for the idea of taking up half of my chair and bugging me for hours.

"Shut up," I said. "Just shut up."

"Ooh, I appear to have touched a nerve."

That's when I hit him quite hard on the head.

"Ouch!"

"You brought that on yourself."

We were just about to start the usual jokey blazing row when the Stinking One wandered over.

"Are you two going out or something?" she asked.

Generally in a situation like that I'd go bright red, but as it was with Terry Boot I just laughed it off.

"Yeah, right!" I said.

"Because I saw you kiss like a minute ago," Elodie said.

"That was him," I said, jerking my thumb towards Terry who raised his hands in mock surrender. "He was being a sod."

"Cheers," said Terry, sliding back onto the arm of the chair so I could curl up again. "If you want to know, Ells, Keira owes me two more kisses because I turned her eye back to blue _and_ she drenched me the other day in Charms."

Oh goddamn it.

"She did that to me and Justin too, but I'm over it!" said Elodie in a forgiving martyr-like voice that seemed to say, "Strangle me! Strangle me!"

"Hmm," I said.

"Oh, and why was your eye not blue?" asked Elodie, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"Nothing of importance," I said, going red. "Look, Sm...Elodie, I'm really kind of busy now."

"Oh, ok, I'll leave you two to it," said Elodie, with a hideous comedy wink. She darted off looking rather smug.

"Now look what you did!" I said, rounding on Terry. "Now she's going to spread it all around the school that we're going out or something!"

"Who cares?" shrugged Terry. "We know it's rubbish."

"Yeah, but everyone else will think it's true!"

"So what?"

I shoved him off the chair.

"Get lost."

"Fine," he said, wandering off somewhere.

"And...get a wash!" I added lamely.

Dammit all.

**Thursday 26th April  
10:15  
Herbology**

God I hate Herbology. Not because I don't like the subject. It's a perfectly good subject and I did well in it. However this year due to Matthews being in close proximity with Nott and Yasmin selfishly dropping Herbology I'm lumbered with Theodore Nott as my partner. We openly loathe each other. He hates me because I'm Muggle-Born and I hate him because he's an evil little bugger. Not only is he the son of an infamous – and now thankfully imprisoned – Death Eater and a spiteful little git to boot, he is also the most stupid person on the entire planet. And I'm including Vincent Crabbe – that well known part-troll part-sandwich in that remark. It's a wonder he actually managed to turn up to his Herbology OWL, let alone pass it.

"Oi! Mudblood!" he said, tapping me on the shoulder. I was all set to turn around and throttle him for calling me that name _again_, but Morag gave me a warning look and mouthed, "Don't bother with him."

"Yes, Theo?" I said in fake sweetness, turning around to face him. (Although he's such a titch I have to look down to look him in the face. And I'm not even that tall.)

"Have you sorted out those Nigerian Shrivelpods yet?" he asked. Or should I say demanded. Asking is too polite a thing for Theodore Nott to bother with. He orders or commands or stipulates. (Get my vocab.)

"Not yet, I'm waiting for you to help me. Funnily enough that's what partners _do_."

He frowned. A terrifying sight.

"Why?"

"Because you're supremely intelligent and I can't function properly without your awesome intellect," I said ironically.

The sarcasm made a faint whistling noise as it flew over Nott's head.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "Don't you forget it, Mudblood."

"Oi!" said Ron Weasley, who was walking past with a Shrivelpod plant. "You watch your mouth."

There was a brief argument that Hermione Granger dissolved by dragging Ron away by the ear before Nott turned back to me and said, "Well. Get on with it."

Tempted to concuss him with the plant pot, but decided that that would be inappropriate conduct. Also it didn't help that Professor Sprout was standing right opposite us, having a go at Morag and Ernie Macmillan – who had somehow managed to blow up their plant and send Shrivelpods bouncing off the windows – and would have seen me and put me in a detention. So Nott was left to live.

For now.

**12:45**  
**By the lake with Lou**

Happily sitting under the usual tree with Louise when a bunch of Slytherins wander over. Blaise Zabini and his buddies. Obviously bored with tormenting Harry Potter and his friends, they'd come to us.

"This is our tree," said Blaise, standing in front of the others, hands on hips in a leader-like way. "Hop it."

"Get lost, Zabini," said Louise, looking up at him and scowling. Zabini changed his tone when he realised it was Lou. Lou is pretty and not Muggle-Born. She's not in Gryffindor. She basically passes the Slytherin test.

"Well, you can stick around, Spinks," said Zabini, giving her a leer. Lou frowned. "But Matthews has to go."

"Why?" demanded Louise.

"Because she's a disgusting Muggle," said Zabini, giving me a filthy look.

"Listen, you," I said, drawing my wand. "Unless you want me to tell Padma about you eyeing up my friend here, you'd better shove the Hell off."

Blaise gave me a nasty look but left without bothering us further. Generally I get stick from the Slytherins due to having Muggle parents, but sometimes they give up easily. I was about to continue my discussion with Louise when Justin Finch-Fletchley came over.

He glanced at Louise and me (in that order) and said, "Hi. You're Ellie's friends, right?"

Lou gave me an amused look and said, "Yeah. I'm Lou, this is Keira."

"Yeah, I know," said Justin, his eyes on Louise. He didn't even glance at me. Well, no straight guy would when Lou's around. "Could you tell Elle that I finished that homework for her?"

"You did her homework?" I put in, bravely. I felt the redness as Justin acknowledged me for the first time. He didn't look too happy with my question, either.

"She's very busy at the moment," he said. "You're Keira Matthews, aren't you?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"You're the one that drenched me and Ellie yesterday, aren't you?"

Oh dammit all.

"Yeah...uh, sorry about that," I muttered, staring at the grass as I no doubt lit up like a beacon. "I was just trying to work the charm...I didn't mean to soak you, I swear. I just haven't got control of the water yet."

"That's cool," said Justin, smiling slightly. "I believe you. You wouldn't soak Ells deliberately, I know you wouldn't. You're best friends."

Interesting.

"Mmm," I said, trying to smile attractively without making a huge idiot out of myself.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around," he said, shrugging and leaving.

Damn I love him.

**Ten reasons why Justin Finch-Fletchley should be going out with me and not Elodie Rivers**

**10)** There is absolutely no way I would ever betray him. Ever. I bet Elodie would; she's ended up cheating on nearly all her previous boyfriends.  
**9)** With me, he wouldn't be one of the endless hoards. He'd _mean_ something to me. Actually, he'd be my first proper boyfriend. (Dean Thomas was not a boyfriend; he was a dance partner to the Yule Ball. Doesn't count.)  
**8)** We're both Muggle-Born so we can stick together if the Slytherins start being arsey.  
**7)** I wouldn't try and sap presents and money out of him. Smellodie does this even though she's rich enough to buy her own stupid drinks. And his. And the rest of the pub's.  
**6)** I would treat him with respect. Elodie treats him like her pet dog.  
**5)** We have more in common. I know for a fact he likes tennis and...well, he likes something that I like too but I can't remember what it is just now. But he likes it, whatever it is.  
**4)** I would never get cross with him.  
**3)** I appreciate the fact that he is completely and utterly gorgeous.  
**2)** I'm not a total bitch.  
**1)** Because I love him more.

I do, I love him a lot more than she does.

And ever will.

Suck on that, Rivers.


	3. Why Voodoo and Sausages Shouldn't Mix

**A/N: **This is a very random chapter and it doesn't fit in so well, but it's some comic relief. The next chapter is in progress!

**Friday 27th April**  
**17:35**  
**My dormitory**

We're going to have a real girly night tonight, i.e. sleepover type thing. Louise and Morag went down to the kitchens and came back with loads of food stuffed up under their robes. They looked really odd shaped but no one said anything to them.

"This is all I could carry," said Lou, emptying a load of cream cakes out of a bag that she'd had under her jumper. (On _my_ bed. What is it with my bed?) "I think people thought I was pregnant or something."

Yasmin laughed.

"Whatever. What did you get, Morag?"

Morag emptied a load of savoury snack things next to the cakes. I winced as grease from what looked like cocktail sausages went all over my pillow.

"Wow!" said Padma, taking the huge amounts of food in. "The old diet is going out of the window tonight."

We all looked at Padma. She's probably got the best figure in the entire dormitory. Well, that's the general opinion of all the boys in the year, anyway. Why she diets we will never know.

"I can't be bothered with diets," said Morag, flatly. It's true, and no offence to Morag, but it shows. Don't get me wrong here. Morag is lovely. She's very outspoken but we love her for it. She's smart and fun. However she is a bit...uh..._sturdy_, shall we say. She doesn't care, though. "Waste of time. I like my food; that's that."

Padma raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Lisa decided to avert a massacre by saying, "Are we going to include Elodie in this? I mean...she's not very considerate, is she?"

"No," I said, flatly. I hate Elodie more than anyone in our entire dormitory, but that's probably because I fancy her boyfriend. "She is _not_ joining in. No way. Nada. Never."

"Well, that _is_ a bit mean," said Louise, doubtfully, but Morag stamped on that one.

"It's Elodie's own fault," she said. "If she took her head out of her arsehole and started being a bit nicer then we might let her join in. As that hasn't happened yet, she isn't joining in."

"Isn't that a bit nasty?" asked Lou.

"No. It's a lot nasty," said Mandy matter-of-factly. "Smellodie can get over it as far as I'm concerned."

"Seconded," said Yasmin, raising a hand. "Right, let's get this stuff out of the way before Smellodie reappears."

The stuff was promptly put out of the way. Apparently out of the way is code for under my pillow.

"You don't mind, do you Kee?" asked Padma as she arranged the chocolate muffins so they didn't look too noticeable.

I was about to remark that Hell yeah I did, but Mandy got in first.

"Course she doesn't. Keira's nice like that. Just don't get into bed, Kee, or you'll squash all the stuff."

I glowered. Can't even get into my own bed. There is such a thing as being too damn nice for your own good.

**23:30**

Sitting on the floor and trying to make it look to Elodie like I'm not there. I told her I had to do a Herbology essay that was due in the next day. (Thankfully Smellodie dropped Herbology or she would have sussed me in an instant.) When will she fall asleep? When?

God this is sooooooooo boring. Why won't Elodie sleep? Why?

"Elodie!" I hissed, to try and check if she was awake.

"Kee? Is that you?"

She sat up in bed. Bugger all.

"Did you finish your essay?" she asked.

"Err...no," I said. "I'll just go and fin..."

"All work no beauty sleep with make Keira a spotty girl!" said Elodie in what I guess was meant to be helpful tones. "Go to bed!"

"Umm..."

I paced around a bit, and tried to make it look like I'd got into bed without lying down on a hundred or so bits of food. However I saw the shadow of Elodie sit up in bed and say, irritably, "What on Earth are you playing at, Kee? Get into bloody bed!"

I winced and got into bed. I instantly felt at least two éclairs burst cream all over my back. I heard Mandy swear softly from my right.

"Thank you!" said Elodie and lay down again.

**23:48**

Thank God, she's dosed off. She'll be asleep for hours now; nothing wakes Elodie up except possibly a blowtorch to the backside.

Hmm. Interesting idea. Must make note of it.

I leapt out of my bed and lit a torch.

"EWWW!" I said, scrabbling under my bed for some new pyjamas.

"Kee?"

I heard Lisa's voice and saw her sit up.

"Is that you? Is Elodie asleep?"

"Yes," I said. "And I'm covered in cream."

I found a new pair of pyjamas and changed quickly whilst Lisa shook Padma to wake her up. Mandy has already climbed out of bed and was staring in disappointment at the mess we'd planned to use as food.

"Aww!" she said, in frustration. "What the Hell did you do that for, Kee?"

"I didn't bloody _want_ to!" I said indignantly. "Elodie bloody Smellodie wouldn't bloody go to bloody sleep!"

"Ok, ok, chill out!" said Mandy, hands raised.

(I _hate_ it when people do that! It's all very well for _them_ to tell you to chill out but it's a lot harder than it sounds, especially when you've just been lying on a load of cakes for about ten minutes whilst waiting for someone you _don't even like_ to go to sleep! ARGH!)

At this point everyone except Smellodie had woken up and was gathering round what was left of our food.

"I think this was a choux bun at one point," said Louise, holding up a sad and soggy bit of pastry covered in white stuff.

"At least this stuff survived," said Morag, gesturing towards the stuff at the end of the bed than I hadn't crushed. "And the sausages and the cheese and stuff are ok. They're a bit squashed but I bet they still taste good."

"Well, we'll make do with what we've got," said Yasmin bravely, laying everything out and getting rid of the cream on my bedding with some kind of charm. "Let the Ravenclaw Sixth Years Girls' official Elodie-free girly night commence!"

**01:15**

We have to do this more often. It's too damn fun. We're currently playing Truth or Dare. Mandy just did a striptease at the bottom of the stairs. She said she didn't _think_ anyone saw her, but you never know what innocent first year might have been lurking in the common room trying to do homework, muahahaha.

"Ok," said Yasmin (whose hair is no longer very dark brown but bright bubblegum pink due to a stroke of genius I had when I had to dare her), "Lou's turn. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," she answered, instantly. She's had six truths already. We now know about her secret crush on Roger Davies, her teddy bear and her most embarrassing moment.

"Ok," said Yasmin. "I dare you to...eat this."

She scrabbled around under her bed and brought out what I recognised to be a _Weasley's Wizard Wheezes_ product. It looked innocently like a Fruit Pastille. Yeah, right.

"Hmmm," said Lou, picking it up and sniffing it apprehensively. "Looks like a lime wine gum to me."

"Just eat it," said Yaz. Louise did.

She chewed expectantly, and swallowed. We waited for about a minute and then suddenly she threw up a load of green spit. It shot out of her mouth at about 100mph. All over me. Marvellous. Bloody marvellous.

"Oh great!" I said, very sarcastically, reaching for my wand. "Isn't this magical? I'm covered in gob!"

I actually managed to pull of a successful scouring charm and the stuff all came off. Lou gave me an apologetic look.

"Ok," said Mandy. "Kee's turn."

"I go for...truth," I said. I'm a total wuss at dares. Can't do them.

"Ok," said Louise, looking suddenly evil. "You have to tell us out of all the Ravenclaws in our year, who would you most like to snog?"

Oh crap.

Who _would_ I most like to snog? Well, obviously Justin Finch-Fletchley, but he's not a Ravenclaw, so he's out of the question. Anthony Goldstein is quite good-looking. So is Michael Corner. But I don't know if I'd like to _snog_ any of them.

"She snogged Terry Boot!" said a voice we all know and hate.

Elodie had woken up.

Bollocks.

"Why didn't you invite me?" she pouted.

"We did," said Mandy, promptly. "You didn't wake up."

"Ok!" said Smellodie, mollified. For a smart girl she saw is naïve. She climbed out of bed and pushed me out of the way so she could join the circle. "What are we playing? Truth or Dare? Oh I _love_ this game!"

"Hold up," said Lisa, shifting onto her knees and looking interested. "What's that about Keira snogging Terry?"

Oh Hell's bells and Satan's thong. Bloody Smellodie. Go to Hell, go to Hell.

"I saw them snogging on Wednesday evening in the common room," said Elodie, smugly. "He turned her face towards him and then they snogged."

"Really?" said Louise, staring at me. Everyone was staring at me. Shut up staring! "Is that true? You snogged Terry Boot? Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know you fancied him!"

"I _don't_ fancy Terry stupid Boot, and it wasn't a snog, it was a kiss," I said, going bright red. "And _he_ kissed _me_. And if Elodie had seen properly she would've seen me beating him off."

"Oh, _that's_ what you were doing!" said Elodie, brightly. "I didn't see properly. Why was he kissing _you_?"

"Because...hang on, why _shouldn't_ he kiss me?" I said, offended. What's so wrong with me? Then I realised the impression I was giving. "No, scrap that. He kissed me because he said I owed him two kisses and he owed me one."

"Why on Earth do you owe him two kisses?" asked Yasmin.

"Well, I soaked him in Charms the other day, didn't I?" I said. "And then I turned my eye green and he corrected it for me."

"Why does he owe _you_ a kiss?"

"He...uh...he said...something," I muttered, not wanting to admit to what he had actually said about Justin and Elodie and me.

"What?" demanded Louise. She's so damned nosey!

"I can't remember," I lied. "Something about my nose. It was mean, either way."

They were all staring at me. I could tell I was red as a tomato. Two tomatoes. I was redder than a bottle of tomato ketchup wearing a devil costume on a hot day. In the oven.

Elodie interrupted the awkward silence by saying, "Ok, my turn, my turn!"

I knew there was a reason that she was alive! It was to distract my friends from me in embarrassing situations.

"No," said Yasmin, suddenly. "I've got a better idea."

Elodie looked disappointed, but we lesser mortals were eager to hear. Yasmin's ideas are generally very interesting – if not a little painful – and it should make a good story.

"I read this thing about voodoo."

"What now?"

"Voodoo. It's like traditional Muggle magic. Black magic. Summoning the Devil. That kind of stuff."

"Hold up, Moon," said Louise, holding up her hands. "I ain't summoning any demons."

"We don't _have_ to summon demons," said Yasmin. "The ritual I read about was one in which you can get inside someone's memories, but it's like you're them."

"What?"

I was confused.

"You could get me to remember about buying a sandwich or something, but it would seem to you like you were buying the sandwich."

"Huh?"

Everyone was utterly bemused.

"It's like you being in my body," said Yasmin, exasperatedly. "Look, we can try it out if we have the right stuff. I have the book; I got it out of the library for Muggle Studies. We're studying voodoo and Pagans and Wicca at the moment, it's really quite fascinating. Did you know that April Fool's Day originated with the Pagan New...?"

"Shut up, Yaz," said Morag, flatly. We were all silently relieved.

"Well, here's the book," said Yasmin, retrieving it from her bedside table. "Let's see..."

She put on her glasses and opened the book near the back. It must have been the same size as a small cupboard. She ran her finger down the index and turned to the appropriate page.

"Here we go!" she said happily. "Right, we need candles."

"I have a few that I bought in Barbados!" said Louise, excitedly jumping up to get them. "Is it ok if they smell like lavender?"

"Doesn't say, but I'd imagine so," said Yasmin, scanning the page. "Go and get them. And we also need to make a circle out of something...has anyone got string?"

"Why would we have string?" I asked sceptically.

"Ok, smart-arse, do you have any better suggestions?" asked Yasmin.

"Umm...we could use necklaces and stuff," suggest Louise. "I have loads of beads and stuff like that."

About five minutes later we'd constructed a wonky circle out of every bit of jewellery we owned.

"Hmm," said Yasmin. "It's a bit small. Only two could fit in that at a time, I think. Kee, get in."

"What? Why me?"

"Just do it."

We both clambered into the circle. I sat down cautiously.

"Now, I want you to really, really concentrate hard on one memory," Yasmin said. "Just really focus on the thing you want me to see...Mandy, could you read out that incantation thing? The bit in italics."

"Sure," said Mandy.

I shut my eyes and focused on the first night in the dormitory. That was when I'd first met Yasmin. Yasmin and I just gelled from day one. I thought she'd appreciate that one. I could hear Mandy chanting weird, foreign-sounding words in the background, but I concentrated on that one memory...

Suddenly I could see. And I could see myself looking straight into my own face. It gave me quite a fright until I realised I was in Yasmin's memory. It must have been a couple of years ago

"Yaz?" said the other me in a wheedling tone. God, do I really sound that posh in real life?

"Mm-hmm?" I said. But it wasn't my voice, it was Yasmin's. And I could hear her real voice in my head. It said, "I bet she wants to copy my homework or something."

I could hear her thoughts! Wowee!

"Can I borrow some of you bracelets? For the Yule Ball, I mean? None of mine go with my robes."

"Wow," said Yasmin's voice. "She doesn't want to." Then I, as Yasmin, said, "Yeah, sure. I think those blue ones would be ok. Why? D'you want to make a special effort for Dean?"

I saw myself blush.

"Well...I wouldn't say that," I said. "I just...y'know...wanna look nice."

God, I garble. N.B.: Plan sentences out before speaking and _enunciate_.

Yasmin/I laughed.

"Sure. Feel free."

The other me went off and Kevin Entwhistle came up.

"So, Yaz," he said. "Keira Matthews has a date, huh?"

"Yeah," Yasmin/I said. "She's going with Dean Thomas."

I heard Yasmin's thoughts again. "She doesn't even like him, though. She only said yes because she needs a date. Doesn't she realise Kevin fancies her?"

Kevin Entwhistle fancied me? Wow.

"Oh," said Kevin, looking disappointed. "Well, I guess that's it for me. Do you have a date?"

"No," Yasmin/I said. "I haven't been asked."

"Hey, d'you wanna come with me?" asked Kevin. "We'd have a laugh, wouldn't we?"

Eyes pinged open. I was sitting back in the circle. Yasmin was frowning at me.

"Err...Kee, I told you to concentrate. I think I got you when you were asleep. If that's your idea of a funny joke, then..."

"I didn't concentrate on being asleep!" I said indignantly. "I concentrated on being in the first year, when we all met each other!"

"Well, all I got was blackness," said Yasmin, darkly.

"I didn't know Kevin Entwhistle had a crush on me!" I said, changing the subject at lightning speed. (Go me!)

"Oh yeah, I knew for ages," said Yasmin. "Right, someone else go."

**02:22**

Mandy suddenly broke the ritual by saying, "Lou, you were asleep!"

Louise jerked her eyes open.

"No I wasn't!" she said. "I concentrated on watching you win that Quiditch match."

"Well all _I_ saw was black," said Mandy. "Like Yasmin. Are you sure this works, Yaz?"

"It should do," said Yasmin.

"Hang on," said Morag. She reached into the circle and picked up...

...a cocktail sausage.

"I was seeing the memories of a cocktail sausage?" said Mandy in disgust. "That is so pathetic..."

"Ah well," shrugged Lisa. "Let's eat cake!"

**Saturday 28th April**  
**16:25**  
**The library**

I was revising Aguamenti – something of which I seem to have a mental block about – when Terry appeared.

"You owe me two kisses," he said. He doesn't mess around.

"Nice opening line there," I said. "Oh, and nice try but no."

"Ah well," he said, sidling into the chair next to me. Dammit, I'll never get anything done now. "A man's gotta make an effort. You heard about your pal Mandy?"

I raised an eyebrow, but curiosity beat the scepticism.

"What?" I asked, trying not to sound too interested.

"Apparently she actually got to hand Harry Potter a note from Dumbledore," said Terry, slapping his cheek in hilarious mock awe that did make me laugh. "She's been going on about it since lunch. All we hear in the common room is 'Harry Potter this' and 'Harry Potter that'. That's why I came here. To escape the talk of Harry bloody Potter."

"Y'know, I'd understand if he was really super good-looking," I said. "But he's not."

"Ah, you're not one of Harry Potter's many doting admirers, are you Keira?" asked Terry, giving me a sideways look.

"Not really," I shrugged. "I've never really spoken to him. He seems reasonably pleasant but above all he's too much of a drama queen. King, drama king. And he's really quite skinny."

Terry laughed.

"Ah, the voice of wisdom," he said, with a mock bow. (Hard to do when sitting down.) "You've got sense in that head, Matthews."

"Cheers," I said. "I guess I have to return the compliment now."

"Not if you don't feel like it," said Terry, winking. Shut up winking! "So you don't think Harry Potter's good-looking?"

"Not really, but each to their own."

"He's not as hot as dear darling Justin then?"

"Shut up. Just shut up."

"Charming. What would Justin say?"

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up."

I was slurring, so I stopped. Terry was laughing his stupid head off.

"Keira, you need to lighten up about Finch-Fletchley," he said. "After all, if you want him to ditch Elodie and fall madly, passionately in love with you then you need to show him you're a free spirit who won't get irritating. And by irritating I mean clingy and snappy."

I frowned.

"Are you saying I'm snappy and clingy?"

"Well, I wouldn't know about clingy, you're not my girlfriend and you never have been," said Terry. "But you can be a bit snappy. No offence."

"None taken," I muttered darkly.

"Trust me when I say I know what guys like, Keira," he said, almost seriously. "I do know about these things. I do happen to be a boy."

"Could've fooled me."

He hit me. Not hard or anything, but he still hit me. You're not supposed to hit girls. I told him that.

"I'm allowed to hit you," he said.

"Why? Am I a boy?"

"You're certainly not a boy," he said. I saw where his eyes went.

"Cheeky sod," I said, folding my arms across my chest. "Don't do that."

Terry laughed.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist that one."

I stuck my tongue out.

"You're hopeless."

"So are you."

"I know that."

"So do I."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"Fine."

"Fine."

And we shut up.

**Things to Do**

**1)** Learn how to work Aguamenti  
**2)** Make Justin Finch-Fletchley realise that Elodie is actually a stuck-up, spiteful, malicious bitch who is just using him and that actually it's MEMEME that he really wants.  
**3)** Punch Theodore Nott when I'm feeling really brave  
**4)** Get Terry Boot to forget about that two kisses that I apparently owe him  
**5) **Get Yasmin, Louise, Mandy, Morag, Padma and Lisa to forget that Elodie told them that Terry kissed me.  
**6)** Get Mandy to realise that she and Harry Potter aren't going to happen in this life.  
**7)** Tidy up the space under my bed as it's got really messy again.  
**8)** Ditto bedside drawer.  
**9)** And shelf.  
**10)** Do homework instead of writing my diary


	4. Sprout Must Die

**Sunday 29th April**  
**13:19**  
**By the lake**

Usual spot under a nice shady tree. Yummmmmmm, the weather is so delicious at the moment. Lovely and warm and sunny. Shame that I've got:

**1)** Exam revision  
**2)** Homework  
**3)** Elodie

to ruin the fun. Ah well. Life goes on.

I have finally got _Aguamenti_ down to a fine art. Well, sort of. It no longer spurts out in rivers, anyway, which is an improvement. I can kind of control the water. I guess Charms just aren't my strong point.

On the dark side I have a new spot on my chin. Mandy tells me that if I pick it it'll go septic but what does she know? Her forehead looks like a bomb crater because of that dodgy switching spell.

Oh goody, here come a bunch of Hufflepuffs. Good because Justin is with them. Bad because Zacharias Smith is too. Does anyone outside of Hufflepuff actually like him? I sincerely doubt it. It's not that he's mean to me in particular, but he's so irritating!

"Hello," I said, looking up and trying not to go red as Justin looked at me.

"Kara, isn't it?" asked Samuel Roper.

"Keira," said Justin.

"But what's a couple of vowels between chums, eh?" I said, although on the inside I was yelling, "HE REMEMBERS MY NAME, HE REMEMBERS MY NAME!"

"You're under our tree," said Smith.

"This isn't your tree," I said. "It's rightfully anybody's tree. And I'm anybody, so it's mine too. Besides, I'm meeting Lou here in a minute."

"Lou?"

"Louise Spinks."

"Oh," said Smith, mollified. It's amazing how a guy makes an effort to be nice to me after they find out Louise is one of my best friends. Well, actually no it's not, but it's quite funny. "Ok then."

They all sat down around me. I started talking to Ernie Macmillan, who I get on well with because we were paired up in Care of Magical Creatures at one point. He's a bit on the snobby side but there's no harm in him.

"How are you then Keira?" he asked me.

"I'm cool," I said. "You?"

I was attempting to be as nonchalant as possible, as Justin just happened to be there. In fact, he actually turned to talk to me.

"Is Ellie coming with Louise?" he asked. "I need to talk to her about something."

"I don't know," I said.

"Damn. I wish I could tell her to come without running all the way into the castle," said Justin. "But I don't know where on Earth she is."

"Shame they don't have mobile phones in the wizarding world," I said.

"Yeah!" agreed Justin. "That's one thing Muggles have created that could be so useful in the wizarding world."

(I knew it! I knew that we were meant to be. We have the same views on mobile phones. It's sooooooooooooo obvious that we are destined for each other. Sometimes being a Muggle-Born rocks, i.e. when you are in love with another Muggle-Born so you can discuss the good things about Muggles.)

"Oh, we did mobile phones in Muggle Studies!" said Ernie, excitedly. "Aren't they those plastic box-like things with buttons that Muggles can use to communicate with each other?"

"Yeah," I said, laughing. "They're cool. There should be a wizard version."

Ernie lost interest in pro-Muggle conversation. He's not prejudiced, but he likes to live in the knowledge that wizards are more advanced than Muggles. I'm kind of in the middle, being a witch but also a Muggle-Born. Justin seems to be too.

God, I love him.

**Monday 30th April**  
**14:21**  
**Herbology**

I can't believe this.

I really can't.

Sprout will die SHE WILL DIE.

Apparently, it's not punishment enough that I have to spend three hours a week paired up with Theodore Nott, who has an IQ that is lower than his age and for some reason hates my guts. No. Turns out that for some crime that I committed in a past life I now have to do a Herbology project with him on Nigerian Shrivelpods.

Crap.

Professor Sprout came into the greenhouse with a load of Shrivelpod Plants and put them down, announced this project and then paired us up.

"Abbot, Boot! Brocklehurst, Corner! Cornfoot, Crabbe!"

Stephen slapped his forehead in horror. Terry patted him on the back sympathetically.

"Davis, Entwhistle!"

Kevin shrugged. Tracey Davis is ok. A bit bossy but she's one of the less spiteful Slytherins.

"Finch-Fletchley, Finnigan! Granger, Goyle!"

Hermione Granger winced. I can see why. Gregory Goyle is Vincent Crabbe's buddy, which instantly means Muggle-Born hater and dim as a post. He's a bit smarter than Crabbe, though. I reckon he's got at least five more brain cells.

"Hopkins, Jones! Li, Longbottom! MacDougal, Macmillan! Matthews, Nott!"

"No!" I muttered. Alphabetical order. I hate it. Damn Yasmin for choosing stupid old History of Magic over Herbology.

"Parkinson, Patil!"

Padma looked horrified.

"Patil, Potter! Rivers, Smith! Spinks, Thomas!"

Louise looked positively thrilled as she realised she finally had an excuse to hang around Dean Thomas.

"And Weasley, Zabini!"

Ron Weasley swore loudly and earned himself a sharp slap on the ear from Hermione Granger, and a stern look from Professor Sprout.

"Right," said Sprout, looking round at us and adding up. "Hang on, there's not enough plants for you all. You'll have to go in fours. Let's see..."

She went around pairing up all the pairs. When she got to us she said, "Right, Boot and Abbot, you go with Matthews and Nott."

Both Terry and Hannah looked annoyed about being with Nott, but not as much as me. They're fine; they're both half-bloods to my knowledge. I'm the Muggle-Born. I'm the one that gets it in the neck every time I say something.

"Hi!" said Hannah, brightly turning to me. You have to like Hannah Abbot. She's so earnest and eager to please. She's made for Hufflepuff. There were rumours once that she was Helga Hufflepuff's heir, which fizzled out when we did the Founders in History of Magic and discovered that Hufflepuff never had kids.

"Hey Hannah," I said.

"Miss Matthews," said Terry, in mock sobriety, with a curt nod.

"Mr Boot," I nodded in the same tone.

We stared each other out for a couple of seconds before I gave in and burst out laughing.

"What you laughing at?" demanded Nott, determined not to be left out.

"Oh, just a humorous exchange of colloquial verbal communication between Keira and myself," said Terry, airily. "Which, by the way, is something that you will never understand."

Hannah and I laughed (even though I didn't actually understand that too well myself) whilst Nott thought for a few seconds.

"Are you insulting me?" he said, finally.

"No shit, Sherlock," I said.

"Who's Sherlock?"

"Sherlock Holmes, he's a Muggle detective...forget I said anything. It's not important. Let's get on with this."

**14:55**  
**Herbology nearly over (thank God)**

Nott is no longer in the Greenhouse with us! Yes! He is in the Hospital Wing because he somehow managed to eat a Shrivelpod.

I am not kidding.

Either way he's not here so Hannah, Terry and I have about five minutes to repair all the damage he's done on our project. First we had to revive the plant because apparently prodding it with a flaming stick (Nott set his wand on fire) doesn't do it any good. Then we had to quickly plan the project because the idea we "came up with" (a.k.a. was forced into doing by Nott) was seeing how many ways to kill a Nigerian Shrivelpod plant. And then we had to hastily write out what we'd found out, i.e. nothing, because someone (yep, you guessed it) emptied the contents of the watering can all over what we had.

Ah, the joys of teamwork.

"Bastard," muttered Terry and he scrawled out a load of improvised notes. "I'm going to kill him and eat him. And stick his brains on a pole in the Slytherin common room as a thought-provoking decoration."

"You'll be lucky," I said. "Microbiologists haven't managed to find it yet."

Hannah gave a snort of appreciation, but Terry looked at me sideways and said, "What on Earth is a microbiologist?"

Damn wizards. Why didn't he take Muggle Studies, then I wouldn't have to keep explaining myself?

"It's...never mind. Muggle thing. The joke still has an obvious meaning."

"Hmm," said Terry, turning back to his notes.

Hannah rolled her eyes at me. It's much easier to talk about Muggles to her; her dad's a Muggle. Terry, however, has two wizard parents, so he really doesn't have a clue about Muggles.

"I never thought I'd ever say, 'Roll on Potions'," I said, wondering if I would be able to quickly swap our plant with the neighbouring four's without them noticing. "I swear, one day I'm going to take Nott by his stupid little haircut and I'm going to through him at the Whomping Willow."

"Can I help?" said Terry, darkly.

"That's a bit mean!" said Hannah. "I don't like him, but I'm sure he's a nice person deep down."

I didn't say anything. I just made a sarcastic noise.

**15:10  
Potions**

Slughorn is a lot better than Snape, I have to say. For one thing he actually lets me and Yasmin be partners. Snape always assigned us randomly. My former partners have been Justin, Smellodie and Susan Bones before. Apart from Elodie they're all ok, although at that point I wasn't madly in love with Justin or I wouldn't have got my O in Potions. (How proud was I of that grade? I wouldn't shut up for about two months.)

Now Yaz and I have been reunited, I'm doing really well. Well, Yasmin is. I copy her homework and do exactly what she tells me. And I come near top, too. Seeing as we are two of the four Ravenclaws doing Potions this year (the others are Terry and Michael) that's not so hard, but ah well.

We're working on the same bench as Wayne Hopkins and Susan Bones, which is pretty uncomfortable as they just happen to have had a blazing row yesterday and have split up. I like both of them but I wish they would stop bickering with each other. It's hard to concentrate.

"Look, I'm just saying that if you hadn't been so damned _possessive_ I wouldn't have ditched you!" Susan said angrily, and not quietly either. It's really hard to just get on with it without eavesdropping accidentally, especially when you're trying to make a successful antidote. (It's bloody hard, I can tell you.)

"I wasn't possessive! And if I was, I was for a very good reason! You were going off with Sam all the time!"

"Wayne, you know perfectly well that Sam and I have always been good friends! Jesus, we lived next-door to each other! You never suspected romance between us before so why should you just because I was going out with you? Anyway, he's got a girlfriend! You don't see Meg going mad over us hanging around together do you?"

"No, but maybe she didn't see it. There was such an obvious spark between you two."

"Oh my God! I cannot keep having the same fight with you over and over again!" said Susan, in near hysterics. I backed away slightly and fixed my eyes on the textbook. Yasmin was determinedly stirring our antidote vigorously, even though I was scared it was going to slop over the sides. To my horror, Susan turned to me. "Keira, you understand what I mean, don't you? You know that just because I was hanging around with Sam a lot, it doesn't mean that I was being unfaithful to Wayne, don't you?"

"Don't be stupid," said Wayne, darkly. "You know she was cheating on me with him, you could tell. She spent far more time with him that she spent with me."

"Wayne, you utter _idiot_, how could you think that I...?"

I was going to try and dive into our cauldron under the pretence of getting a ladleful of potion to avoid the awkwardness, but Yasmin had got there first, so I accidentally-on-purpose slipped over and threw my flask across the room.

It hit Justin Finch-Fletchley on the back of the head, fell to the floor and smashed.

Shit.

I really was tempted to use a quick summoning charm and pretend it was Yasmin, but he was looking right at me and I knew I was blushing. I didn't try to have a look of apologetic shock on my face. I knew one was already there.

I hurriedly scuttled over to where he was working and repaired the flask (they have to make the Goddamned things out of glass, don't they?) whilst apologising profusely. He seemed to think I was some kind of retard, which I am.

"Uh...why did you throw that at me?" he asked, with a tiny yet unquestionably gorgeous smile on his face. It mad my legs turn to jelly, I can tell you. "You must really not like me or something."

I heard a small snort from behind. Terry and Michael were working on the bench behind, and Terry was sniggering for all he was worth. I gave him a Look and turned back to Justin.

"No, it's not that," I said, in what I hoped were coy and adorable tones. "I'm just a clumsy dork, that's all!"

He gave me an odd look. A kind of half approving, half quick-I'll-keep-her-talking-you-remove-all-sharp-things-from-the-proximity-and-call-the-loony-bin look.

"Well, I'll see you next time I do something embarrassing and klutzy," I said, shrugging and backing out as fast as possible.

When I got back to Yasmin I explained where I'd gone and why. She just gave me an odd look and said, "There's green stuff on the end of your nose."

Oh bollocks. I'd gotten the green potion on my nose. No wonder he was looking at me funny. I rubbed it off sheepishly.

"Justin probably thought you were a total freak," she carried on, almost obliviously. "With green stuff all over your nose. Probably thought you'd just sneezed or something."

"_Yasmin_!" I hissed, angrily. "You're kind of grinding my ego under your heel, you know."

"Why should you care? It's only Justin Finch-Fletchley. It's not like it's someone you really fancy," shrugged Yasmin.

Oh sweet irony, you are a cruel mistress.

**Tuesday 1st May**  
**18:00**  
**Common room**

I have had it up to here with people going, "Pinch, punch, first day of the month." In the end I had to do "Pull hair, knee in the privates, first day of the month" to Stephan Cornfoot. He's been avoiding me all day. (Hehe.)

I am attempting to do the Arithmancy homework Professor Vector set me, but I'm too tired and hot and grumpy. April was freezing so why has the temperature suddenly hit 30 degrees? Is it something to do with the month change? Or was the weather waiting for me to get a lot of homework before it got really hot and humid so it made me drowsy and I can't do it?

"I think you're being slightly paranoid, there."

"ARGH! Bugger off Terry."

I swear he has some kind of ability to appear out of nowhere. He was leaning over the back of my chair and reading my bloody diary!

"You shouldn't read other people's journals," I snapped. "It's stupid. What do you want?"

"Stephen is in a lot of pain," said Terry, eyebrows raised. "You hurt him quite badly earlier."

"He deserved it," I muttered.

"What, he deserved to be brutally attacked on the hair and that place that should never be disturbed by a vicious and bad-tempered girl just for doing that pinch-punch thing?" Terry said sceptically.

"Because...what do you mean _vicious and bad-tempered_?" I said angrily.

"You just proved it yourself," said Terry.

I scowled. Bugger him.

"What exactly do you want?" I asked, irritably. "Or is it too much of an effort for you to actually leave me to do my homework and be grouchy and bad-tempered in peace?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd checked the notice board."

I looked at him.

"No. Why? Has someone put up some embarrassing photos of me? Oh my God, please don't tell me I'm on this week's caption competition!"

The caption competition is ages old in Ravenclaw. It was going on when Leila was here. Basically it's a Muggle caption competition, but the photo is stuck up on the Ravenclaw notice board for everyone to laugh at, and people write their captions underneath it. Terry always enters, and some of his a bloody funny too. But if I was up there I was going to go and kill myself.

"No, you're not, don't worry," said Terry. "I mean the school notice board."

"Oh. No, I haven't. Why?"

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend on Saturday."

"Uhh...so?"

"Well, I was kind of wondering...never mind. It's not important."

God, he is _sooooooooo_ irritating!"

"Look, just tell me outright. I am in a very bad mood," I said, resigning to the fact that he was here now and he wasn't going to go without irritating the arse off me for at least ten minutes.

"That is frankly obvious," he said. "It's...what d'you mean I irritate the arse off you?"

How dare he read my diary again? I whacked him on the head with it.

"Stop reading over my shoulder you nosey bastard!" I said, crossly.

"Or what?" he said, raising a sceptical eyebrow. How the hell does he do that? If I try and raise one eyebrow I look very scary.

"Stop or I'll...I'll..."

"Stutter at me?"

"No, I'll knock your front teeth out and make them into a pair of rather attractive earrings!" I decided, giving him a triumphant look.

"You think that human incisors would make attractive earrings, do you?" he grinned. How on Earth does he manage to turn everything that I say against me?

"Oh shut up!" I scowled. "Just shut up and go away."

He shrugged.

"Fine," he said, and walked off.

I have to admit, I did feel bad. He has this weird way of being really, really annoying but I always feel guilty when I snap at him. I felt so guilty I went over to him. Stephen instantly recoiled.

"Terry?"

He looked up.

"Yuh-huh?"

"Sorry."

"Wow, an apology from Keira Matthews!" said Anthony in mock awe. "You ought to record that, Terry, and play it back every night, because it'll be the last one you ever get."

Terry rolled his eyes, turned to me and said, "That's fine. See you around."

I smiled and left. Actually, that's the first friendly conversation that Terry and I have had without us ending up either having a jokey row or getting on one another's nerves.

Monumental moment. Maybe we're growing up.

**Wednesday 2nd May**  
**9:30**  
**Arithmancy **

We've had a seating change-around, but Louise and I are still together. Mandy and Yaz are working next to us. Well Yasmin is. Mandy is not working at all; she is sitting there gazing at the back of Harry Potter's head.

"God he's good-looking," she said in that dreamy voice she always reserves for him. Yuk. "Ooh, I could sit here and just look at him all day."

"Mandy, you can't even see him properly," said Yasmin, rolling her eyes.

"I know, but even the back of his head is sooooooooooooo dreeeeeeeeaaaaamy!" said Mandy.

Louise hit her quite hard on the top of the head with her textbook.

"You really live in your own little world, don't you?" she said, irritably. "Now shut up and get on with your work!"

"Yes, please do," said Yasmin.

"Why do you care?" retorted Mandy, rubbing the top of her head.

"Because your constant besotted sighs and mutterings are getting on my nerves!" Louise scowled. "You're being so stupid over him! It's not going to happen and you shouldn't want it to!"

"All very well for you to say that, Lou, but Harry Potter is WAY better looking than Dean Thomas," snapped Mandy.

Miaow! It was getting catty.

"He is not!" said Louise indignantly. "Dean is the best looking Gryffindor in the year, and he's really nice!"

"You're deluded if you think that!" said Mandy hotly. "Look, the fact is that Harry Potter is not only incredibly gorgeous and good at Quiditch but he is also a _hero_. He actually defeated You-Know-Who! Several times!"

"You only like him because he's famous!" snapped Louise.

You could have cut the tension with a spoon. Both Mandy and Louise were scowling at each other fiercely. For the second time in two days Yasmin and I were caught between a nasty argument.

Marvellous.

**10:35**  
**Break  
In the courtyard with Lou**

Louise still sore about her argument with Mandy.

"Why is she even so obsessed with Harry Potter anyway? He's not even that good-looking and according to Cho he's really useless with girls. And she told me he's madly in love with Hermione Granger anyway, and they're always hanging around together so I guess it must be true. Apparently he took ages to ask Cho out and then when he finally did he ditched her halfway through to go and see Hermione and he wasn't even subtle about it. He's really disturbed too, and I don't care if he saved the world from You-Know-Who. He's really stupid. I can't believe she just dismissed Dean. She only did it because I told her I thought that she didn't have a chance with Harry Potter, which she doesn't. Everyone knows that Dean is just so much better looking than Harry. I mean, he's an _artist_. I've always thought artists are so much more intelligent and thoughtful than other boys, haven't you? Also, Dean just broke up with that girl...you know the one. The pretty redhead in the fifth. Ron Weasley's sister. Ginny, that's it. Anyway, they just broke up and I think he's really sad about it, so I think I'm just what he needs. I'll be the sensitive, concerned, sympathetic person who's always there to help him until BAM! He realises he likes me. Mandy could _never_ do that for Harry Potter because he's never had a proper girlfriend. Cho doesn't count because he was really horrible to her. And Mandy goes on that Harry's so great a Quiditch! Dean's good at Quiditch! He's the Gryffindor Chaser, for goodness's sake! I know he's substituting for Katie Bell but he's still really good! I can't believe Mandy would do this to me! Why? Why?"

**14:20**  
**Transfiguration**

Mandy still sore about her argument with Louise.

"How dare she? How dare she just come out and say, 'Oh, it's not going to happen'? How does she know? She doesn't! He definitely knows who I am because he's seen me at practices and he's seen me play. And I heard that he told his team to watch out for me, so he obviously thinks I'm a force to be reckoned with. He seriously said, 'We've got to watch out for Brocklehurst because she's really good.' I know because Lavender Brown was spying on Ron Weasley earlier in the year and she had Parvati with her who heard and told Padma who told me, so I know it's true. And that's something big we have in common. We're both Quiditch players and not meaning to sound boastful or anything but we're both good. He's such an excellent Seeker, it's amazing! Louise goes on and on about Dean playing Quiditch too, but he's actually pretty mediocre and he's only filling in for Katie Bell. He's just the substitute, and most people reckon he only got onto the team because he's in Harry's class anyway. Harry was just being kind; he didn't actually think Dean was a good player. And Dean Thomas isn't that good-looking. Harry is sooooooooooo cute, don't you think? He's got that lovely black hair and those green eyes...yum! And he's got glasses! I always think glasses make guys look really sensitive and sweet, don't you? He just needs someone to open up to, that's all, someone who will listen. Someone sympathetic and caring like me. I'd listen and I'd comfort him and then he'd realise just how much he likes me. Because when you've defeated You-Know-Who so many times you need someone to listen to you. Oh, and how many times has precious Dean Thomas defeated a dark wizard, huh? Huh?"

**14:25**  
**Still in Transfiguration**

Louise and Mandy aren't speaking. (To each other, at least. They're speaking in full throttle to me.) I'm sorely tempted to commit suicide, but there aren't any pills around and I don't want to try something else because it might hurt.


	5. Nympho Brain

**Thursday 3rd May  
15:00  
Herbology**

I'm actually quite worried about this Hogsmeade weekend. Louise just sent me a note saying, _He asked me to go to Hogsmeade this weekend with him!_ I don't have anyone to go to anything with because I am a Larry Loner with a big nose. And worse still I am still in here trying to work with Theodore bloody Nott.

"Matthews, what the hell are you doing?" he said, his weedy little arms on his hips.

"I'm watering the plant, what does it look like?" I snapped.

"I thought we were trying to examine it?"

"Believe it or not, you do have to keep it alive to be able to examine it," I informed him waspishly. I could see that Hannah was fighting to stop her hand shaking as she wrote and Terry looked on the brink of homicide. I must have done something really, really awful in a past life to deserve Theodore Nott as my project partner, I really must.

Maybe I was a wasp.

Anyway, Nott does not seem to have grasped the concept of keeping the damn plant healthy. He still insists that he wants to kill it. Personally, I'd rather kill him, but I'd get done.

Actually, I might be knighted for this immense favour to society...

**16:05  
Common room**

Louise dragged Yasmin and me – not Mandy, because they're still not speaking – into our favourite corner and shooed the first years away. We sat down.

"Ok then, give me the details," I said, tiredly preparing myself for endless talk of Dean Thomas.

"Well, we were working on our project with Su and Neville Longbottom, and then he muttered something to me," said Louise excitably. "I didn't know what it was so I said, 'Pardon?' and he said, 'Do you want to come to Hogsmeade on Saturday with me?' all in a rush. So I said yes and now I have a date with him! And it didn't take long at all!"

"Are you sure you're not just a rebound girlfriend?" said Yasmin, suspiciously. "After all, he broke up with a pretty serious girlfriend a short time ago. He could just want someone to go on a date with. Or he could want to use you to make her jealous."

"I can't believe he's finally asked me out!" said Louise, ardently, apparently oblivious to Yasmin. They say love is blind. I reckon it's deaf too. "I've been crushing on him for _so long_..."

"Since Easter," I put in. "Not that long."

"...and now he's finally asked me out! I cannot believe it!"

I can. I've had to listen to it for minutes, and I predict hours longer. It's only Dean Thomas, for goodness's sake! Ok, I'll admit he's quite good-looking, and he is quite a good dancer, but come on! It's not like he's...oh God, what is his name? The incredibly good-looking guy that played Charlie in that film _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ a few years ago? I can remember nicking it from mum and dad's DVD collection last summer and thinking, "Wow, he is gorgeous!"

Hugh Grant. That's the one!

Anyway, I deviate.

**Friday 4th May  
20:00  
My dormitory**

Pretty uneventful day apart from Elodie tripping over her bag strap and falling up the stairs. Muahahaha. I don't think I've laughed so much in ages. I almost suffocated.

**Saturday 5th May  
10:15  
Common room  
Day of dreaded Hogsmeade visit, to which I will be going alone because I am ugly and friendless**

I cannot believe this.

Not only is Louise abandoning me because of Dean stupid Thomas, but Mandy and Yasmin are abandoning me too! Mandy can't come because Bradley called a Quiditch practice on short notice but Yasmin! You would've thought she'd come. Oh no.

Turns out she'd rather go with Eddie Carmichael.

That's right.

Crooked Carmichael, the infamous Ravenclaw miniature con-man.

He was trying to flog a load of stimulants last year. He tried to sell them to me and Louise. I was kind of tempted, but Louise was having none of it. "Think you can fool me with a bottle of white powder and a smarmy smile? On yer bike." Or words to that effect. Bless.

One would have thought that Yasmin Moon of all people would know that Carmichael is bad news, but apparently not. All he has to do is saunter up to her, say, "Hey, Moon, I've always quite liked you, d'you fancy going on a date sometime? How about coming down to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday?" and she instantly abandons me.

I am not kidding. That was his line. No, "Hi, how are you?" or, "You look nice today." Just out with it. Very forward. No beating about the bush. Hardly romantic. But it's very – and I mean _very_ – hard to romanticize Carmichael. Sure, he's not hideous. But he's got this look about him. His eyes are a bit too close together and his hair lies a bit too flat and he's just a bit too skinny and tall.

And yes, I'll admit that he's not stupid. He got something like nine Os in his OWLs. That's seven more than _I_ got. But brainy he may be, honest he is not. He'd sell anything. I heard he flogged his own bed to some drunk in the Hog's Head once. The fact that he was in the Hog's Head is bad enough. That place is full of conmen. The second thing is that he sold something he doesn't even own. The third is that it was to some poor sod under the influences of vast amounts of alcohol. The fourth is that he didn't even hand the bed over but still kept the fifty Galleons.

I said this to Yaz and she just said, "Oh Keira, lighten up! Can't you be happy for me?"

The answer to that is no I bloody well can't. And it's not because I don't like Carmichael, either, although I don't. It's not because she didn't even like him and that she's just saying yes because she's never had a proper boyfriend before. And it's not even because she's abandoning me.

It's because I'm jealous.

Yes. Jealous.

My best friend Yasmin Moon has got a date while I am hanging around on myself like a Larry. And I am jealous. Because I will never get a boyfriend because I am not clever like Yasmin. I'm not pretty like Louise. I'm not interesting like Mandy. I'm not rich like Elodie. No, I'm dorky and boring and plain.

What is the matter with my life? Why does it have to be so deeply unfab?

**10:45**

Terry Boot ambled up out of nowhere and said, "Hey, Matthews, you fancy hanging around Hogsmeade with me?"

After choking on my cheesy snacks (pilfered from Mandy's secret stash. She won't mind. Unless she finds out, in which case she will kill me.) I looked up at him.

"What? Is this a joke?"

"No, it's just Michael's off with Cho and Anthony's playing Quiditch."

"And I'm your third choice, am I?"

"Well..."

He looked a bit guilty.

"Well what?"

"More like seventh, actually."

"_Seventh_?"

"Hey, don't blame me! Stephen's off with Megan, Kevin hasn't done his Muggle Studies essay, Su's going with a bunch of Hufflepuffs and Mandy's got Quiditch. _Then_ it's you. Then it's Louise, Yasmin, Morag, Padma and then Lisa."

I glared at him.

"You divide us into rank, do you?"

He shrugged. At least he had the decency to look a bit awkward.

"Hey, if you think I'm a snivelling worm or you're busy, I'll go and find Louise."

"She's of with Dean Thomas," I said. "And Yasmin, Padma and Lisa will be going with their various assortments of guys. And I don't know where Morag is. So it looks like you're stuck with me."

He grinned.

"I knew you'd see sense. Come on, then."

**11:30  
The window table at the Three Broomsticks**

Terry's just gone to get the drinks. (I made sure I gave him the money for mine. If he bought me a drink it would just be too much like a date for my liking.)

People gave us some weird looks as we left. I kind of regretted going then. It was...well, embarrassing. I mean, it was just enforcing the rumours that we're going out, wasn't it? I think he noticed me going all red, because he said, "What the Hell's the matter now?"

"People are staring at us!"

"And?"

"Whaddoyamean _and_?"

"I mean and."

"People think we're going out!"

"Like I've said twice: and?"

"_And_, Terry, I do not want people to think that we're going out!"

"Why?"

That's kind of hard. I didn't want to tell him, because...well, y'know. It's not very nice. He'd think I'm insulting him. And I don't want to insult him. Yes, I know I usually do, but they're jokey insults. I've never genuinely put him down. Well, not to that extent. And he's never really been that mean to me seriously. I didn't want to...well, I didn't want to tell him that he annoyed me and that I didn't find him that good-looking, really. Because you don't tell people that in a not-joking way. It's just horrible.

"Uhh..."

I suddenly had an excellent idea and tripped over.

"Owww!"

Terry laughed – rather nastily, I thought – as I sat on the floor and tried to convincingly fake immense pain.

"What did you fall over?" he said, holding his hands out for me to haul myself up. It felt a bit funny knowing I was holding his hands. I don't know why. "The floor's completely clear."

"Uhh...dodgy floor slab or something," I lied. "Stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry, but you are Queen of the Klutzes!" he grinned. I hit him. He hit me back. We were just beginning a very satisfactory punch-up when Filch came Filching along, giving us the ferret eye.

"What are you two doing?" he said, grumpily. He is so annoying. And grouchy.

"We're walking," Terry said. "Is that a crime?"

"Well...do it quietly!" Filch scowled, and ferreted off to do whatever it is that sad, grumpy old walking hairballs do these days.

"I swear there is a book called, 'How to be the most mean, nasty sad-sack in the entire universe' and he has read it," I said, scowling after him. (N.B. Stop scowling! It is not attractive.)

Terry laughed.

"You're nuts."

We did really speak much on the way down until we got to the Three Broomsticks. I spotted Dean Thomas and Louise together. Louise was nattering away about something but Dean was looking around furtively. Looking for Ginny Weasley, I suspect.

Terry pulled out a chair, and as I sat down he said, "Now, even though you treat me bad, what would you like, Ms Bonkers?"

**12:30  
Holed up in the Three Broomsticks' Loos**

I hate to say it, but I'm not actually having a bad time. Terry is quite a good laugh. He's just...really funny.

We talked A LOT. Yes, we did. We talked about loads of stuff. Then we got onto the usual delicate topic – my love life. Or lack of.

"Ooh, I think I spy your One Twoo Lub over there," said Terry, in a really, _really_ irritating voice. Sure enough there was Justin, with his face attached to Smellodie's. Yuckety yuck yuck and blergh. "Shame. I don't think he's noticed you."

I glared at him.

"Shut up. Do you _have_ to taunt me at every possible opportunity?"

"Well, I guess not, but I always get such a beautiful reaction."

"Shut up."

"There it is again."

I threw a bread roll at him.

"Keira, I am sure you know that violence never solved anything," said Terry in a voice that made me want to pull his head off and throw it out of the window at some innocent passer-by.

"But it makes me feel better!" I snapped. "Especially when there are highly annoying people, i.e. you, being...being...annoying!"

"Scathing," said Terry, grinning. "You know, if you didn't react, I probably wouldn't annoy you so much."

"Yeah, right. That's how you get your kicks," I said darkly.

We sat in silence for a while, until I decided to broach an equally delicate subject.

"So who d'_you_ fancy then?" I said, trying to imitate his most maddening voice.

He shrugged. Shut up shrugging!

"I don't know, really. I don't really like girls."

I gaped.

"Dude, you're _gay_?"

"No!" he said, laughing. "Anyway, if I was, would you really care?"

I guess not. After all, there's nothing wrong with being gay at all. But...I don't know. Maybe it's because he's such a flirt, but I just wouldn't be able to get my head around him being gay.

Oh God, I don't know anymore.

**14:13  
On Woodcroft Hill  
With Terry  
I KNOW!**

We left the Three Broomsticks after a slight episode. When I say we left I mean we were chucked out by Madam Rosmerta, along with Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy.

We were just sitting there, minding our own business and eating what must have been our fifth round of cakes (N.B. Eat more fruit and veg!) when they all came in. And they just couldn't let the fact that we had bagged the best table go, could they?

"Oi, Mudblood!" said Parkinson, spotting me. (Is that what the Slytherins think my name is? Most of them say that when they see me these days, apart from the odd one or two.) I winced. "You're at our table."

"No I'm not," I said. "This is anybody's table. You don't own the table."

"Well, we have priority over _you_," said Parkinson, sneering. (This doesn't make her look very attractive, either.)

"Why's that?" said Terry, frowning as he looked he straight in the eyes.

"Because _she's_ a filthy Muggle," said Malfoy, looking at me like he thought I was a slime creature or something. Which, I reminded myself, he almost definitely does.

"Keira is a witch," said Terry, in a voice I hadn't heard him use before. "And just because she has non-magic parents, that doesn't give you the right to treat her like scum."

Wow! He was actually sticking up for me! I felt quite chuffed, really.

Then ensued a blazing row which meant that we got chucked out. Marvellous.

"Why did you do that?" I asked Terry as we wandered off. His lip was bleeding, but at least Malfoy had a very satisfactory black eye. (I got away unharmed. Sadly so did Parkinson.)

"Well, I can't stand Muggle-Born prejudice," he said, shrugging. "And I've taken on Malfoy before. And won."

"You have? When?"

"On the train home last year," said Terry. "He and his mates were picking on Harry Potter, and we thought that as he'd done so much for us in the DA..."

I remember the DA. Padma told me about it, but made me swear not to tell anyone. I meant to look in on it but I never really got around to it. We made people swear not to mention it in front of Mandy, though, or it'd be unbearable.

"...that we decided to hex them. They ended up looking like giant slugs. It was funny."

"_We_?"

"Well, there was me, Anthony, Ernie McMillan, Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones and your dear beloved Justin..."

"Shut up!"

"...so I shouldn't really say that _I've_ taken him on. Although I just did, so that's another mark to my name."

I laughed. I actually can remember hearing a rumour of a fight on the train last year involving Malfoy, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe but I didn't know that Terry – or Justin, for that matter – was involved in it.

By this time we'd reached Woodcroft Hill, a.k.a Hogsmeade Snogging Grounds. Erk. I could tell this was going to be awkward, but Terry didn't seem to have anything like that in mind at all. On the contrary, he sat down and sprawled out on the grass, closing his eyes against the sun. Totally forgetting about me. Humph.

His hair goes a bit strange when he lies down, I notice. A bit scruffy. It's odd, but it's quite attractive. I guess Terry is quite good-looking in a slightly irritating kind of way. But he's not a patch on Justin.

"What are you writing?" said Terry, still with his eyes closed.

"Nothing important," I lied, making sure he couldn't suddenly snatch my diary off me. You can never be quite sure what exactly is going through Terry Boot's head. I know from experience.

There was one of those long awkward silences. I hate those. He didn't appear to be in a start-the-conversation mood, so I had to do it.

"Terry?"

"Mmm?"

"D'you ever think about the future?"

"The future? Yeah, loads. In the future – say, in about thirty minutes – I'm going to buy some sherbet from Honeydukes."

I hit him, but not too hard.

"No, stupid! I mean like...career and marriage and kids and that."

"Yeah, course I do. I do have plans; I'm not stupid."

He was sitting up now, looking at me. His hair was all tousled. Quite cute, really. Oh shut up, brain, you stupid nymphomaniac!

Resisting the temptation to say something along the lines of, "News to me," I looked him dead in the eyes (and tried not to blink, which made my eyes water like anything) and said, "Oh yeah? What are you going to do, then?"

"I'm going to be a Mediwizard," he said, without any trace of emotion. "That's what I've wanted to be for ages."

Wow. I didn't know Terry Boot had dreams. He always seemed a very live-for-the-moment person. However here he was sharing his greatest ambition with me. Well, I guess you learn a new thing every day.

"What about you?" said Terry, the irritating smile back on his face now. To be honest, it was a slight relief. It's weird when he goes serious. "Are you going to marry Finch-Fletchley, become rich, live in a massive house and have many intelligent and considerate children?"

"Shut. The. Hell. Up."

Actually, I wouldn't mind the above scenario happening at all, it just sounds so awful written down like that. And when it's being said by some sarky idiot with messed up hair.

"And, for your information, I want to join the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," I retorted, just to shut him up. I was very miffed, therefore, when he shrugged in a way that stank of, "Tell me something I _don't_ know."

"I knew that," he said. "You love Care of Magical Creatures."

I frowned. Does he have to know every tiny detail about me? Without my consent? After all, he knows about my thing for Justin, and even Yasmin, Lou and Mandy don't know that. I said that to him. He looked at me in a weird way.

"You're telling me that I know about your deep, mad passion for Finch-Fletchley..."

"It is not _deep, mad passion_!"

"...and none of your so-called best friends do?"

He leant back and propped himself up on his elbows.

"Wow."

"What do you mean 'wow'?" I demanded. "It's not like I told you. You snuck up behind me and looked at my notebook!"

"I know, but still. I would've thought you'd have told Yasmin or Louise or Mandy or something."

"Mandy? Are you kidding? If I tell Mandy the whole school will know by tomorrow. Including the teachers."

"Touché. So are you ever going to come out and tell Finch-Fletchley that you're madly in love with him?"

Actually, that is a very good question. I need to let Justin know just how horrible Smellodie really is so he can realise how much he wants MEMEME. And then I need to let him know that I want him too.

However there is no way I'm ever going to let Terry Boot know he is right.

No way.

Nada.

Never.

**16:55  
Walking back to school**

"I _hate_ to say I told you so..."

"Shut. Up."

"...although I have prepared a little 'I was right' dance for later..."

"Bugger. You."

"...because it's so fun to be right, you know."

"Get. Lost."

"Oh, hang on, I'm sorry! I forgot that you _don't_ know just how fun it is to be right!"

"Terry, if you don't shove the Hell off in the next five minutes, I'm going to..."

"What? Owww! You're so touchy and unreasonable."

"You deserved it."

"And violent."

**Ten reasons why Terry Boot is the most aggravating bloke to ever walk the planet**

**10)** He has to be right all the time.  
**9)** He gets his kicks from driving me nuts.  
**8)** He just can't let the opportunities to jibe me about Justin go.  
**7)** I'm only his seventh choice for going to Hogsmeade.  
**6)** He has a different annoying voice to suit every situation.  
**5)** He has a weird ability to appear out of nowhere.  
**4)** He knows pretty much everything about me, even stuff that my best mates don't know, be it who I fancy, what I want to be when I leave Hogwarts or Leila's NEWT grades.  
**3)** He is too damned clever.  
**2)** He has violent mood swings. I'm not kidding. One minute he's totally sombre, the next he's laughing at everything you do. And then he's back to the not-speaking, straight-faced seriousness.  
**1)** Because my stupid brain won't shut up about him being a bit good-looking.


	6. Shiny Happy People Blow Up Plants

**Sunday 6th May  
21:11  
Common room**

Yasmin and Carmichael had a good time then. Sitting together in the same armchair that Cho and Michael usually occupy. I would never have thought that Yasmin would be so...uh..._public_ about a relationship, but then I never thought she would approach Eddie Carmichael without a welding mallet and a ten foot barge pole, either. I am evidently not a Seer. Although Professor Trelawney did say I have a natural talent in the third year.

**21:13**

Louise has just kindly pointed out that sadly Professor Trelawney did not say I have a natural talent for Divination, but a natural talent for smashing teacups. Which is a bit unreasonable in my humble opinion.

Anyway, you can't listen to Lou today; she's still on a mega Dean Thomas high. She only came down from cloud nine for about ten minutes at lunch to complain about the lack of decent vegetarian options.

**21:14**

As you may be able to tell, I'm just a bit bored.

**21:16**

Why is there nothing to do here? This is a wizard school, after all. You'd have thought there'd be magic and fun and all that jazz. Apparently not.

Still, there is a Quiditch game on Saturday, which will kill some time. We're against Slytherin, which is always enjoyable. They're a dirty team, so we always end up scoring a load of goals on penalties. You'd have thought they'd learn but apparently not.

Mandy has gone into SQUEEE HYPER Mode because Harry Potter might actually be able to make out that the tiny moving blue dot that keeps scoring goals is her and admire her playing ability and beauty.

This is a Quiditch game. She will be bright red and have her hair everywhere. Not to mention that blue is by no means her colour.

Still, we all have our dreams.

**Monday 7th May  
19:50  
Common room**

Padma's written thirty-eight inches for her History of Magic essay. It's amazing how she can find that much to write about the 1780 Dementor Revolts, to be honest. She tried to get me to proof-read it, but as I told her, there is a very good reason why I dropped History of Magic.

**Tuesday 8th May  
12:50  
Charms  
Passing notes**

_K, are you alright? Lulu xxx_

Yes, I'm fab thanks. After all, being humiliated in front of a large group of people has always been my dream.

In case you couldn't tell by that last note, I was being sarcastic.

_I know, dimmy, I'm not stupid._

Oh my God, I am so embarrassed!

_Stop making such a huge deal out of it; Flitwick's hat wasn't _that_ badly burnt. Although I still don't know how you managed to mix_ Incendio _and_ Estinguero _up. It's not like they're particularly similar._

I've done it before, too! Oh God oh God oh God!

_When?_

It's not important. Let's just say Justin Finch-Fletchley's robes were a bit singed around the cuff.

_You plank._

**12:50  
Courtyard**

I must get a boyfriend. Now that Yasmin's gone off with Carmichael, I'm one of three girls in our dormitory that doesn't have one. And Mandy doesn't properly count because she could get a boyfriend any day; she's just too obsessed with Harry Potter.

That leaves me and Morag. And Morag doesn't give a flying Kneazle's knickers. I, on the other hand, do. And anyway, if it's taking Justin so longer to figure out just how wonderful I am, maybe seeing me with another boy will drive him insane with jealousy. And then he might do something mad, like jump out of a window, which would be exciting, and then I will be the one to visit him on his sickbed. And then when he recovers we will be together, with no stupid Smellodie to get on my nerves.

But now I need to tackle the big thing of actually finding someone mad enough to go out with me. Because despite the above fantasy, I still remain undeniably normal.

And I'm sorry, but normal girls just don't cut it here.

It's a cruel game, I know. Yasmin in particular moans regularly that the student population of this school is disgustingly prejudiced towards more beautiful people (her words, not mine). The thing is that it can't be, because she has now got a boyfriend.

I sound so horrible. I should cross that out, but I'm not going to. I think it needs to be down on paper:

YASMIN MOON IS NOT THAT PRETTY AND SHE STILL A BOYFRIEND.

I, KEIRA J. MATTHEWS, A PERFECTLY NOT HIDEOUS PERSON, DO NOT.

The thing is that Yasmin has a pleasing personality and a good brain. She sticks out in the crowd. Boys like that. Me, I don't have a pleasing personality or a good brain. I do not stick out in the crowd. Ergo, boys do not like me.

Marvellous. Thank you, God.

Oops, Yasmin just spotted my "not that pretty" comment.

**18:55  
Common room**

Honestly, Yasmin is so melodramatic.

**18:56**

And violent.

**Wednesday 9th May  
17:30  
Common room**

Looking back on my entries in this diary so far, I have reached the following conclusions:

**1)** I have no life to speak of and need to remedy this ASAP.  
**2)** I am self-obsessed and frankly that is just not good in a person. I will, from now on, try to spend at least fifteen minutes per day thinking about the Poor and Unfortunate, i.e. the poor exploited Muggles that those evil clothes companies treat and pay like slaves to sit up stitching for twelve hours a day etc. etc.  
**3)** I spend WAY too much time in the common room. Must find alternative place to hang out. After all, I don't want my life (when obtained) to become boring and repetitive so early on.  
**4)** I pass really, _really_ pointless notes (i.e. reliving embarrassing events that I'd rather forget or arguing about how good-looking Harry Potter is) when I should be listening to the professors. From now on I will no longer pass notes during lessons, especially to Mandy.

When to start? Well, no time like the present.

**17:55  
Library**

Took me twenty minutes to figure out another place to go. And Madam Pince is probably going to throw me out in five minutes; she is truly _Le Moche Dame Sans Merci_. (Yes, I know the poem says "Belle" but MP is hardly beautiful. Unless you find overgrown vultures with wrinkly necks beautiful.)

I feel so sorry for those poor people starving to death in Africa. Most of them are under the reigns of foul dictators slaughtering loads of people, and the famine can't help.

**17:56**

God, now I'm really depressed.

**17:59**

I'd really fancy some chips.

**18:25  
Yep, you guessed it, back in the common room**

Madam Pince kicked me out as predicted. I am so hungry I think I might eat my own hair soon. Maybe I should. You never know; when it grows back it might no longer be boring brown and completely lifeless (i.e. just hangs there at that not-curly-but-not-straight phase and refusing to curl or be straightened) but thick, blonde and completely cooperative.

Huh. Dream on, Matthews.

I'm going to go and raid my chocolate stash.

**18:30  
Dormitory**

Hmm. Chocolate stash appears to have been pilfered by someone. Probably Mandy in revenge for the Great Cheesy Snack Theft. Goddamn her; she knows I love chocolate more than life itself!

I'm going invading.

Hang on, what the Hell is this?

Ooh, leather book. With a lock. Vair fancy. Sadly, no key.

I tried _Alohamora_. It didn't open the lock, but words in Mandy's slanted handwriting slowly appeared on the front cover. Hmm, what does it say? Oh, that's nice.

_Dear loser, did you really think I was stupid enough not to think of that?_

Dammit all.

**19:10**

Here are the things I have tried to get the damn thing to open:

**1)** Various Charms  
**2)** A hair-slide as a lock-pick  
**3)** Bent wire, same purpose  
**4)** Searching for key  
**5)** Throwing book against wall in fit of rage when unable to find key  
**6)** Kicking it  
**7)** Shouting at it  
**8)** Trying to rip it cover from cover

_Still_ the effing thing won't budge. There is no way I will be able to read the evidently top secret contents of Mandy's leather book without the key. I need the key! Although knowing Mandy she's probably got it in a secret compartment under the floorboards in the seventh year boys' dormitory, kept in a bullet-proof, fireproof, waterproof, spell-proof, reinforced safe with three codes. And then set a Chimera to guard it. And to get to the Chimera you'd have to get past the three mountain trolls down there.

I think I'm overreacting slightly. But frankly, my dear diary, I don't give a damn.

**19:30**

How to get to that key? Hmm.

**19:35**

Thinking.

**19:55**

Thinking and eating chocolate.

**20:10**

I wish they had record players here. I could really do with some REM.

**20:15**

Incidentally, I should never let anyone know that I like that band, even Yasmin. I know she doesn't know who they are, but it could get back to someone who does. And then my life will be over. (Should I have a life, which I sadly enough don't.)

**20:20**

Although I don't see why I should be ashamed of my bandom. After all, REM is a very successful band. I am hardly alone in liking them. I'm sure there's another Muggle-Born or Half-Blood here that enjoys their music.

**20:30**

Oh fab, now I have _Shiny Happy People_ stuck in my head.

**20:35**

I think I might build a castle out of Exploding Snap cards.

No. No play, must work. Must do Arithmancy homework. Must not fail. Must carry on with important homework and pass NEWT. Must not end up in another detention.

_Shiny happy people holding hands..._

OH CRAP.

**Thursday 10th May  
17:30  
Common room (I don't bloody care!)  
Thoroughly fed up with everything**

I think I may have mentioned this before, but I really, really, _really_ hate Theodore Nott.

I hate everything about him. I hate the way he looks like a midget troll with a stupid haircut. I hate the way he doesn't always close his mouth and just stands there with his mouth slightly open. I hate the fact that he thinks my name is Mudblood Matthews. I hate that he's so thick that he'd lose a battle of wits with a stuffed iguana. (Not that he knows what an iguana is.) I hate his little squinty eyes and his stupid potato-shaped nose. I hate the way he has less charm than a maternally outraged gorilla with a headache. I hate everything about him, from his appearance to his (lack of) personality.

I also hate having to do this project with him.

Hannah is in the Hospital Wing at the moment because she got on the wrong side of that Slytherin seventh year that looks like a gorilla. Thingy. Uh...Malcolm Muggeridge? Oh hang on, not him, he's that Muggle writer. He's quite funny actually. No, I mean Martin Mulbridge. That's the one. Anyway, Hannah caught him throwing some poor first year around (yes, I do mean literally) and gave him a detention. Madam Pomfrey says she'll be ok once her skull heals up and her black eyes go down.

So it was just me, Terry and sodding Nott left in Herbology to try and analyze the growth speed of a Nigerian Shrivelpod Plant depending on the fertilizer used. We had five plants and five fertilizers, so we decided to test each fertilizer. It was all good until we got to plant 5. We came to the following conclusions:

**_MegaGrow_  
**The plant grows at an average speed of 5 centimetres per week. Improved rate, but not disturbingly unnatural for a Shrivelpod Plant.  
**Conclusion: V. good**

**_Kaynitro for Pod Plants_  
**Plant doesn't appear to be moving at all.  
**Conclusion: Average (Not going to put "Bad" because the fertilizer could take effect late and be eighteen inches taller by Monday)**

**_Kaynitro Gold for Pod Plants_  
**Plant goes bright red and fizzes in an alarming manner. Have to abandon it.  
**Conclusion: V. v. bad**

**_Nitram_  
**Plant shoots up to five feet and has to be harvested prematurely and then cut back down to former height. Hideously freakish and unnatural amount of growth.  
**Conclusion: V. bad**

**Nott somehow conjuring up sulphuric acid from his wand and dousing the plant thoroughly with it  
**Instead of the predicted result of the plant dissolving, plant reacts with acid and explodes, covering not only me, Terry and Nott but Megan Jones, Wayne Hopkins, Kevin and Tracey Davis (who were standing nearby) with sticky gunk. Terry tries to strangle Nott and ends up in double detention. We all have to go and clean ourselves up. Tracey gives me a dagger look; she obviously blames me for getting goo in her perfect hair. Whole of Slytherin will be after me by tomorrow. Fed up with the whole thing. Got back and Sprout gave me, Terry and Nott detentions. Terry took anger out on my left foot. His trainers have very hard soles. Hopped around in agony for ten minutes before crashing into table. Have got three bruises on legs and possible broken toes. Had to wash hair twice to get all the stuff out of it.  
**Conclusion: V. horrific and scarring**

Louise just added to the sheer, unadulterated horror and hideousness of my fantastic life by saying, "I hear that Sprout's been having problems with the Venomous Tentacula. Maybe you'll be pruning that for your detention?"

Oh, fabulous. What a mood booster. I am now incredibly, incredibly happy and cheery. The world is suddenly blue sky and fields of flowers under a pretty, sparkly rainbow.

Not.

**Friday 11th May  
21:00  
Dormitory**

Louise was right. We _did_ have to prune the Venomous Tentacula. I have several bite marks on my hands.

I thought Nott was going to have a fit when he found out we were going near it without suits of armour. After all, a giant, red, spiky thing that bites harder than a shark is not pleasant to anything, especially to a sizeably challenged boy with the thought capacity of emulsion paint.

"I en't pruning that horrible thing!" was what he said when Sprout handed the clippers over and pointed to it. "That thing almost had my arm off the last time I went near it."

"That's because you set fire to it," said Terry, darkly. He was obviously in an even worse mood than I was. Probably because he's never had a detention before in his life. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Pruning a Venomous Tentacula is hard work. It's like trying to groom a grumpy dog with sharp teeth. You don't know when it's going to lash out and take a chunk out of your arm, so you have to be really careful. And when it does bite, it really bites. I have scars. I'm considering suing.

"Don't shout, silly! It's not that bad!" said Sprout as she wondered by with a basket of what looked like pickled figs.

"It's hard not to when you've had small bleeding teeth marks ripped into your hand by an evil possessed plant," I muttered. Not too loudly, though. Don't want a _double_ detention.

"You're lucky," said Terry at the end. "I have to stay."

"Why? Oh yeah, you tried to kill Nott," I said, scowling at the stupid little munchkin/troll hybrid. "I don't see why you got detention, actually. I'd have given you a medal."

Terry laughed. It was bitter, not amused, which didn't enforce my idea that I'm funny much. But I let him off. After all, he had another hour with the Venomous Tentacula.

Actually, I really felt sorry for him. He had to finish it at the back (where the really vicious bits are) all on his own. Yes, I know. Keira Matthews feeling sorry for Terry Boot. But it happened.

"D'you...want me to wait?" my mouth said, without consent from my brain.

Terry looked at me.

"Really? You would?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. Well, it was out now. I couldn't go back on it. "It's not like I've got anything better to do."

It was only after I'd said that that I realised that I had just implied that I had no life to speak of. (I don't, but still.) I should have said something like, "Well I'm sure the girls will be able to do that really fun and cool thing without me."

Stupid lack of imagination.

"Thanks," he said.

It was a bit awkward, actually. I was just sitting on a bench watching him attempt to prune a giant biting bush. It was actually quite boring, and soon I found myself wishing that I'd left with Nott.

"I'm taking a break," said Terry, flatly after a few minutes, plonking himself down next to me. "I am not being bitten by that stupid bloody plant again. I'll just keep a lookout until Sprout comes back."

"You brought it on yourself," I said in mock severity, taking advantage of the fact that I, for once, had the upper whatsit.

He stuck his tongue out.

"Nott deserved it," he said shortly.

And then there was that awful silence thing. Just sitting there and not talking. Bugger all. Usually Terry has everything to say, so why has he suddenly changed?

I was about to say something witty and clever (well, ish) when I noticed him looking at me. So I just looked at him right back. It was actually quite hard to keep a straight face. He just has that effect on you, y'know? Just staring at each other, right in the eyes. He's got dark brown eyes. They're quite nice, actually, sort of warm and inviting-looking. Shut up, brain, shut up!

"You owe me two kisses," I heard him mutter.

And then something really, really awful happened. It wasn't supposed to. I was going to push him off and tell him he was a stupid git, and then we'd both have a good laugh, but...

Well, that didn't happen.

He kind of leaned towards me, and I didn't shove him away! I actually put my face forwards and...

...and it's kind of all a blur, really.

Let's just say I've now officially had my first proper kiss. Sadly it was with someone who I don't even like in that way. It wasn't too bad, though. Kind of nice, in a weird way. Quite friendly, really. Shut up, brain, I didn't ask for your stupid opinions.

He suddenly pulled his head backwards, and grinned in an oddly business-like way.

"There you go. It's not so hard, is it?" he said.

"W-what?" I spluttered.

"You only owe me one kiss now," he said. "I'd demand the other one, but you might get the wrong idea."

"You think that I'd get the wrong idea."

"Yeah."

"You don't think I've already got the wrong idea?"

"Uh...have you?"

"You...you...utter pillock! You don't just go around randomly snogging people and then...being...normal! It's _weird_!"

"How?" said Terry. "How is it weird?"

"It...it..."

Actually, why _is_ it weird? After all, it wasn't like there was anything romantic or anything in it. It was just something I owed him, like paying him back a Galleon.

No. No it's not at all like that. It's very different. It sucks. I'm all embarrassed, now. I couldn't look at him at all, and then I had to scoot to the dormitory really quickly in case he tried to talk to me. Because I don't want to talk to him ever again. Stupid git.

**21:15**

Lou came up.

"Hey Kee," she said. "Why're you late?"

"Oh, I waited for Terry," I said, blushing. I wish I hadn't.

Louise gave me a knowing look.

"Ah," she said.

"No!" I scowled, sitting up and glaring at her. "It was _not_ like that at all. I just sat on the bench and waited for him to finish being eaten alive by the Venomous Tentacula. There was _nothing_ of that kind going on!"

Well, there wasn't. It was a friendly kiss. And even if it wasn't, it's not my fault. He kissed me. If it was romantic, it was because he likes me. Not the other way around.

It is not my problem.

Or fault.

Nada.

But still. I'm not telling anyone. They might get the wrong impression. I'm not even going to tell Yasmin, Louise or Mandy. I will never tell. Not even on my deathbed.

**21:30**

I accidentally told Louise my secret that I will never tell, not even on my deathbed.

And she went, "SQUEEEEEEEEE!" and ran down the stairs and told Mandy and Yasmin.

And now they know.

And they WON'T SHUT THE HELL UP.

CAN MY LIFE GET ANY WORSE?

**Five Horrible Mistakes that I Have Made that Have, Eventually, Come Back with Karmic Retribution and Ruined my Life**

**5)** Thinking a packet of Acid Pops was a packet of Softmints and coyly offering one to Chris (the rather good-looking Muggle boy that lives next-door to us) only to discover what they were and having to get Leila to sort his tongue out and modify his memory because I couldn't do underage magic.  
**4)** Accidentally spilling vodka in the cat's milk and thinking, "Oh, it won't make much difference." My arse, it didn't.  
**3)** Not running into the greenhouse as fast as possible and ending up being stuck next to Nott all year.  
**2)** Letting Terry Boot kiss me instead of beating him off, like I should've done.

**But the biggest, most stupid and basically all-round awful mistake that Keira Matthews has made is...**

**1)** Telling Louise about above mentioned kissing incident.


	7. The Sex God has Landed

Ok, quick A/N here. Just a quick apology for not updating in so long! I went to Italy for two weeks, and I've just started my 6th Form College, so I've got a pile of stuff to do. (Damn teachers!) As I'm here, I think I'll thank all my reviewers, and Mina and Jen for Beta reading for me. I love all of you. Sukie xx

---

**Saturday 12th May  
9:35  
Great Hall  
Day of the Ravenclaw/Slytherin Quidditch Game**

Louise and Yasmin were too hyped up about the match to bug me, which was good while it lasted. However, once we got onto the toast and marmalade the happiness was ruined.

"So tell me, _why_, exactly, did Terry Boot snog you if he doesn't like you?" said Yasmin.

"Because," I said tiredly, "he said I owed him. And it wasn't a snog, it was a kiss. He said that I owed him two kisses. Now I only owe him one."

"But isn't that weird? And why did you let him just snog you?"

"I don't know, this is Terry Boot we're talking about," I snapped. "He does stuff like demand kisses. You know what he's like."

"I think you're a bit sweet on Terry, Kee," said Louise, thoughtfully, chewing on a bagel.

I spat out a mouthful of pumpkin juice.

"_What_?"

"I mean, come on. You're always hanging around together, you work really well in projects, you've snogged..."

"_He_ snogged _me_!" I said indignantly. I'm fed up of explaining this by now. "And it wasn't a snog, anyway, it was just a kiss."

"Whatever. The point still stands."

"Which point would that be?"

"The point that you..."

"Heeeee-eeeeey!"

I have never been glad to see the irritatingly pretty face of Elodie Rivers before, but hey, there's a first time for everything. She did her usual trick of sliding in and changing the whole topic of conversation. I usually hate this, but then I was thankful. Because the blue and bronze hair decorations were just impossible to ignore.

"Umm...nice bow, Elodie," said Yasmin. Louise appeared to have gone into shock.

"Thanks, Yaz!" said Elodie, treating us to her most dazzlingly white smile. She was in a particularly perky mood today. In this kind of mood, Elodie really is the sort of person that you just want to kill. You know, really kill? Like jump up and down and kill? And then chop up their body into 15 different parts and flush various parts down the toilet and throw the others into the local tip? But I'm getting off the topic. Stupid brain.

She glanced at me and said, "I'm thinking of wearing a blue dress with this, to show our house colours. I think it's important to show support for our team, especially with one of our best friends out there and all!" (Presumably she means Mandy, although Mandy is by no means a friend of Smellodie's.) "What are you going to wear, Keira?"

I looked down at my T-shirt and skirt and then back up at Elodie with a due sense of dread.

"This," I replied. "Why? Is it important what I wear?"

"Of course it is!" said Smellodie, shocked. "And...uh...it's nice and all that, but why have you got a load of weird blokes with bad hair on your shirt? And what does Deran Deran mean?"

"It says Duran Duran," I said, bowing to the inevitable. "It's a very successful Muggle band that I happen to like. The 'weird blokes with bad hair' are the band members."

"Oh. But why have you slashed up the bottom?" demanded Elodie.

I went red. No one's asked why I've done that before.

"I...Madonna does that," I mumbled. This is embarrassing! I know that I have no chance of looking anything like Madonna, despite the slashed up shirt. I DO NOT NEED THIS BITCHY PRETTY-GIRL POINTING THIS OUT TO ME IN HER OWN INNOCENTLY-DELIVERED WAY.

"Who?"

"Madonna...she's like a style-icon singer person," I muttered.

"Oh. Well I can't say I think much of _her_ dress sense!" said Elodie, with a tinkling laugh that just drilled itself right into my brain. "And what about the skirt?"

What the Hell is wrong with a denim skirt? I thought she'd be able to leave _that_ alone, but nooooooooo.

"What's wrong with my skirt?" I said indignantly. "It's just a normal skirt!"

"Well no," said Elodie. "But it goes awfully with those boot things."

"They're not boots, they're Doc Martens," I said hotly. "They're very fashionable, actually. And it doesn't even _matter_ what I'm wearing! Nobody's going to _care_! I'm just another spectator! I'm not going to be sashaying onto the pitch like a stupid model!"

"Easy, Kee!" said Elodie, looking hurt. Yes, she looked _hurt_. She actually had the gore to look hurt after hacking away at my ego with an ice-pick for ten minutes. "Don't go all huffy on me; I'm only saying that you could make more of yourself."

Yeah, right.

Either way, she buggered off after a while, saying, "I'm going to go and put on my blue dress. See you at the match, girlies!"

And she minced off.

Like the opinionated, full-of-herself, conceited prat that she is.

I hope the ceiling caves in on her.

**9:55  
In the Stands**

Stupid old Yasmin forced Louise and me to buy little Ravenclaw flags that her conman boyfriend had made and was selling for the outrageous amount of three Galleons each.

"Three Galleons is a small price to pay to show loyalty," said Carmichael. Smarmy bugger.

"I can be loyal for no money," I grumbled. "Shouting at the top of my voice is free and far better than waving this stupid thing around. Nobody will be able to see it; it's about three square inches."

He just sneered at me and put his arm around Yasmin, who went all girly.

Yes, Yasmin Moon went all girly.

What is the world coming to?

We fought our way to our seats, when I suddenly noticed Terry and Michael slipping into the seats behind.

"No," I said. "We can't sit here."

"Why not?" demanded Lou. "We've got a good view!"

"The...sun is in my eyes," I lied.

Louise rolled her eyes and turned to go, but spotted Terry and Michael, now squabbling over what looked like a huge bag of crisps. When she turned back to me, she had such a knowing grin on her face that I wanted to kill her. (N.B.: That makes two people I have wanted to kill in less than an hour. Not good. Must control these aggressive feelings.)

"Awww!" she said. "Are you nervous about sitting with your boyfriend?"

I hit her.

"Shut up," I snapped. "Just _come on_."

We elbowed our way to a pair of seats and sat down.

"I'm a bit worried about how Grant Page is going to perform, you know," said Louise, thoughtfully.

"Oo-er."

"Shut up, you know I don't mean it that way. I mean performing at Quidditch. He's not been playing as good as he used to, and Slytherin's Chasers are by no means bad."

"Hmmm," I said, glancing around to make sure Elodie and/or Terry were nowhere near.

"He's got really good-looking lately, though," Lou went on. "He's the perfect Keeper build. I always thought he was the best looking Keeper, although Ron Weasley isn't shaping up too badly."

"Nah. He's quite sexy in his way, but he's no Oliver Wood," I said without thinking. It was only when I saw Louise staring at me when I realised exactly what I had said. I went the now customary shade of bright red.

"Oliver Wood?" she said. "He's a bit old for you, isn't he?"

"Not really," I said.

"Four years," pointed out Lou. "Quite a bit. Anyway, he never knew who you were. You four years below him and in Ravenclaw. You weren't even on the Quidditch team. So basically you liking him was really pointless."

"Thanks, Lou."

"Was it just a little crush, like you get on a celebrity, or was like Mandy's thing with Harry Potter?"

"What?"

"Were you obsessed with him despite the fact it was never ever going to happen?"

"No! Why does it even matter that I used to have a thing about Oliver Wood?"

"You like dark hair, don't you Kee? Oliver Wood, Terry Boot..."

"Louise, _I do not fancy Terry Boot_!"

"And you went to the Yule Ball with Dean. Even though he's all mine miney now. And he's got dark hair."

"Louise, I'm warning you..."

"Does Terry know you like Oliver Wood? Because I think you should tell him now. If he finds out somewhere else he'll be rather upset."

"Louise, _shut up_..."

"I think...ouch! Keira, you psycho, that hurt!"

"You deserved it."

"Tch."

**17:00  
Common room**

Victory! Victory! We won three hundred and twenty to sixty.

The party's been going on for ages. We don't know where Carmichael got all that food from, but it's bloody good. It's funny how it becomes so much more pleasant to be around him when he's got food.

Anyway, I'm trying to be as sultry and attractive as possible. Because I still haven't got myself a boyfriend. And I need _something_ to make Justin jealous.

Oh hell, Terry's looking at me. And it looks like he's about to come over and talk to me. And I never want to talk to him again. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

**17:02  
Hiding from Terry under a table**

He can't see me here. He must not see me.

"Keira?"

"ARGH!"

I jumped about a foot and spilt my drink all over the floor. I looked up sheepishly to find the jaw-droppingly, eye-gogglingly, brain-meltingly good-looking face of Adam Chambers, one of our Chasers, looking down at me with an amused expression.

It is hard to describe just how hot Adam is, but I will try. Take Hugh Grant, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Take out all the best parts and mix them all together. The word you are looking for is, "Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum."

Not that that means anything to anyone without Muggle parents here, as I doubt wizards watch Muggle films. But anyway.

"Oh...uh...hi, Adam, I...you might...umm...be...uh...wondering why I'm...I'm..."

By this point my brain had evacuated my head and jumped down out of my ear using a parachute and I was left gabbling complete nonsense to one of the most gorgeous guys in Ravenclaw. Possibly _the_ most gorgeous now Roger Davies has left.

"Might be wondering why you're hiding underneath a table? I was kind of," he said, smiling at me. Wow, he had a nice smile. It was different to Justin's, I have to admit, but equally nice. My God, if I could get Adam Chambers to go out with me I'd be the envy of everyone. And it would be nice, too. I've always quite liked him, but it's just a little crush, like Oliver Wood. I never actually thought anything would happen. But he's actually acknowledged me existence. Which is a plus. Shut up, brain, no one asked you.

"Oh, I'm...uh...hiding from Terry Boot," I said. Dammit, I meant to lie.

"Have you two split up?" said Adam, looking interested.

"We were never together," I said, hotly. "Everyone thinks we're going out, but we aren't. We never did."

"Oh. Well, if you haven't got a boyfriend at the moment...?"

Oh my God oh my God. He is about to ask me out. I think I'm going to pass out.

"I haven't!" I said, quickly. Too quickly. He thinks I'm eager, now. Oh God.

"...do you fancy a drink?" he said.

Dammit all.

**17:13**

I thought Louise's eyes were going to fall out of her head when she saw me having a drink with Adam Chambers. She mouthed, "As soon as you're finished, GET OVER HERE!" at me. I just gave her what I hoped was a smile worthy of Terry Boot, i.e. bloody annoying.

"So, what NEWTs are you doing?" asked Adam, casually.

"Oh, I...uh...Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures," I managed to say.

"Care of Magical Creatures? Is Professor Hagrid still teaching then?" said Adam, looking slightly sceptical.

"Well, yes," I admitted.

"He isn't a very good teacher, is he?" said Adam, matter-of-factly. "I heard a hippogriff slashed a Slytherin a few years ago."

"Oh yeah," I said. I remember hearing that rumour. According to Daphne Greengrass the hippogriff went out of control and clawed Draco Malfoy's arm. Although I couldn't really muster the strength to care. Malfoy is not my favourite person.

"D'you want to sit down?" asked Adam, gesturing towards a chair that a pair of fifth years had just vacated.

"Uh...ok," I said. When in doubt, agree blindly. It generally works.

I followed him over to the chair and squeezed in next to him. I was actually really uncomfortable (he's not exactly small) and my arms were kind of pressed together in my lap, but I put up with it. After all, if he was going to be my boyfriend I needed to make him like me, first, and no one likes a girl that's greedy with the armchair.

"So..." he said, turning to face me. I felt his arm on my shoulders, and I suddenly had a mad urge to slap it off. "You watched the match?"

"Of course," I said, and then added, "I thought you played well."

"Thanks," said Adam, smiling. His smile reminds me of someone else's, but I can't for the life of my remember whose. "Brocklehurst was good. She's one of your friends, isn't she?"

"Mandy? Oh yeah," I said.

There was a kind of awkward silence, and for some incredibly strange reason I had to really fight to stop myself doing Cossack dancing for a hilarious joke. But somehow I don't think that would've gone down too well. These Quidditch types are obviously not big talkers (apart from Mandy, who once fell victim to three lip-locking spells at once because she wouldn't shut up). Then I got a bit of a shock. I was casually trying to pull my hair out from where he was leaning on it, when he moved his head forward and put his mouth on mine.

You know the whole kiss thing you read about? Where there are fireworks in the girl's head and magical music and it's all hunky dory? Yeah, this wasn't like that. No music. No fireworks. No rush of blood to the head. No speeding heartbeat. It took about twenty seconds for it to register in my brain that I was being kissed. Also, I was sitting on one of my hands and it was really uncomfortable. I just sat there, being kissed, and trying to free my various jammed-in body parts.

Eventually he pulled his head upwards and said, "Wow."

I just hung there with my mouth slightly open. Bet that looked attractive. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Louise had pulled Yasmin away from Carmichael and was whispering and giggling frantically, with the odd gesture towards me and Adam. Good.

I think this may possibly be a breakthrough.

**19:34  
Dormitory**

It is official.

I am no longer Keira J. Matthews. I am now Keira J. Matthews, girlfriend of Adam D. Chambers. And those are completely different things, as anyone with a brain should know.

I think Louise is actually more interested than I am, to be honest. Jabbering away like a parrot on some kind of drug. What colour eyes does he have? Is he a good kisser? What did he say? Are you going out on the next Hogsmeade weekend? Yasmin abandoned trying to get a word in edgeways and went back to her reading in the end. As for Mandy, when Lou ran up to her and went, "Oh my God guess what! Keira was just asked out by Adam Chambers!" she turned to me and just gaped.

And then said, "How on Earth did _you_ manage _that_?"

Humph.

Either way, we eventually managed to escape from that chair (I was praising the heavens inwardly; my hand was about to fall off from lack of blood) and went for a walk around the lake. I actually didn't like the idea, but he suggested it and I had to agree.

We walked along and he talked and I nodded, smiled and occasionally said, "Yeah," or, "Wow," or, "Cool." I babbled a small amount of rubbish when he asked me about my friends and then he kissed me again. Three times, actually. I haven't got a lot to go on, but he's a nice kisser. And he's got a really dreamy smile. Thing is, it still reminds me of someone else, and I can't for the life of me figure out who. It's not Justin. Justin has a different smile; more sweet. Kind of angelic. Adam's is kind of crooked and more sexy than cute.

Phwoar. The Sex God has landed.

Well, I can't say it's an ideal relationship. I mean, he's nice, yes. And he's bloody good-looking. And I guess I do kind of have a thing for him, but...well, he's not Justin. And then there's the whole thing with the talking. I can't talk to him. He does all the communication. And he's the one that kisses me. He wears the metaphorical trousers in this relationship.

Ah well. He's still gorgeous.

**20:45**

And he kisses well.

**Sunday 13th May  
10:00  
By the lake**

I was happily reading _Three Men in a Boat_ when the boy I never want to speak to again (Terry Boot) showed up out of nowhere. Again.

Bugger everything.

"Hey," he said. I made sure not to look at him, stuffed my book into my bag and muttered something about meeting Mandy. I stood up, ready to leg it, when he grabbed my sleeve and said, "No. You're not escaping that easily."

I shook him off, but he stood up and fell into step next to me.

"Come on, Keira," he said, linking his arm through mine so I couldn't shake him off. "Why are you ignoring me?"

"You know," I muttered, not meeting his eye.

"Look, if it's about what happened of Friday night, don't take it personally," he said. "I thought you knew me too well to take it that way. After all, it's not entirely my fault."

"Isn't it?" I asked him, finally looking at him. I say looking. Glaring is nearer the mark.

"Well, it is _mostly_, yes," he agreed. That annoying smile was back. "But not lock, stock and barrel. Think about it. It's partly Nott's fault for blowing the plant up, it's partly Sprout's fault for wandering off during our detention and it's partly your fault, too."

"_Mine_?"

"Yeah. You didn't have to kiss me, you know."

"_You_ kissed _me_!"

I was absolutely livid. How dare he accuse _me_ of kissing _him_?

"You kissed me back," he said, raising his hands. "You could've done what you did the first time."

"The first...?"

"In the common room that time when you turned your eye green. You beat me off, remember?" he said. "Of course, I preferred it when you didn't do that. I'd strained my shoulder that day, and you punched it really quite hard."

"Oh _diddums_."

"That's not very caring."

"I'm not very caring."

"You seemed pretty uncaring yesterday, I can tell you."

I turned to look him in the face.

"What in the name of Satan's G-string are you talking about?" I asked him, trying to keep my composure as much as you can when you're talking about the Devil's underwear.

He stared at me for a whole thirty seconds before spluttering, "_Satan's G-string_? What are you on?"

"It's an expression," I muttered, turning red. "Anyway, whaddya mean I was uncaring last night?"

"I mean getting off with poor old Adam Chambers in the middle of the common room after the game," said Terry, innocently. "He's really into you, you know, and you're callously using him to get Finch-Fletchley jealous, and to get some status with your friends."

"I am not _using_ Adam!" I said, hotly. "I like him, and he likes me. And anyway, I think I deserve this. I've been single for the past sixteen years. If my life was fair Adam would've asked me out way before now. Actually, scrap that. If my life was fair _Justin_ would've ditched stupid old Smellodie and asked me out way before now!"

"But life _isn't_ fair," said Terry, shrugging. "We don't live in romance novels. Good doesn't always triumph over evil. Heroes fade into obscurity like the rest of us. People don't get the breaks they deserve. And love is not the utterly requited thing that people portray it as. You love people and they don't love you back. That's life. Not everyone finds their 'soul mate', you know. Some people end up lonely or with the wrong person. Or some people lose the right person. Yes, you may think you deserve Justin Finch-Fletchley, but you might not get him."

I just looked at him.

"Seriously," he said. "Trust me on this. If you want someone, you have to take action on it properly. There's no point in snogging the face off another guy to get Justin jealous if you're just going to do it in our common room. You have to make sure Justin knows – or at least thinks – you're madly in love with Adam. And then you have to get to know him properly. You can't rely on him being jealous of a girl he hardly ever speaks to. Talk to him. Make friends with him. And remember, he has a girlfriend already."

"Yeah, but she's a total bitch!" I found myself saying. Damn, now I sound all mean and jealous.

I am mean and jealous.

"He doesn't know that, though," said Terry. "Elodie may be a bitch, but she's a very attractive bitch. And you know how good she is at acting. She can fool most people into liking her if she wants them to."

I scowled. The tragedy is that it's true. Elodie is really pretty. She's definitely vying with Padma, Cho Chang and Sara Fawcett for the "best looking girl in Ravenclaw" award.

Not that there is an award like that. That would be stupid. But if there was, she'd be up for it.

"Well," I said, "I guess you're right. Although that sucks."

He laughed.

"Guess so!" he grinned. "So, you're speaking to me again?"

"Yeah," I said, begrudgingly.

"And you'll talk about things other than the underwear preferences of the Anti-Christ?"

"It's just an expression," I said, sheepishly. "All of us use it."

"Hmmm. So even Yasmin Moon talks about Satan wearing a thong, does she?"

"Well, no, but...shut up!"

Terry smiled at me.

"You know what, Matthews? For once I'm going to let you off."

And he just wondered off.

I just stood there, though.

I'd finally realised which person Adam's smile reminded me of.


	8. Dating Advice from the Lord and Master

Hey there! Wow, I've started putting ANs in. I hardly ever do that! Anyway, just thought I'd point out that this is the un-beta read version of Chapter 8. (My Beta was taking her time getting back to me.) So forgive any mistakes. When I get the chapter back from Jen I'll post it up so you can have a nice, clean, grammatically-correct typo-free version! Thanks to all those who reviewed. I love you guys.

**---**

**Monday 14th May  
8:30  
Moping in favourite armchair**

Have just spent fifteen minutes rushing round in psychotic rage trying to find Transfiguration books, to realise I'd already put them in my bag. I feel like one of those women on those show-the-public-how-crap-your-life-is-and-have-someone-invade-your-space-and-de-stress-your-life-when-you'd-really-rather-they-just-went-home-and-left-you-to-it programmes.

Louise says I need a self-help book or something. She said I could borrow hers and then thrust a six tonne paperback with some smug pseudo-attractive model on the front at me. Hmm. _Self-Help for the Teenage Witch_.

There is a word that would be very relevant here, but I can't seem to be able to put my finger on it.

Ah yes, I remember.

Bollocks.

**10:40  
Courtyard**

God, the most pathetic thing just happened.

In the scrum to get out of Transfiguration, I walked slap bang into someone and dropped all my books.

Ok, not particularly embarrassing. But when I stood up I was looking right into Harry Potter's face.

Yep, that's right. I'd slammed into Harry Potter. I'd dropped my books onto the feet of a Dark-Lord defying super-celebrity.

And what was worse, Mandy was clinging onto my arm within two seconds. Like a sonic-speed leech.

"Sorry," I muttered, and Harry turned away.

However, Mandy couldn't leave it. She started to babble. "Oh, I'm so dreadfully sorry for my friend, Harry! She's a little bit clumsy, see. I'm really sorry about her. She didn't mean it. Did you drop anything? Can I help you? Did she hurt you?"

And so on. He didn't even look at her. Either he's deaf or he was too embarrassed to actually look. Either way, Mandy didn't take the hint. She's still going on and on about it.

"Oh my God, oh my God! He looked at me! He actually took three seconds to look at me! And he looked right into my eyes, too! Ooh, do you think he noticed the unusual shade of brown that they are? He has such _lovely_ eyes. So green, and flecked with a kind of green-blue colour. It was like he was looking past my eyes, deep, deep into my soul...like he really felt for me and understood me."

"Mandy, he looked at you like you were a total nutcase."

"Oh, he's so cute! I love him to pieces! He's so meant for me, and I think he's beginning to realise it. The way he looked at me, like I was the only person in the room. You know, I think he's beginning to forget about Hermione Granger and move on to me."

"Uh, Mandy, this is the second time he's acknowledged your existence."

But apparently I am wrong; he looked at her in a very meaningful way that told her all about his deep, undying passion for her. Yes, that is what she said, word for word.

Sure.

**Tuesday 15th May**  
**20:20**  
**The library**

Mandy and Lou were annoying me so much I had to retreat to the library. I'm meant to be doing my Arithmancy but I don't understand it. I say that, what I mean is that I can't be asked to do it.

Adam came over to me when I was in the common room earlier. Louise looked at me meaningfully and scarpered, leaving Adam to occupy her empty seat.

"Hi," he said, smiling his sexy smile at me. I tried to smile back without looking too scary and also hoping he hadn't spotted the brand new spot I have on my chin.

"What you doing?" he asked me, shuffling closer and putting his hand on mine.

"Well, I was talking to Louise, but I'm not any more," I said.

"Oh. Cool," he said.

We sat in silence for ages. I tried not to look him in the face because I knew that if I did I'd end up going a very bright shade of red. And that would be deeply unattractive.

"So what classes did you have today?" he asked, casually draping his arm around the back of my chair.

"Oh, I...uh...Transfiguration, Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, Herbology and Arithmancy," I gabbled, quite proud that I hadn't hideously mispronounced any words. I swear dating someone involves being able to relax around them. If I relax, I'll end up talking total gibberish. I'm sure love isn't meant to be this difficult.

"Cool," he said. And that was the end of that sparkling piece of conversation. I could see Mandy and Louise ogling away from their corner by the fire, and it was quite off putting. That was, until Adam's head obscured them from vision and he started kissing me.

I have to say, he's not bad at kissing at all. I know I have little experience, but still.

He broke away after about thirty seconds – leaving me hanging there with my mouth slightly open. Bet that looked attractive – and said, "Well, I have Quidditch practice. I'll see you later."

And then Mandy and Louise came racing over and started babbling non stop. So I had to take cover in here.

God this is boring. The only person I can see is Hermione Granger, pouring over some huge book. She's been looking a bit happier lately, I've noticed. She's been a nervous wreck all year, but over the past couple of weeks she's been looking happier. Not healthier, but definitely happier. I may go up to her and suggest that she genially spends more time with people and less time with books. Although she'd probably kill me.

I wonder if she can actually remember who I am. I was her Arithmancy partner in the fourth year, so I should think so. But not many people tend to remember me. Half the year calls me Kara.

"Hello."

"ARGH!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder and fell off my chair. As I looked up from the floor, I saw a tall boy with blonde curly hair and cheekbones – good God, the cheekbones – leaning over me.

Yep. You guessed it. Justin Finch-Fletchley, looking a little bit muddy and a lot more casually dressed than usual. (Rather sexy, may I add.)

"Uh...hi," I said sheepishly, feeling my body temperature rise about 80 degrees and sitting up, hoping my hair hadn't taken on a particularly awful shape. "Sorry about that. I wasn't expecting you to be there."

"I guessed," said Justin, grabbing my hands (I thought I was going to have a heart attack at this point) and pulling me up, smiling that smile of his. (Yum.) "So how are you?"

"Embarrassed," I blurted out, scrambling back onto my chair. Dammit, that was about as cool as a melted ice cream. "But yeah, I'm ok. And howzit with you?"

Oh my God, I did not just say howzit.

"I'm alright," he said. "Not in a great mood, though."

"Why?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing you'd be interested in," he said, shrugging.

"I have all day," I said, pulling the chair out from next to me.

He smiled and sat down.

"Well, Ellie and I had this stupid fight," he said, leaning on his hand in an oh-so-sexy way. "I asked her if she'd mind if I didn't meet her tonight because I was trying out for the Quidditch team, and then she got really angry with me and said that I obviously didn't love her like she loved me and I needed to get my priorities right if I wanted to be with her."

"Why the Hell do you want to be with stupid bitchy Smellodie when I'm sitting right in front of you madly in love with you and ready to be your devoted life-long slave?"

...I was tempted to say. But didn't. Instead I said, "Oh, well, that's sad...don't you think she's being the teeniest bit unfair, though?"

"I don't know," said Justin, kneading his forehead with his knuckles. "I mean, I really, really like Ellie; she's so sweet..." News to me. "...but she seems to want to spend every waking moment with me. It's nice but it's annoying, too, because all my free time is taken up with her. I can't even hang around with my friends unless she has Charms Club or something."

Elodie goes to Charms Club?

"And she keeps going on about love and how she thinks I'm special and how she's never felt this way about anyone else and I have to smile and go along with it and say, 'I love you too' when actually it's really putting the pressure on. I'm sixteen, for crying out loud! I haven't experienced love yet! But all the same, I really like her and now our whole relationship's teetering on the edge because I had to try out for the damned Quidditch team."

I just sat there, planning out my case as to why Justin should ditch Smellodie. By the sound of it there were enough problems. When he finds out that all the things she says about love are total crap, he's going to be even more annoyed.

I wonder if I could subtly bring it up.

Anyway, he looked at me, grinned and said, "I guess you're bored of hearing this already. We don't even know each other that well, after all, and I'm pouring out my grievances."

"Oh no, not a problem," I trilled. "I'll always be ready to listen to you if you want to talk." Oh God, I sound like an agony aunt. Which is really not a good thing.

Justin smiled.

"Thanks," he said. "You're a good listener. I guess I'll see you around?"

He thinks I'm a good listener. Me. I.

Ha.

**Wednesday 16th May**  
**17:30  
The common room  
**

I've finally finished _Three Men in a Boat_. It was quite good, but old fashioned. I suppose it's all the same with these Victorian novels. But with a name like Jerome K. Jerome I think you can be given special liberties. I wouldn't be writing fantastic stuff with a name like that.

I'm so bored. I can't think of anything to do. The only halfway interesting thing that happened today was when I bumped into Pansy Parkinson and she fell into her (mercifully empty) cauldron. She really hates my guts, and it's mostly not my fault. After all, I didn't choose to be Muggle-Born.

I may end up having to go looking for Mandy's diary again, or – heaven forbid – actually have a read of Louise's stupid self-help book. I can't think of anything else to read.

**18:55  
The dormitory  
DIARY OPENED!!!!**

Muahahaha! I have at last opened Mandy's diary!

Ok, yeah, I shouldn't be looking in my friend's diary in the first place. I'm the lowest organism in the universe, friend only to the semi-evolved ocean slime and the kleptomaniac serial killer.

Stuff them, stuff that, I am proud.

It was quite simple, really. I couldn't find the key to Mandy's diary, so I took the cover off. See? I have ideas. And I know exactly how to stick it back on again. I'm surprised I didn't think of that charm earlier, actually, but never mind.

Anyway, I opened it up, ready to read the top-secret workings of Mandy Brocklehurst's brain, and I found the first page covered in little hearts with "HP" written in them.

The originality.

**19:30**

This is brilliant.

_Dear diary,_  
_This morning I got up and dressed before going down to breakfast and having sausages with ketchup and fried mushrooms. I then returned to the dormitory to clean my teeth, wash and do my hair. (French plait fastened with a red tie with a small pink butterfly attached.)  
I then went to Transfiguration. It was quite dull, although Harry Potter was looking particularly ravishing today. He's by far the best-looking boy in the school, and I think he's beginning to notice me.  
Then I had double Divination. I think Firenze was rather better than Professor Trelawney, but I still enjoy it. I'm not with Lou, Yaz or Kee though, so I have to sit with Lisa, who can be a bit irritating at times.  
I ate lunch – shepherd's pie and broccoli – in the Great Hall with Louise and then we met Keira and Yasmin by the lake. We had fun but Keira was being a bit moody, and that wasn't so great.  
After lunch I had Herbology and History of Magic. Herbology was very interesting; we're beginning more advanced work on Venomous Tentacula. History of Magic wasn't quite as interesting as we haven't finished with the Irish Troll Rampages yet. Professor Binns is really rather dull.  
I had stew for supper, which was nice. I didn't have any dumplings though. I still want to lose four pounds. I didn't have Quidditch practise today because Bradley's got remedial Defence Against the Dark Arts and couldn't call one.  
I can't think of anything else interesting that happened today, so I won't write any more.  
Mandy_

This is copied out word-for-word. I am not exaggerating on anything. Absolutely nothing was left out or added in. The above text is not edited and is completely unabridged.

It is really quite tragic. I'm torn between laughing and weeping for the sake of humanity.

**21:00**

Mandy asked me if I'd seen a little leather book because she needed it vitally.

Oops.

**Thursday 17th May**  
**20:40  
The common room**

I've just had a very...eh...interesting conversation.

I was happily sitting in my usual armchair watching Yasmin and Morag play Exploding Snap, when Michael comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder.

"Evening, Matthews," he said, in a surprisingly business-like tone.

"Uh...hi," I said.

"I hear you have a thing about Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said, with no hint of discretion.

"Shut up!" I hissed, sneaking a glance at Yasmin to make sure she hadn't heard. Luckily the card pile had chosen to explode right at that moment so she was a little preoccupied.

Michael grinned at me.

"Care to take a walk with me?" he asked. "I feel we need to do some talking."

"Uh..."

"Glad to hear it. Come on."

And I reluctantly followed him out of the portrait hole.

Funny. I like Michael and everything, but we were never bestest buddies or anything. He's funny, and dead brainy, but he always struck me as a bit full of himself. He has a right to be, seeing as he's really good-looking and has loads of girls after him. But here I am being escorted down to the lake for a stroll and a talk.

Seems I'm Miss Popular these days.

Anyway, we got down to the lake and he turned to face me.

"Right," he said, just as professionally as he had been in the common room. "What have you done to Terry?"

"What?"

"I said what have you done to Terry?"

"I know what you said! I haven't done _anything_ to Terry!"

"You have," said Michael, calmly. "He's changed. He's not like he used to be. He's all moody and snappy. And the only thing that's changed is that he's spending more and more time with you lately. So you've got to be the thing that's changed him."

"That is hardly Earth Logic," I snapped, although it was and I know it. "It could be something he's not telling you about."

"Oh, I know he's not telling me it," said Michael. "I worked it out myself. But I know you've got something to do with it. And frankly, I don't like new Terry. He's a moody grouch and a complete spoilsport. I want my friend back, please, so whatever you're doing to him, stop doing it."

"..."

I just gaped. Really. I honestly couldn't think of anything to say.

"Anyway, I hear that despite public displays of affection for our own Adam Chambers, you're sweet on Justin Finch-Fletchley."

I just scowled at him. He seemed to find this funny. As he appeared to be waiting for me to speak, I said. "I suppose Terry's been bitching about me with you, has he?"

Michael laughed.

"Hardly," he said. "I found your notebook. I need to give it back, actually, I was going to but I haven't seen you all day."

"Oh," I said, blushing slightly at my false accusations of bitching.

"Well, I have to say, you haven't got a clue about men," said Michael, leaning up against a tree trunk. I have to admit, he's really good-looking, but then we all know that my brain is a bit of a nymphomaniac.

"That's out of order!" I said, hotly. "Who are you to tell _me_ about men?"

"A man," said Michael, simply. "And someone who knows a damn bit more about dating than you. But if you don't want to know, then don't ask."

"I didn't," I said.

"Oh. Never mind," said Michael. I was reminded strongly of Terry. I can see why those two are such good friends; they're both bloody annoying. And in the same way.

After quite an awkward and long period of dead silence, I said, "So, is that all you dragged me out here to talk about? To accuse me off doing something to Terry and to tell me I'm useless with men?"

Michael didn't answer, he just looked at his watch. It's one of those funny wizard fandangos. I haven't managed to work out how people manage to tell the time by those.

"Well, it's a bit late," he said. "Better go in, now we've sorted that out. You coming?"

"Are you even going to answer me?" I said, crossly.

"Uh...no, don't think so," said Michael, shrugging. "I thought that my response answered it pretty well."

"You didn't even respond," I said.

"Exactly," said Michael, with an infuriating grin that reminded me scarily of Terry. "So, _are_ you coming in?"

"I s'pose," I said, begrudgingly.

As we walked in, he said, "I have to say, I never thought you'd end up going for Adam Chambers, or Justin Finch-Fletchley. You never struck me as the type to be into pretty guys."

I gave him one of my best Looks and said that I had a lot of unexpected attributes.

"I'm not going to make a comment on an obvious joke," said Michael, leaving me completely bettered, if not a bit embarrassed. "That's what makes me better than everybody else. But anyway, you may want to watch out for Chambers. From what I've heard he's a bit of a sex-on-a-stick guy."

I went bright red. I couldn't believe Michael was talking to me like this.

"Shut up!" I snapped. "You shouldn't make those kinds of accusations!"

"I'm not accusing anyone of anything. Calm down," said Michael. "All I'm saying is that he's going to want it at some point, so be ready. Sex without love is, after all, an empty experience. As empty experiences go, though, it's a pretty good one."

I tried to stay all righteous and indignant, but that did make me laugh.

"Still," I said, a bit worried now, as he seemed serious. "Do you really think he'll want me to, y'know...?"

"Go to bed with him?" said Michael, completely bluntly. "Yeah, probably. Not right now, obviously, but at some point in the future he's going to want it. And seeing as you're callously using him, I don't think you will. So watch out, ok?" he added, turning to stand in front of me so I had to stop abruptly to prevent myself from ploughing him over. "Don't rush into anything. I like you, Keira, even if you are a complete dork at times."

"Is this the part where I'm obligated to say that I like you too?" I said.

"I'll settle for it being implied," he said, grinning at me.

I have to say, I do like Michael. He's a nice guy. I like the way he's, y'know, so nice to me, even if he can be a bit pesky. The fact that he's easy on the eyes helps, I'll grant, but I don't like him in a romantic way. Well, not _really_.

Damned hormones. They're turning me into a promiscuous little tart.

When we got back to the portrait hole, I felt I was obliged to say thanks. So I did. Well, not those exact words. It involved a lot of stumbling over words. After all, it's hard to thank someone for something that you don't know the name of. I think I settled for dating advice in the end.

"You're welcome, Matthews," said Michael, cheerily. "After all, when it comes to lurve, I am the Lord and Master. _Asphodel_. You go in first."

I clambered into the portrait hole, followed by Michael, who wondered off somewhere. Presumably to meet Cho or Terry and Anthony. I strolled over to where Yasmin was playing chess with Mandy.

"Hey," said Mandy, as Yasmin's bishop was viciously smacked off the board by Mandy's castle. "Why were you going out with Michael Corner after hours? You secretly having a thing?"

"Nope," I said. "He just gave me a bit of dating advice. After all, he _is_ the Lord and Master."

They just looked at me.

**Friday 18th May  
12:35  
Library**

I felt like I needed to catch up with homework, so I came in here.

And ended up eavesdropping.

It's not my fault. I walked in, returned the (week overdue) book on Transfiguration I took out, and as I was happily walking towards my usual table I heard someone say, "...following Keira Matthews around."

It was Anthony Goldstein, obviously. I could tell. And the reply came from none other than Terry Boot.

"That's not true. You can't accuse me of abandoning you, and I've had a lot of work to do recently."

So I hid behind the bookshelf. After all, I'm already going to Hell for various offences. A little bit of listening in isn't going to make a lot of difference.

"I can accuse you of abandoning me," said Anthony, and evidently he wasn't happy. "I'm supposed to be your best friend and you've exchanged about ten words with me all week. All you do is sit and brood or disappear off to places that you won't tell us about."

"I don't have to tell you everything I do," said Terry.

"No, but it'd be nice if you could tell me who is so much more important and interesting than me and Michael, rather than letting me find out for myself," Anthony retorted. "And I have to say, I need to spend more time with Keira Matthews because judging by how much time you spend with her, she's the most interesting person around!"

I don't think that's entirely flattering, but if I'm honest with myself he's right. I'm really not that interesting.

"Have you been following me?" came Terry's indignant reply.

"I followed you once, and Michael's seen you a few times," said Anthony. "And every single time you were with Keira. I know she's nice and all, but I never realised you liked her so much."

"I don't!" said Terry. "It's just circumstances!"

"Circumstances!" Anthony scoffed. "I'd like to know which circumstances meant that you two ended up snogging in the greenhouse!"

"How the Hell do you know about that?" Terry demanded. I was thinking along those lines, too.

"Hannah told me," said Anthony. "You should make sure everyone's gone if you don't want to be caught. Just a tip for next time."

I can't believe Hannah saw him kiss me! And I can't believe she told Anthony, too. I know they've been friends for ages and all, but still! I don't tell Yasmin every time I see people kissing.

Admittedly, she'd never be interested.

"That's none of your business!" Terry said, hotly. "We were settling a debt, actually."

Anthony laughed for a long time before saying, "Yeah, course you were! I'll remember that one!"

"You can ask Keira," said Terry, and he sounded angrier than I'd ever heard him before. "I'm not lying to you. I _don't_ lie to you. I don't like Keira in that way and I never have. I just keep bumping into her."

Anthony laughed.

"Sure," he said.

"We'll finish this later," Terry said, threateningly. "Right now I need to go."

"I suppose you're going to meet Keira," said Anthony.

"No, actually, I have Charms Club," said Terry. "Before you accuse me of new offences I suggest you get your facts straight."

And he stomped off, causing Madam Pince to hiss at him as he went past.

Wow.

I had to dive into a seat as Anthony came out into my line of vision. I didn't turn around and hoped he wouldn't recognise the back of my head.

Poor Terry. Never thought I'd say that, but poor Terry. I feel a bit guilty, actually. I know I shouldn't. After all, no one asked him to spend so much time with me, least of all me. But I do feel guilty. Maybe I'll have to start hiding every time I see him.

Anyway, down to business.


	9. Sex Galore

**Saturday 19th May  
10:50  
Common room**

I can't stop thinking about that conversation I overheard yesterday. There's a lot of subtext in things like that. I could interpret it in several ways:

Anthony is cross with Terry because he hasn't been spending enough time with him and they are meant to be best friends. Terry thinks this is unfair. THIS I KNOW FOR CERTAIN. However, the following things are debatable:

Terry has been spending so much time away from Anthony and Michael because he doesn't like them any more. (Unlikely.)

Terry has been spending so much time with me because he fancies me. (Also unlikely.)

Anthony is so cross about him spending time with me because he also fancies me. (Ok, this is getting far-fetched.)

Terry spends so much time with me because he fancies one of my friends. (Probably Louise.)

Anthony is so cross about it because he is gay and has fallen in love with Terry. (Errrrrr...)

Anthony is cross with Terry because Michael is gay and has fallen in love with Terry and Anthony wants Michael to be happy. (I think I have problems.)

Yeah right, Matthews. Get a grip. All that I have proved is that I have crap gaydar.

**Sunday 20th May  
15:30  
Common room**

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT SCABBY MAN-WHORE!"

"Hello, Yaz."

Yasmin came stomping down the girl's stairs, followed by Louise, who was looking amused but a little scared. Everyone was watching, and I could see why. Yasmin is normally very calm. The only time I've seen her this angry was back in the first year when Michael Corner made a crude remark about her mother's photo. If Carmichael – I'm assuming it's Carmichael she's angry with – is heading for the same fate, he's going to have his lights punched out. Considering she's so skinny Yasmin is very strong.

"What's up, Yasmin?" I asked, as Yasmin stormed over to me with a face like thunder.

"_He_'s what's up!" she snarled. "_He_. _Him_. That _bastard_ that I made the mistake of becoming affiliated with!"

"Uh...she's discovered that Eddie has a few...eh...infidelity issues," said Louise, trying not to laugh.

"Really?" I said, and I was genuinely surprised. I didn't realise there was _another_ person in this school who was stupid enough to go out with Eddie Carmichael. "Who's he been going off with?"

"Miles Bletchley!"

Ok. That I was _not_ expecting. My complete disbelief was pretty obvious when my chin hit my chest.

"_Miles Bletchley_?" I spluttered. "Isn't _he_ the Slytherin Keeper?"

"Yes!" Yasmin said forlornly, sitting down heavily next to me so I practically bounced a foot off the sofa. She's always been one for melodrama. "I've been rejected for a boy who probably has troll blood in him."

"Turns out he and Eddie have been secretly going at it for quite a while," said Louise, who was wearing a badly-disguised look of delight.

"How long?" I asked.

"About a year," said Louise.

Yasmin was looking ready to kill. I moved as far away from her as I could without actually getting up.

"How did you find out?"

"Well, there were rumours that Bletchley was gay going round for ages, but we figured that someone who didn't like him had started it just to be spiteful," explained Louise as Yasmin didn't seem to be able to speak. "But even if he had been, we wouldn't have suspected that he and Eddie Carmichael would be...uh..._together_ if you catch my drift..."

"Drift caught."

"...if Ronie hadn't mentioned that there was also a suspicion that Eddie swings both ways."

"Can't you just say 'is bisexual'?" snapped Yasmin. "Honestly! You're sixteen! Grow up!"

"I'm nearly seventeen," said Louise reproachfully.

"Hang on," I said. "By Ronie, do you mean Sherona?"

"Yes."

"Mandy's sister Sherona?"

"Yes."

"Sherona Brocklehurst, the biggest liar in the fourth year?"

"That's the one," said Louise, looking a bit embarrassed.

"And you actually believed something that she told you?" I said.

"That turned out to be true," said Louise defensively. "Anyway, we did some snooping – research, if you will – and when that proved to be a tad suspicious we launched a small investigation."

"I wasn't told about this," I said, feeling rather hurt that they'd left me out on this. After all, they're _my_ best friends.

"That's because you have been spending no time with us lately," said Yasmin, waspishly, and I felt even more left out than ever. "You're always going off with Adam."

Actually, I spend most of my time alone or with whoever turns up – usually Justin or Terry – but I don't really want to tell them that. It would imply that I have no life to speak of.

I don't, but people don't need to know.

Let them believe I go off with Adam. It makes them happy. It makes Louise go, "Aww! You spend so much time together! That's so sweet!" and Mandy gets all jealous and sarky. It's quite funny to watch Mandy get jealous, because she gets all hot and bothered and surly. She can't hide anything, and she can't resist making a jab if she's in a bad mood.

I'm extremely bored by the whole thing.

**Monday 21st May  
12:53  
Arithmancy  
Passing Notes**

_Kee, this may sound a bit strange, but could you lend me 5oz powdered unicorn horn? I don't have any. Lulu x_

Yeah, sure, I have some extra. You can buy it in Hogsmeade, you know. What do you need it for, anyway?

_Just to make a potion._

What potion? You're not even doing Potions this year.

_Don't worry about it._

Seriously, Lou, what are you trying to make? It's not illegal, is it?

_No, not at all, I just don't want to say._

Louise, tell me or no unicorn horn for you.

_Fine. But promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise you won't even mention it. Not even to me._

I promise. Good God, Lou, what is it?

_Contraception potion._

_Keira?_

_Keira, please write back._

I have nothing to say.

_You'll still lend me the stuff, right? It's one of the key ingredients._

Well, yes, of course, but you can understand I'm feeling a bit…well, _disturbed_ to say the least.

_Disturbed?_

The image of you and Dean is not a pleasant one.

_Grow up, Keira, it's not that big a deal._

It _is_. And even if it wasn't, I don't really want to know. It's none of my business. And anyway, there isn't anyway for you to go. There's no way you'll get into Gryffindor Tower. And he is _not_ coming into our dormitory.

_Do you think we haven't planned that far ahead, Keira? We have somewhere. And if you didn't want to know you shouldn't have asked me. A bit stupid of you to ask, hmm?_

Where?

_I'm not telling you!_

I bet you don't.

_We do, actually, we've planned it all out._

What if you get caught? You'll be in so much trouble!

_They can't expel us for being in love._

Louise, you don't even know the _meaning_ of love! And no, they can't expel you for being in love, but they _can_ expel you for having a shag in the dormitories of another house!

_For Christ's Sake, Keira, we AREN'T GOING INTO THE DORMITORIES! We have somewhere to go, I told you! And who are you to tell me that I don't know the meaning of love?_

Your friend.

_Keira, you're so unfair!_

_Keira, write back._

_Please reply, this isn't funny._

_Keira, I'm going to bloody_ kill _you!_

**13:30**  
**Courtyard**

I can't even look at Louise. Hopefully Yasmin and Mandy haven't noticed that it's a bit awkward between us.

I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH DEAN THOMAS.

And I can't believe she's asking _me_ to give her the ingredients for a contraception potion!

I feel so defiled. Dirty and defiled.

Of course, I'm going to give her the unicorn horn. It's one of the main ingredients. Without it, the potion would be completely useless and she could end up pregnant. And that would be terrible. She'd have to leave school, and it would be really humiliating for her as well. I mean, even in the Muggle world you have to be pretty stupid to get pregnant in this day and age. In the wizarding world you have to be nothing short of brain-dead.

No. I may be appalled by it, but I'm going to give Louise the ingredients she needs. I think Shagging-Dean-Thomas Louise is better than Knocked-Up Louise overall.

Talk has once again returned to this week's hot topic: Eddie Carmichael.

"I can't believe he'd do that to me!" Yasmin is moaning.

"Have you confronted him yet?" asked Mandy, thoughtfully chewing on a banana.

"Well, no," admitted Yasmin. "But I'm going to, don't worry."

"Seems to me," said Mandy, "that you'd be better off getting your revenge rather than dumping him immediately. Put _him_ through what he's put you through before you ditch him callously."

"What, you mean I should cheat on him with a girl?" said Yasmin.

"Not necessarily," said Mandy. "But if you do, I think Ronie would be willing. If what's written on the wall of the fourth floor girl's toilets is anything to go by, she shops on the other side of the road."

Yasmin gave Mandy and extremely scathing look. I thought it was quite funny, actually. I've seen what's written in those toilets and it's highly amusing, especially when you don't like the person it's written about.

"So what do you have in mind that doesn't involve getting off with a girl?" asked Yasmin.

"I don't know, but I'm sure there're plenty of mean things you could do to him," shrugged Mandy. "Most of them involve public humiliation."

"Tell me more," said Yasmin at once.

"I can't think of them all right now!" said Mandy impatiently. "But I think it's time we launched Operation Vengeance, am I right?"

"You sound so unbelievably cliché," I said. "But yeah, sounds fun."

"I'm in," said Louise.

"Do we have to call it Operation Vengeance?" said Yasmin. "That sounds so much like a crap Muggle movie."

"What's a movie?" said Mandy.

"Never mind."

**18:40**  
**Common room**  
**Scheming**

We've come up with our first Get Carmichael plot. It involves Yasmin pretending that she wants to sleep with him, inviting him up to our dormitory and then throwing him out at the last minute in his underwear or whatever for the entire world to see.

It's not my fault. I wanted the Cat Plan. I was outvoted.

The problem is persuading Yasmin into it. She doesn't even want to _hint_ at sex. I mean, I know she's a Catholic and everything but she isn't strict. And it isn't even proper sex.

But I don't think it's Yasmin's Catholicism that's holding her back.

No, I think it's that she doesn't want to be so mean to Carmichael.

She won't admit it, obviously. She's really, really angry and she's trying to remain as pissed off as possible. However she's finding it increasingly difficult to stay angry because I do genuinely think she likes Carmichael. A lot more than he deserves, too. He's a slimy git with about as much scruple as a homicidal, Devil-serving thief and she's one of the top students in the year. And she's also really nice.

Yet she still likes him.

Weird.

**Tuesday 22nd May  
20:00  
Dormitory**

I ran out of powdered unicorn horn, so I had to go down to the Potions store cupboards and get some from Professor Slughorn. I don't mind him, but he wanted to strike up a conversation with me that I really didn't want to take part in.

"So, Miss Matthews, why do you want powdered unicorn horn all of a sudden?" he asked as I begrudgingly followed him to the store cupboard.

"Just topping up," I lied. I'm a crap liar. I probably went all red and flustered.

He either didn't notice or care, because he didn't pursue the topic. He just handed over a little jar of the stuff.

"Should keep you going," he said. "We're not going to be using too much this term, so you can get some from the Hogsmeade Apothecary if you run out again."

"Uh…thanks, Professor," I said, unable to think of a better reply.

"So, you're very good at Potions, I've noticed," he said, to my horror. I really didn't want to stay and chat to a teacher. It would basically prove that I have no life.

"Thanks," I said, trying not to sound too ungrateful.

"Did either of your parents have a knack for it at school?" he asked. "I have to say, I don't remember a Matthews when I was teaching here."

"My parents aren't wizards," I said. I hate it when people question my heritage. It was awful in the second year. I went around terrified most of the time, hiding behind my friends in case something huge with claws jumped out of a broom cupboard. I heard some rumour about a giant spider. I'm glad I never encountered it.

"Really?" said Slughorn, all interested. "I have to say, you're very talented, considering you don't have any magical background."

"Thank you," I said, again, praying that he wouldn't carry on talking about my parentage. It's a touchy subject.

"Yes, there's another girl in your year who's remarkably talented, and her parents are Muggles," said Slughorn. "A Miss Hermione Granger. Do you know her?"

"Vaguely," I said. It's true. I've spoken to her and she seems alright. A bit on the bossy side, but not nasty. Although I did hear that she attacked Ron Weasley with canaries. That is a bit on the nasty side.

"Nice girl," said Slughorn. "Seems to get on well with Cormac McLaggen."

"Who?"

"Oh, you don't know Cormac? He's in Gryffindor. Excellent Keeper, I hear."

"Oh, him," I said, remembering the incident when he knocked Harry Potter out with a Bludger in the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff match. Hardly an excellent Keeper. I don't know why he had a Bludger and a Beater's bat when he's a Keeper, but oh well. Prats don't need reasons.

"You've got a lot of intelligent people in your house," said Slughorn, who to my despair showed no sign of letting me leave. "There's yourself, of course, and there's Miss Patil, Miss Moon, Mr Boot, Mr Corner…"

"Yes, well, Ravenclaw prized intelligence," I said, hoping to end the conversation there and leave.

No.

"I've heard a lot about Rowena Ravenclaw," said Slughorn. "One of the more interesting founders. She came up with the moving staircases idea, did you know that?"

"Eh…yes, actually, I did," I said.

"Well, common knowledge these days, isn't it?" said Slughorn, trying to pretend he didn't care that I already knew one of his prize pieces of little-known trivia. "Most people have read _Hogwarts: A History_."

"Mmmm," I said.

"I say, it was a shame we didn't get to know each other a bit earlier on in the year," said Slughorn, and I privately thanked god that we hadn't. "I could have invited you to my Christmas party. A good do, it was."

"Yes, I'm sure it was. It sounded fun," I lied. From what Padma told me it was incredibly boring. The only thing that made up for it, she said, was that she was allowed to bring Blaise, and spent most of the evening under the mistletoe with him. Personally that would ruin my evening, but that's just me.

"Yes, well, these things can't be helped," he said, jovially. He's not nasty, but he really annoys me. "Well, it's getting quite late. I'll be seeing you tomorrow, then, Miss Matthews, eh?"

And he finally let me leave.

Talking to a teacher is probably the saddest thing you can do, and I just did it, despite the fact that it was involuntary.

Oh. My. God.

**20:30**

True to form, I ended up alone in the dormitory in front of the full-length mirror.

There is no doubt about it, I'm gaining weight. I'm going to end up with a huge bum if I carry on eating all that chocolate. Although on the bright side, I think my boobs are growing, albeit slowly.

The problem with being me is not that I'm ugly. I'm not ugly. I'm not particularly attractive, but I'm not ugly. No, the problem is that everyone else is prettier than me. Well, most people. Ravenclaw is not just the house of brains; it is the house of beauty as well. You can tell that by looking at the other girls in my year. Louise, Padma, Elodie, Lisa…they're all really smart and really pretty.

It's not fair.

I _know_ I should be grateful. I'm healthy, I'm privileged and I'm going out with one of the most sought-after boys in Ravenclaw. But the thing is, I don't _want_ to go out with him that much.

Yes, he's incredibly, ridiculously, unbelievable good-looking.

And yes, it does mean that I have a purpose in school. I am not longer "Keira Matthews: That Ravenclaw Sixth Year Who's Friends With Yasmin Moon, Louise Spinks And Mandy Brocklehurst". I'm "Keira Matthews: Adam Chambers' Girlfriend".

It boosts my reputation.

But there's a small problem, and it comes in the form of Justin Finch-Fletchley. Because as much as I like Adam – and I do, I guess, he's nice – Justin makes him pale into insignificance.

It doesn't help that Terry Boot keeps being all annoying.

Terry really is beginning to confuse me. He's all irritating one moment, and then he's completely ignoring me, and then he's randomly kissing me, and then he's all moody again. I thought girls were supposed to be the moody hormonal ones. Apparently Terry is the exception that proves the rule.

I think about him way too much.

**Wednesday 23rd May  
19:30  
Common room**

Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

I was rushed off my feet earlier, looking for my Defence Against the Dark Arts homework – which, by the way, I still haven't done and is due in tomorrow – and, quite logically, I decided that my bag would be a good place to look. However, I realised that I'd left my bag upstairs in the dormitory. So I went upstairs to get it.

And found Elodie lying on top of Su Li on one of the beds.

Neither of them were fully clothed.

I screamed and ran for the hills.

**Possible Reasons Why Everyone in Ravenclaw Appears to Want or Is Having Sex at the Moment**

**1) **Because they feel that they've got as far as they can in their relationships without having sex, so therefore feel that to get any further it has to be consummated.  
**2)** Because it's fashionable.  
**3)** Because there's something in the water that makes people really horny.  
**4)** Because one party is feeling pressured whilst the other party is unwilling, however doesn't want to lose the affections of the pressuring party, so does it anyway.  
**5)** Because they're all temporarily insane.  
**6)** Because it's normal at this age. (?)  
**7)** Because they all want to have children really early.  
**8)** Because they're all actually under the control of Death Eaters who got a bit bored one day and thought it would be a great laugh to get everyone to sleep together.  
**9) **They're all in love. (Yeah right.)  
**10)** Because I'm not.


	10. Lust Always Wins

**Thursday 24th May**  
**13:00**  
**Courtyard**

I was proud of myself for not telling anyone about what I saw yesterday until about thirty minutes ago when I literally bumped into Anthony Goldstein. Luckily for him I suffered more than him (he's stronger than he looks, hence being a great Beater) and dropped all my books. Unluckily for me he was not only with Terry Boot but Michael Corner as well.

"You make a habit of that?" said Anthony, good-naturedly as I apologised profusely and got down on my knees to pick up my stuff, something which I've been doing a lot recently.

"Uh…kinda," I said, and I could tell I was going red. Something else I've been doing a lot recently.

"I'll give you a hand," said Terry, and he too got down to my level – causing me to get redder for some reason – and helped me pick up my stuff. I distinctly saw Michael and Anthony exchange A Look. I hate it when that happens.

After a period of time that seemed a lot longer than it was, I finally stuffed all my things into my bag and stood up. I noticed Michael trying not to smirk.

"So, I'll be going," I said, noticing with satisfaction that Terry was looking as embarrassed as me.

"Hold up," said Anthony, moving into my path so I couldn't go any further. "Are you saying that you don't want to spend quality time with us, your best friends in the world?"

I laughed, partly because of what Anthony had said and partly because of the look that had appeared on Terry's face.

"Well, yeah," I said, unable to think of a witty response.

"That will not do," said Michael, who was looking positively evil. "You'll be eating with us today, I think."

"Uh…"

"We insist," agreed Anthony, linking his arm through mine and practically dragging me towards him. "Come on. You like us, right?"

Terry at this point had gone an amusing pink colour. It's always nice to know that someone feels worse than me. However, he handled it a lot better than I would have, and pasted the usual smirk back on his face.

"Yeah," he said, slipping his arm through my remaining one. I felt like a Hollywood starlet with two bodyguards. "You like us, right?"

"Especially ME!" said Michael, leaping comically with his arms outstretched. He was lucky not to get trampled by a load of Gryffindor seventh year girls who looked scornfully at him. He didn't seem too upset about their disdain; on the contrary he winked at one of the prettier ones.

The look on her face made her considerably less pretty.

Anyway, as I was steered away by three people – two of which I've barely even spoken to until recently – I couldn't help but notice that all three of them are really quite good-looking. I mean, Michael's attractive in an obvious way, and loads of girls fancy him and he's dated Sally-Anne Perks and Ginny Weasley and Cho Chang, but you take it for granted. It's common knowledge. When he's there in front of you, walking backwards so he can still talk to you and nearly concussing himself on stone pillars, you can't help but think he's good-looking.

And Anthony's nice, I suppose. He looks like he belongs in a mosh pit since he started growing his hair, but maybe that's the fashionable thing wherever it is that he lives. And it suits him. Makes him look older.

And Terry…we won't go there because…well, because I don't like thinking about Terry Boot full stop, let alone thinking about how attractive he is. Because he is. And it annoys me.

Stupid boys.

I suddenly realised I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, and getting slightly dodgy looks from surrounding people. Apparently a girl can't be dragged around by three of her best-looking boy friends any more.

Or maybe it's just me. Pretty girls can probably get away with it.

"So," said Anthony. "I've been talking to Su today."

"Oh," I said.

"As have I," said Terry.

"Me too," Michael put in.

God, they all talk in sync. I've got prats in stereo. I'm sure this was rehearsed.

"And he had something rather interesting to tell us," said Terry.

"Incredibly interesting," said Anthony.

"Spectacularly interesting," said Michael.

"Huh?" I said.

"It involves you," Anthony added, draping a casual arm around my shoulder. I feel extremely uncomfortable when people do that, especially boys. Although only about two boys have ever done that to me before so I don't have a lot to go on. "In fact, it involves you quite largely."

"It does?"

"It does," agreed Michael. "He told me something EXTREMELY interesting."

"So, we have a quick question," said Terry.

"Who was he shagging?" said Anthony, not beating about the bush at all. I was actually quite taken-aback.

"What?" I spluttered.

"You walked in on him, he told us that much," said Terry. "But he didn't tell us who he was actually with."

"He refuses to," Michael said. "We think she's either got a boyfriend or…well, isn't very pretty."

"Or wasn't in Ravenclaw," added Anthony. "That could be it."

"So, who was it?"

Well, on the one hand I had Su to think of. I like Su; he's a nice enough guy. A bit odd, but nice. He was my Potions partner in first year. I carried him all the way through, but he always let me copy his homework when I forgot (couldn't be bothered) to do mine. He obviously doesn't want to tell anyone. I should respect his wishes.

On the other hand, he's not the one whose relationship will suffer. He's not going out with Alison Runcor anymore, and he doesn't have another girlfriend. Ok, he may have a few people pissed off with him for getting off with another guy's girlfriend, but at least he won't get dumped. No, Elodie is the one who will suffer the most if I blab.

And Justin will dump her.

It was a battle of lust over decency. Lust won.

Lust always wins.

But not without a bit of intelligence.

"Ok, fine," I said, and their faces lit up. "But this information will cost you."

"Fine, ok, we'll settle it later," said Michael impatiently. "I promise I'll give you something. We all will." At this point, Anthony and Terry gave him exasperated looks. "Just tell us!"

"It was Elodie Rivers," I said, savouring every syllable.

"_Really_?" said Anthony, astonished. "How did he manage that?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She's really fit," said Anthony. "Way out of his league."

"I don't like her," said Terry. "She's pretty and that, but she's not a very nice person at all. I would even say she was…well, a bitch."

I managed to stop myself from smiling just in time. I don't even know why I wanted to smile. I guess it's just finding someone else who dislikes Elodie. It's a surprisingly rare thing, especially as most boys would willingly sign up to be her lifelong slave.

"More into _brunettes_, are you, Terry?" said Michael, meaningfully, and Terry scowled and went a bit red. I have no idea of the significance of that. Some in joke, probably.

"I have no preference as to hair colour, and you know it," said Terry, and he sounded thoroughly ticked off. Obviously some nerve had been touched somewhere. "I just don't like Elodie. I think she's spiteful and thinks far too much of herself. And it turns out she's cheating on her boyfriend, too. That doesn't really present her in a good light."

"It's good for you, though, Matthews," said Michael, brightly.

"Yes," agreed Anthony.

"_You_ know?" I said indignantly. I didn't know Anthony knew too. Great. My best friends have no idea how I feel about Justin but Terry Boot, Michael Corner and Anthony Goldstein all do.

Fantastic.

Thank you God.

"Yeah, I know," shrugged Anthony. "Did you expect these two –" he gestured towards Michael, who was grinning, and Terry, who was looking vaguely guilty "– not to tell me?"

"Well, no," I admitted.

"Exactly," he said. "Right, now, lady and gentlemen, we have a slight situation here."

"What situation?" said Michael. "We've found out who Su was bonking. We have no problem."

"I hate that expression," said Anthony, wincing slightly.

"What, problem?"

"No, bonking."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's just…horrible."

"Ok, we've found out who Su was _having sexual intercourse with_, Mr I'm-Too-Good-For-Sexual-Metaphors," said Michael, ignoring Terry's interruption of, "That's a euphemism, not a metaphor," with masterful technique. "So, I repeat, we have no problem."

"But we do," said Anthony. "The problem is whether we spread the word so it gets back to Justin, tell him ourselves or leave it."

"Leave it," said Michael, instantly. "I don't want to get involved."

"That's a bit unfair," said Terry. "Justin's an alright bloke."

"He's a wet, rich pretty-boy," said Michael unfairly. "Finding out that his girlfriend's been b…sorry, _sleeping with_ someone else will kill him. I don't want to be the one on trial for the murder of Justin Finch-Fletchley, thank you very much."

"Wouldn't it be better if he heard from people like us rather than people like…I dunno, Pansy Parkinson?" said Terry. "If he found out from gossip it would be twisted into something horrible, and he might not believe it. We're all trustworthy. He'd believe us."

"How many words have you exchanged with him in the past year?" said Michael, sceptically.

"Well, not many," confessed Terry. "But we've always been on relatively good terms. And Keira knows him quite well. She can do most of the talking."

"Hey!" I said, crossly. "Leave me out of this!"

"I'm afraid you're in a bit too much for us to leave you out," said Anthony. "You're the one who knows, you're the one who saw it, you're the one who told us and you're the one who's friendly with both parties. And I know you're not voluntarily friendly with one," he added, seeing the look on my face. "But if Justin knows you as one of Elodie's friends then he's more likely to trust you. You just have to act all remorseful, as if it hurts you to tell him but you have to because it's the right thing to do."

"That will be hard," I said. "I shall relish every second."

"Well don't do something stupid and let it show, whatever you do. We'll get back to you," warned Anthony. "Don't tell anyone until we've had a longer chat. Cheers, Matthews. I'll do your homework for you one day."

"Eh…thanks," I said.

"Yeah, I'll do something for you too," said Michael absent-mindedly. "Bye."

Both of them shot off so fast. It was extremely irritating. They just left me there with Terry. I dared to look at him. He didn't look awkward any more. In fact, he looked almost like his old, sarky, flirty, irritating self.

"That information's gotta be worth a couple of kisses," he said, with that all-too familiar smile. "I believe I now owe you two and you owe me one."

"No, Terry, the game is up," I meant to say.

I didn't, of course. I couldn't speak because my lips were pressed against his.

Thank God those Hufflepuffs had gone. The only people to see us were a load of Slytherin second years and a couple of Gryffindors who I didn't recognise. None of them cared anyway. You see snogging couples around here all the time. It's not an irregular thing. And it's not like we were particularly conspicuous.

You know, I would never admit this to anyone, but he's not a bad kisser. I almost enjoyed it, considering I don't fancy him.

When he finally moved away, he spoke really quickly before I could tell him what I thought of his behaviour.

"Before you start," he said. "I want to clear this up. Yes, I kissed you, but you made absolutely no attempt of stopping me. And you're the one with the boyfriend. I am not tied down to anyone at all. And also, no one who knows either of us could have seen us. And just so you know, that was my way of paying off debt. It wasn't anything personal."

"So that makes it right, does it?" I said, unable to think of an appropriate response. "Because I was polite enough not to push you away I'm the villain of the piece?"

He had the balls to _laugh_.

"Manners were nothing to do with it," he said.

"You don't know that."

"I do. You enjoy it."

"I do not!"

"You do. If you didn't, you wouldn't have kissed me back."

"I did not kiss you back!"

"You did."

"I didn't _not_ kiss you, but I didn't kiss you, if you know what I mean."

"I really don't."

"Well, _I_ do," I said. "And that's the important thing. And anyway, you must enjoy it or you would keep on doing it," I added triumphantly.

That got him. He went all red and indignant.

"That's rubbish!" he said. "I have no romantic feelings towards you."

"Well why do you keep snogging me then?" I demanded.

To my immense irritation – and his relief – Yasmin and Mandy suddenly wandered into the courtyard.

"Kee!" said Yasmin, brightly, and then caught sight of Terry and a very odd expression appeared on her face. "Oh. Hi Terry."

"Hello," said Terry, who was still a bit redder than normal. "I should go."

And he walked off, a bit too quickly I thought.

"You can't leave him alone, can you?" said Mandy, staring after him. "Mind you, he's got quite a nice bum."

Yasmin and I both snorted with laughter.

"_Nice bum_?" repeated Yasmin when she finally stopped giggling long enough to speak.

"Well he has!" said Mandy, defensively.

"And I can leave him alone," I said. "He came on to…sorry, up to me. And Michael and Anthony were here earlier, it wasn't just us two until the end."

"Could hack the tension, could they?" said Yasmin, snidely. I scowled.

"Shut up," I said. "Terry has no romantic feelings for me. He said so himself. And I have a boyfriend. I can't believe you'd insinuate that I have feelings for someone else."

Yasmin just raised an eyebrow, while Mandy made a small coughing noise that sounded remarkably like, "Lies."

Bitches.

**Friday 25th May**  
**20:00**  
**Common room**

I may have told Yasmin, Mandy and Louise about Su Li and Elodie Rivers.

Yes, I know, I'm a horrible person. I deserve to rot in the fiery depths of Hell for the rest of eternity. And I know that Su is going to suffer for my idiocy. But in my defence, I didn't mean to. It just kind of slipped out.

And of course Yasmin was appropriately horrified, Louise went, "Oh my god! SQUEE!" and Mandy just shrugged it off and made a comment about how Su has the same kind of hair as Harry Potter.

Her mind is pretty much Harry-centric since the whole incident when he actually looked at her for once. She's spectacularly excited about the upcoming Ravenclaw/Gryffindor Quidditch match. She thinks that it will be the ideal opportunity to show Harry just how gorgeous she is when she's flying around with her hair all over the place in shapeless robes that aren't even her colour.

Does she listen?

Does she Hell.

Anyway, Yasmin's reaction was similar to Terry's.

"We have to tell Justin," she said. "Or, at least, _someone_ has to tell Justin. It's a matter of principle. He's not a nasty person, and he deserves to know that he's going out with a worthless bitch who's wasting his time."

"Why?" said Louise. "I don't think we should interfere. It could put us in a really bad light. It might make us seem like we're spiteful, secret-spilling bitches with nothing else to do but split up some of the cutest couples around."

"Speshly with Justin looking like he does," added Mandy. "He has the best cheekbones I've seen in ages."

My immense gratitude to Mandy – no one else to my knowledge appreciates Justin's cheekbones as much as I do – faded when Louise said, "I vote we do nothing," and Mandy said, "Me too."

"No way," said Yasmin. "We have to do something. You're so harsh, you two, you're only out for number one."

"I agree with Yaz," I said, happy to be able to have a say in this. "I think we should tell him. After all, he thinks of us as Elodie's friends. He'd know we weren't lying."

"That is true," said Yasmin. "Thanks, Kee, never thought of that."

The conversation was broken up by the arrival of Lisa and Padma.

"Hey girlies," said Padma, slipping in between me and Louise. "What are you whispering about?"

"Do share," said Lisa, eagerly.

"We're talking about Elodie," said Mandy before we could stop her.

"What's she done now?" asked Padma, trying to pretend she didn't want to know as much as she did.

"Cheated on her boyfriend," said Mandy, blabbing what was last night a very well-kept secret to two incredibly big gossips. "Keira walked in on her in the dormitory last night with Su Li."

"Su Li? Really?" said Lisa, keenly. "I'm surprised, I thought he had better taste than that."

It's funny how Elodie is looked on from a boy's and a girl's point of view. All the girls I know have said, "Why would he want to sleep with her? She's such a bitch," and all the boys have said, "Wow, she's so fit. How did he manage to get her?" I guess it's because we know her and know just how horrible she actually is.

That or we're all jealous.

I know I am.

**Saturday 26th May**  
**17:30  
Library**

I just told Justin about Elodie.

Oh my god, I thought he was going to cry. And crying people make me extremely uncomfortable, especially crying boys.

It's all Yasmin's fault. She's the one who said, "Hey, stuff what Lou and Mandy say, you tell him. He knows you better than me, and he thinks of you as Elodie's best friend. He'll trust you. You can tell him. There he is. Go and tell him."

So I was shoved into the library, almost concussing a particularly small first year, and walked nervously over to where Justin was sitting. He was reading quite a big book, I noticed. Probably about Quidditch or something like that. Boys tend to get really into Quidditch. Personally it leaves me slightly cold, although it is nice to be able to thrash Gryffindor at something for once.

I think the Gryffindors annoy me a bit.

Anyway, I went up to Justin, and finally managed to say, "Hi," with the kind of confidence I wish I had all the time.

He looked up, grinned and said, "Oh, hi Keira. Haven't seen you for a while. How are things?"

I love his accent so much.

I said, "Yeah, they're ok, I suppose. So…have you seen Elodie recently?" (My attempt at being nonchalant.)

"By recently, do you mean today?" he asked, frowning slightly. "Because if you do, no. If you mean this week…no."

"Oh," I said. "Is it ok with you two?"

"I think it's going off the boil a bit, to be completely honest with you," said Justin. "She's been claiming that she loves me and stuff, but I just…well, I think she's being a bit clingy, to tell the truth. But then she just disappears for ages and doesn't meet me when we arranged. And she gets so cold and then suddenly springs back and puts all this pressure on me." He looked very put out. I felt as if I had to free him from his tyrannical girlfriend. But then when it came to it I kind of lost my nerve.

"Well, uh…that's sad…I'm really sorry for you two. It's…eh…a real shame...and I…well, I…I…"

"Are you ok?" asked Justin, and he looked genuinely concerned.

"Not really," I managed to say coherently. "I've…well, I'm quite tired. I've been finding it hard to sleep, really."

"You should go to the Hospital Wing," said Justin. "Madam Pomfrey will be able to help you. I can remember I had appalling insomnia last year and I went to see her. I was sleeping like a log within a couple of days."

"Yes…and, uh…talking of sleeping," I said, trying to get back onto the subject that I was meant to be talking about, "I…umm…saw something on Tuesday that I think you should know…"

"What?" said Justin, looking puzzled.

"Well, I…"

I didn't want to just spill it out. I needed the right effect. Miss Nervous-and-Hesitant had suddenly turned into Miss Devious-and-Deceitful.

"I…don't think I should tell you, actually," I said, looking as forlorn as I could. "No, actually, forget I said anything."

It had the desired effect. "What?" he asked, urgently. "Is it about Ellie?"

"Well, yes," I said, having to look away before I smiled. "But I don't want to tell you. It would be too harsh on her. After all," I said, deciding to play the worst card of all, "she _is_ one of my best friends."

"You have to tell me," said Justin, instantly. "Has she said something? Is she going to break up with me?"

I shook my head.

"Justin, I'm only telling you this because I…I feel I should," I said. "If this gets back to Elodie, our friendship will be completely ruined. I don't want to sacrifice it. So you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone that you heard this from me."

"I promise," said Justin, instantly. "I swear that I won't tell anyone that you told me this."

"Justin," I said, irritated with my inability to cry on cue. "Elodie's been sleeping with Su Li."

Jesus, I have never seen a Hufflepuff be quite as angry as he was. I thought they were of a patient, understanding disposition, but I actually backed off a bit. After the angry ranting he lapsed into the almost tearful part. You know, with the self-blaming and the self-pitying. The "why oh why" phase as Louise cheerfully called it. And then he apologised to me profusely, told me he was glad that I told him and that I was a good friend (yessssss!) and went storming off to find Elodie, who I think I can safely say will be boyfriendless by tomorrow.

Ha.

Revenge really is sweet.


	11. The DeGirlfriending of Elodie Rivers

**Sunday 27th May**  
**11:15  
Common room  
Feeling extremely smug**

It is official.

Elodie Rivers is soon to be de-boyfriended.

I'd like to see her sweet-talk her way out of this one. There is absolutely no way she is EVER going to get away with this.

Yes, I think it's safe to say that Elodie Rivers is on her way to Dumpsville.

Not that this will maim her or anything like it would for me. She's just move onto the next guy. But I'll settle for Elodie being alright as long as Justin is free. I can concentrate on ruining Elodie's life later.

Talking of ruining people's lives, we think we've got Carmichael wound up quite nicely. We just sent Yasmin to go and…well, _hint_ and she came back looking extremely pleased. Carmichael is still staring at her. She told us what she said, and quite frankly, I didn't realise that someone as academic and studious as Yasmin would say the kind of things she just did.

It redefines sordid.

Anyway, the whole thing is becoming very dull. I doubt anyone will go through with it anyway. Yasmin cares too much about Carmichael to actually do anything to him, and Louise and Mandy haven't really got the guts to do this kind of thing. And I just don't care enough.

Anyway, Carmichael's friends with Adam. If I help to show up Carmichael, I'm heading for Dumpsville myself. And unlike Elodie, I'm unable to charm my way into another relationship the next second.

Ugh.

**Monday 28th May**  
**14:20  
Herbology (God dammit)**

I know I have said this many times, but Theodore Nott is my least favourite person in the entire world.

I would honestly rather spend time with Pansy Parkinson.

At least he's given up trying to work on this project. He just sits there giving orders, which we duly ignore. I'm just sitting on the desk writing in my diary and watching Justin and Seamus Finnigan (who isn't half bad-looking himself. Shame he's gay) who are working together.

You know, I never noticed this before but now I'm presented with the back of Justin's head, all the curls at the base of his neck go clockwise except one. It's a rebel. It'll probably end up being cut off.

Although knowing me, I'm the only one who will have noticed it.

"Could you stop staring at him?" said Terry, irritably, breaking my concentration.

"Sorry," I said. "And what's your problem?"

"You're just sitting there staring at him," said Terry, who had gone a bit red. "You're not actually doing any work, which is why we're here in the first place. Although _some_ people don't seem to have realised that," he said, turning round and looking pointedly at Nott, who appeared to have got into a fight with a bit of Venomous Tentacula. I would have helped him but it was funny.

"Leave him like that," I advised. "I think Nott's best when he doesn't help."

"I agree," said Hannah instantly. "He's ok just there. We can get on with it while he does whatever it is that he does."

"I think breathing is his limit," I said, watching Nott be untangled from the plant by Professor Sprout.

"Shame," said Terry, who was bent over our project again and writing something. I couldn't see his face properly but I could tell that he'd gone a lot redder than normal. No idea why.

He didn't appear to be in a speaking mood and Hannah was busily chatting to Meg Jones who was working next to us, so I went back to watching Justin. I was sitting there happily when he looked up and caught my eye.

I was ready to run and hide whilst turning an attractive bright pink colour, but he smiled at me and waved me over.

Feeling extremely chuffed, I said, "Back in a second," to Terry and Hannah and went over to where he was working with Seamus, Hermione Granger and Daphne Greengrass.

"Hullo," he said. "I've been meaning to talk to you, Keira."

"Oh, have you?" I said, in what I hoped was friendly nonchalance. "What about?"

"I…well, I broke it off with Ellie at break," he said, looking around and lowering his voice. I looked up and noticed Elodie looking rather subdued over where she was working. "I just want you to know that I didn't tell her that you're the one who told me. I don't want you to suffer." He looked over at her, and she gave him such a filthy look, and me and even filthier one. "But Keira, take my advice. She's not as nice as she seems. I know she seems really lovely," he added, and I tried to look surprised. "But trust me. Elodie is not a very nice person."

"Ok," I said, trying to conceal the fact that I always knew Elodie was bad news. "Thanks, Justin."

"I'm so glad you told me," said Justin, smiling his delicious smile at me. I thought I was going to pass out, seriously. "You got me out of it just in time. You're such a lovely person, Keira."

"Th-thank you," I said, and I knew I was grinning some big stupid smile that probably made me look like a total prat. "I…I'm glad you think so…I should get back to my project now."

Basically I got out before I made too much of a fool of myself. That would have been catastrophic. When I got back to our project, Hannah was looking quizzical and Terry was looking really hacked off at something.

"You alright?" I said, leaning down to where he was and beaming at him. I was in such a fantastic mood.

The look he gave me made my smile droop instantly.

"That good, eh?" I said.

"If you're not going to work then feck off," he said, crossly.

This was irritating me now. Yes, I know I wasn't working and yes, I know Terry is in a bad mood. But Hell, he doesn't need to take that kind of approach. He shouldn't be taking it out on me.

"Terry, just because you're in a bad mood, it doesn't mean you can take it out on me," I said, trying to sound as hurt as possible. "I don't even know _why_ you're in a bad mood in the first place."

"Don't you?" he said, turning around to face me. I shouldn't notice this, but he's cute when he's angry. "You don't _know_ why I'm in a bad mood? Well maybe you should open your eyes, Matthews! Evidently you're the _only_ person who doesn't know!"

"No, I don't!" I replied, hotly, well aware that half the greenhouse was listening in. "I have absolutely no idea why you're so pissy. Maybe you should enlighten me, seeing as I'm _far_ too stupid to know the innermost workings of your mind!"

"I'm not telling you," snapped Terry. "You should work these things out on your own. You're going to have to get used to not having someone to tell you everything."

"Well if you can't be bothered to tell me, then you can stop being such an arsehole," I retorted. Hannah was looking slightly alarmed at this point. "If you want to brood over some mysterious yet blatantly obvious phenomenon that _everyone_ knows about except me, then fine. You do that. Just leave me out of it, ok?"

Piss.

**15:15**  
**Potions**  
**Passing notes**

Yasmin.

_Keira. What's up with you? Why do you look like Mandy when she found out Parvati Patil was going to the Yule Ball with Harry Potter?_

I'm bloody angry, that's why.

_Why are you angry? I see no reason for you to be angry._

You wouldn't know, would you? You've dropped Herbology. You don't know what a complete and utter arsehole Terry Boot was being earlier. God that boy is a pain.

_You seriously can't talk about anyone else, can you?_

I can so! I think I have a right to be a bit pissed off. I was being perfectly civil and he told me to either work or feck off!!! And then he kept being all snappy at me just because I was talking to Justin Finch-Fletchley. And _then_ he told me that if I didn't know why he was grumpy then I was being blind and that he wasn't going to tell me! So I think I have a right to be a bit cross with him. Do you?

_God Kee, you two are so…_

Yasmin, please don't finish sentences in ellipses. It pisses me off. And I would prefer it if you didn't refer to Terry and I as "you two". We are two separate people, not joined in any way.

_Ooh._

SHUT UP. I said _not_ joined. Don't be so crude. Eugh. Me and Terry. Nasty images.

_Kee, grow up. And if you hate Terry so much, how come you hang out with him so much? How come you talk about him pretty much all the time? How come you've snogged him?_

Circumstances.

_And on the topic of your Herbology row, I know why he's pissed off when you leave him and go and talk to some random Hufflepuff guy with gorgeous cheekbones and dreamy eyes._

Yasmin, do you have a thing about Justin Finch-Fletchley?

_No, but you have to admit he's pretty. Even you, Miss Going-Out-With-Adam-Chambers-In-Love-With-Terry-Boot._

I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH TERRY SODDING BOOT!!!!!!!!! I don't even _like _Terry that much!

_Methinks the lady doth protest too much._

SHUT UP YASMIN. And anyway, tell me why Terry is being such a prat.

_I'm afraid I'm going to have to do what your own beloved Mr Boot did and make the following statement: If you don't know, I'm not going to be the one that tells you._

YASMIN! TELL ME!! And by the way, he is **NOT **my beloved!

_No._

Why not?

_Because 1) I think Terry should tell you when he feels ready. He's obviously not ready and the last thing he needs is for me to tell you when he isn't ready for you to know. He trusts me, and I intend to honour his trust. 2) I think you should start working things out for yourself. 3) I like to see you get wound up about it._

Yasmin, piss off.

_Fine._

No, wait, Yaz, don't piss off, I didn't mean it.

_Didn't think so somehow._

You're so confusing. Both of you are so confusing. What do you mean ready? What could Terry possibly have to tell me that he's not _ready_ for?

_I'm sure you'll find out._

ARGH, I think about that boy too much to be healthy.

_You_ talk _about that boy too much to be healthy. But as William Shakespeare once said, "Lovers tire the hearer with a book of words." Well, those weren't the exact words, but it was very similar and I had to change it to keep it contextual._

Shut up. I'm not Terry Boot's lover. I never have been and never will be. And which play is that taken from?

_Much Ado About Nothing._

Terry annoys me. And apparently I annoy him.

_Pffffffff._

What kind of crappy response is "Pffffffff?"

_My kind._

You piss me off. You're like a female Terry Boot, but blonde.

_And you're like a female Theodore Nott, but tall._

How am I like Theodore Nott?!

_You're stupid._

_There, idiot, you got yourself a detention. You brought it on yourself. You knew Slughorn was looking and yet you still threw that at me. It bloody hurt, too. I'm expecting full compensation._

Expect away, bitch.

_Terry's looking at you._

Sod him and sod you. I don't care.

_There's longing in that gaze, Kee. You should give him one of your wistful, I-want-you looks. Show him that his feelings are requited. After all, you can't expect him to wait around forever._

Yasmin, shut the Hell up. I do not want Terry Boot. I'm just very annoyed with him at the moment, so therefore I'm talking about him. I'm now over it. Please drop the subject.

_Fine. :p_

Don't stick your tongue out at me, Moon.

Yasmin, are you ignoring me?

YASMIN?

**Tuesday 29th May**  
**12:08  
Charms**

Yasmin has definitely said something to Louise and Mandy about me. They keep looking at me, then looking at Terry and then looking back at me. Then they look at each other meaningfully and start giggling.

It's extremely annoying.

Luckily I'm partnered up with Su Li in Charms, and he doesn't know anything about the whole Terry fandango. He's a nice guy. Quiet, but nice, apart from the whole shagging Smellodie thing. I think he's figured out it was me that told Justin, though. Elodie certainly has, although she hasn't said anything yet. All we got yesterday evening was a tearful (I think she faked them) announcement that Justin and she had broken up. However, what I didn't predict was that she's not going out with Su. Apparently they've ended their little _affaire_. Su was telling me about it, and he didn't seem happy.

"Yeah," he said, after I asked him if he was ok. "I guess. But the problem is, I'm now completely undatable."

"Oh," I said, and I can completely empathise with that. "Why?" It's not like Su's ugly. He's not much of a looker, but he's alright. And loads of other girls like him. After all, he and Alison Runcor have their great long history, and Alison's lovely. A bit hot-tempered, but really nice. And it's not like she's not pretty.

And he managed to snag Elodie for a bit. That's got to be worth something.

No. Apparently no one will go out with him now because not only did he sleep with someone (which is a _hanging offence_ around here in some people's book) but he slept with someone who had a boyfriend.

Seriously, so many people are pissed off with him. I never knew so many people would be broken up about the whole Justin/Elodie split. Admittedly, it's mostly people that don't know either of them that feel that way, but still.

Poor Su. I never realised what my little confession would cost him.

**20:05**  
**Common room**

Whoa.

Just whoa.

I haven't quite absorbed what just happened.

I had spent some time down by the lake with Adam. He suggested we take a walk and I went, and to be honest I didn't have such a fantastic time. His hands tend to wander a little. But still, we went down to the lake and came back up again, and I found Elodie sitting talking to Mandy, Yasmin, Louise, Padma, Lisa and Morag.

When she saw me she stood up. She looked livid.

"_You!"_ she spat.

"Eh…me," I said, bewildered.

Elodie got up and strode towards me. I was made aware of how much taller than me she is. She stopped, hands on hips, shoulders out, all that jazz. She looked ready to kill me.

"Do you _know_ just what you've _done_?" she snarled.

"Yes, I went for a walk," I said, although I knew that wasn't what she was talking about.

"Not that," she snapped. "I meant to _me_. Ratting me out to Justin like that."

"I didn't tell Justin anything!" I lied, trying to sound hurt and confused. I could see Yasmin looking vaguely guilty. She told her! I couldn't believe Yasmin would tell her.

"Yeah, right," Elodie scoffed. The whole common room was watching now. "You were the one who walked in on us."

"Elodie, I swear I didn't tell Justin anything," I said, crossing my toes and feeling glad I don't wear open-toed shoes. "I _like_ you!" Mandy made a small amused noise, and Louise shoved her. "I wouldn't do that to you! Justin and I barely know each other!"

"Oh, of _course_," Elodie said. I've never seen her angry with me before. In fact, she's never been outright mean to me. Usually she disguised it as "friendly advice". Elodie's not the sort of person who'll tell you what she thinks straight out.

"I'm serious, Elodie," I said. "I honestly did not tell Justin anything. Ask him."

"She didn't tell him," said the voice of a mysterious third party. Male third party.

Elodie spun around.

"How do you know, Terry?" she said, angrily to Terry Boot. I realised what he was going to say a split second before he said it, and winced. This was both the thing I most needed and the thing I least wanted.

"Because _I_ did," he said.

Everyone went quiet, even Elodie, who was just staring at Terry. He's a lot taller than her, and there is absolutely no doubt that he could beat her in a fight, be it verbal or physical. Elodie Rivers is not going to take on Terry Boot in a hurry.

"_You_ told him?" she said, dumbfounded. "_You_? Why? How did you even know?"

"I've seen you around," shrugged Terry. I tried to catch his eye, but he wasn't looking at me. In fact, I got the feeling he was going out of his way to not look at me. "You should be more careful about where you go, just for future reference. And I told Justin because I thought he deserved to know. Yes, I ruined your relationship. Sue me. But it couldn't have kept you that happy or you wouldn't have slept with someone else."

Elodie just gaped at him and finally said, "Terry, do you realise what you've _done_ to me? You've split me and my boyfriend up, and you've made me accuse one of my _best friends_ of what you did!"

She turned around and suddenly flung her arms around me in what I think was supposed to be a friendly hug. It hurt, actually, and I think her perfume gives me slight allergies.

"I'm so sorry, KeeKee," she said, dramatically.

"Das awwite," I said, as best I could whilst being nearly suffocated. Also, must find some way of subtly telling her that I can't stand being called KeeKee, especially by her.

She finally let go, and I breathed sweet air.

"Terry," she said, dangerously, and Terry didn't bat an eyelid, "you're going to pay for what you've done to me. I'm going to make sure you pay. You'll be very sorry."

Terry looked at her for one whole second.

Then he laughed.

Adam appeared at my shoulder.

"She giving you grief, Keira?" he said, putting his arm around my waist and giving Elodie a scathing look. I felt momentarily proud. Adam was sticking up for me. He had never done it before. Admittedly, he'd never had to. But still.

Elodie gave him her "I'm-only-a-cute-little-girl" look.

"Oh no, Adam," she simpered. (Yuck.) "There was a slight misunderstanding, that's all. It's all cleared up."

"Oh good," said Adam, giving her a kind of "I don't trust you but you're bloody good-looking" look. He turned to me. "Come on, Keira."

And I let him lead me away from Elodie, who was now laying into Terry like anything. (Eww, now I read that that sounds really bad.)

I hate guilt, and now I have loads of it.

Oh dammit all, I'm going to have to go and thank Terry, aren't I?

**Wednesday 30th May**  
**17:00  
By the lake**

After what happened last night, I had to find Terry. I can't believe he told Elodie that last night. By the time it's got around the school a load of the Justin/Elodie-ites (shites would be a more appropriate suffix, now that I think of it) are going to hate his guts.

I went around looking for him and finally found him by the lake under a tree with what looked like a very long and difficult essay.

"Hi," I said, nervously. He looked up at me. He didn't smile.

"Hullo," he said, eyes going back to the parchment.

My heart sank. This was going to be hard. He was obviously pissed off with me still.

"Listen, about what happened yesterday," I began, but he cut me off.

"If it's what I said in the greenhouse, I'm sorry," he said. He still wasn't looking at me, but he sounded less cold. "I was in a really bad mood. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."

"That was Monday," I reminded him. "I meant in the common room yesterday. With Elodie. That was a really nice thing to do."

"It's ok," he shrugged, and he finally looked at me. Treated me to his usual grin. His teeth are surprisingly straight. Shut up, brain. "I just figured that I'd be better at handling Elodie than you. No offence meant, of course. I know that the people who matter won't care what I did, or what I claim to have done. Most of the people who actually care about the whole Justin/Elodie thing don't even know me anyway."

He winked and patted the grass next to him.

"Sit down?" he offered. I obliged.

"I guess you're right," I said. "I just…like to be liked."

"I know," said Terry, and he put his hand on my shoulder. He has big hands. I never noticed before. "You're too nice for your own good, Matthews. If I were in your situation I would've given Elodie a good kicking by now."

"It's tempting to," I admitted. "But if I do, I'm worried that she'll turn everyone against me."

"She won't be able to," said Terry, who was perusing his essay again. "Too many people like you."

"Yasmin, Louise and Mandy are only three people," I said.

"Not just them," said Terry. "Me, Michael and Anthony do. And Kevin especially does."

"I know," I said. "Yasmin…eh…told me."

"Hmmm," said Terry, looking a bit strange. But then, he is a bit strange. "Shame you're breaking his heart, really."

Dammit. He can always make me feel really guilty.

"Well, I have to go inside," he said, checking his watch. "I said I'd meet Anthony and Stephen. Nice talking to you, Matthews."

"Likewise," I said, and I wasn't lying. I like Terry. He's annoying and can be such a moody git, but I like him. He's a nice guy at heart. "By the way, are you ever going to tell me what was up on Monday? Coz Yasmin knows."

"I think everyone knows except you," shrugged Terry. "And no, I'm not going to. Sorry."

And he just walked off, leaving me sitting there wondering how the Hell I manage every time I talk to Terry Boot to get myself into a situation in which he has the one-up.

Shit.

**Things to Do**

**1)** Work out what I want for my birthday as it's in two weeks  
**2)** Find a subtle way of telling Adam that it's my birthday in two weeks as I don't think he knows.  
**3)** Get Justin to fall madly in love with me.  
**4)** Find a way of kindly dumping Adam when Justin finally realises that it's me that he wants.  
**5) **Stop kissing Terry Boot.  
**6)** Stop spending so much time with Terry Boot as it's not only having a negative effect on me, but also on him (if what Michael's said is anything to go by) and both of our sets of friends.  
**7)** Tidy up area of dormitory that has been marked out as mine as it looks like a bomb's gone off.  
**8)** Find Mandy's diary again and search for some entries that actually have something worth reading in them.  
**9)** Try to dissuade Louise from sleeping with Dean Thomas.  
**10)** Do homework!!!!!!!


	12. Clucking Bell

**Thursday 31st May**  
**18:20  
Common room**

Stephen Cornfoot and Kevin Entwhistle are weird.

There is no other way of saying it, they're weird.

I mean, Kevin has an excuse because for some reason he has a crush on me. He always has. I have absolutely no idea why he likes me when there are people like Louise and Padma around, but hey, boys have strange minds. Anyway, he has an excuse _vis-à-vis_ acting oddly. But Stephen has no excuse at all. He has a girlfriend, that red-haired Hufflepuff girl. Megan Jones.

Hang on a second, didn't Susan Bones mention something about Jones going out with that tall kid with the big teeth? What's his name…Samuel Roper? I swear she did.

Wow. Either Stephen neglected to mention their split or Elodie's not the only one around here with loyalty issues. People in this place sure do get around. Funny, because Hufflepuffs are meant to be loyal.

Apparently the Sorting Hat buggered Jones's sorting up a bit. It certainly buggered up mine. I have no idea why I've been put Ravenclaw when I'm a complete dork. I suppose when McGonagall put it on my head it took one look inside my brain and went, "No ambition, complete coward, lazy as arse…shove her in Ravenclaw."

Well, that's a bit unfair. I do have some ambition. But I'd rather be in Ravenclaw than Slytherin. Some of the Slytherins in our year are so prejudiced against Muggle-Borns I'd probably be slaughtered in a week. I bet that any Muggle-Borns in Slytherin keep it quiet. With people like Nott, Parkinson, Malfoy and Zabini around you'd end up dead by the end of the first year.

Not that they're all bad. Tracey Davis is nice enough, and Daphne Greengrass is actually very pleasant.

Anyway, before I went off on my little tangent, what was I saying? Oh yes, Stephen and Kevin. I don't even know why they came over. I was just chatting to Mandy and they both appeared, Stephen clutching a number of books.

"Here, Mandy, you can borrow these now," he said, handing them over. Mandy looked slightly alarmed.

"Uh…I didn't ask you about borrowing books," she said, with the kind of look that says, "Get away now". "We haven't spoken to each other properly since fifth year."

Abrupt but true. Mandy and Stephen had a huge long rocky relationship in the fifth year which ended when they both came out and said they fancied other people, in his case Meg Jones and in her case Harry Potter. However Mandy seems to have taken Stephen actually going out with the girl he liked as a personal insult and, as she said, hasn't spoken to him since the fifth. I suppose it doesn't really help that while his love life is thriving (err…sounds a bit bad put like that) Harry Potter has taken absolutely no interest in her whatsoever, let alone romantically.

"Oh…I swear you asked me," said Stephen. "Because on my list of stuff to do it says, 'Lend these books to Brocklehurst'."

"It might have been one of my sisters," Mandy suggested. "Have you tried Ronie?"

"Ronie?"

"Sherona, sorry. You know the one. Fourth year, big hair, debatable sexuality?"

It was Stephen's turn to look alarmed.

"No, I don't think I know her," he said.

"Well, it was either her or Heather," she said, giving him the wary eye again. "And I doubt it was Heather; she's only in the second year. You must be getting mixed up. You probably wrote Brocklehurst accidentally. You probably meant Boot or Bones or something."

Then began the bickering. Mandy and Stephen were infamous for their bickering. They acted like they hated each other rather than fancied each other. While this was going on I was just staring at the floor. I knew for a fact that Kevin was watching me. Why he can't go and find someone else to be infatuated with I will never ever know.

Finally Mandy took pity on me and said, "Kevin, why do _you_ think Stephen and I broke up? Do you think it was because I had become obsessed with another boy, or do you think it was because Stephen didn't try hard enough to keep me interested and get along? _Is it because Stephen is a complete and utter git who argues just for the sake of it_?"

"Ummm…"

He just stood there, all awkward, not looking at us. He went all red, as well. You don't argue with Mandy when she's in a bad mood. You especially don't take Stephen Cornfoot's side in an argument with Mandy. You're unlikely to come out of it with all your limbs.

"Well, thank you for ruining my day by coming over here and arguing with me pointlessly," said Mandy, waspishly turning back to Stephen when she realised Kevin wasn't going to say anything, let alone back her up. "Made my week, that did. Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you would piss off and leave me the Hell alone."

Stephen scowled at her. He can't do scary scowls.

"Steve," said Kevin. It was the first time he'd spoken. "Drop it."

He looked extremely reluctant to do so, but he settled with giving Mandy what I suppose he thought was a dignified glare and stalked off.

"He. Is. Such. A. _Prick_," Mandy snarled, sitting down really low in her chair and scowling at the world in general. "Why he had to just suddenly come up and pick a fight I don't know. I bet he knows Ronie really, nearly everyone knows who she is. I mean, for God's sake people have heard of my parents so they must have heard of Ronie!"

The Brocklehursts are extremely rare in that they are Muggles that managed to produce three witches. My parents are pretty rare for producing two, but it has happened before. Quite a few brothers and sisters here are Muggle-Born, those brothers in Gryffindor for instance. Colin and Dennis Cleaver or something. However Mandy is the only girl in the entire school that has two magical siblings and Muggle parents, to my knowledge. I know it's happened before but it's really rare. So the Brocklehursts are minor celebrities. Well, "celebrities" is exaggerating a bit. They're quite well-known among the student body, in the same way that Hermione Granger is well-known for her unbelievable intelligence.

Mandy has a point though. I have to admit, both of them are strange. I can't see why Stephen suddenly came up to Mandy and started talking to her, unless it's some kind of plot to piss her off. If it is it's worked. I've never seen her so irritated over something that small. I mean, it's only Stephen Cornfoot. It's no one important to her.

And Kevin Entwhistle has to be strange. He fancies me.

Maybe it's us that are strange. Maybe Stephen's not strange at all, but Mandy is for being so moody over nothing particularly big. And maybe I'm strange for not liking Kevin. I mean, he's nice and everything. Not too bad in the looks department. Maybe I should take him up on his offer (when he finally gets around to making it).

**18:30**

Just remembered I have a boyfriend, so taking Kevin up on his yet-to-be-made offer is not a good idea, _vis-à-vis_ not having Adam dump me and therefore being spectacularly humiliated and new status as "girlfriend of potentially best looking Ravenclaw boy now that Roger Davies has left" being shattered into a thousand pieces.

Incidentally, must find some way of gently dumping Adam now that Justin is free and single. Must do it in a kind, affectionate manner as don't want to break his heart.

Also, must come up with a really good reason. Somehow I don't think that saying, "I fancied someone else but he had a girlfriend, but now I've managed to split them up so he's free. Bye-bye," is such a fantastic idea. In fact, it could set the whole seventh year against me and probably the whole Quidditch team minus Mandy.

Need to think.

**Friday 1st June**  
**12:58  
Courtyard**

Something rather odd just happened.

I was eating with Mandy when Yasmin came up to us looking a bit pissed off.

"I've got that book," she said. "You know, the one about tropical plants that you said you didn't want to borrow. Well, I thought it would do you good," she added at the look on my face. "It's not boring at all, it's actually a fascinating read, and it'll be excellent for your Herbology NEWT. You can keep it for as long as you want, I don't need it. I know it practically off by heart anyway, so even if I hadn't dropped Herbology I wouldn't be needing it _too_ much. Anyway, I have to go and do something. I'll see you in Arithmancy."

"Can I borrow it when Kee's finished?" Mandy asked.

"Piss off, Judas," Yasmin snapped, and stalked off in a very abrupt manner.

"Why did she call you Judas?" I asked.

"I dunno," said Mandy, looking a bit guilty. A _lot_ guilty. "You know what Yasmin's like with names. She's probably got me mixed up with that kid Judas in the fifth year."

**15:30**  
**Ancient Runes**

The mystery of the "Piss Off Judas" incident has been solved. I sent Yasmin a note in Arithmancy.

Yaz, are you ok? You seemed just a touch angry with Mandy earlier. And why did you call her Judas? I know names aren't your strong point but I didn't know it was _that_ bad.

_Oh, you're so funny.  
Not.  
Anyway, it's none of your business if Mandy and I have fallen out._

Why won't you tell me?

_Because I don't want to._

Please, Yaz, I told you about the Terry Boot incident.

_Which one? There were several. You tell me about them in great long detail whenever you get the opportunity. It's rather amusing, if not a little tedious after a while._

Shut it. I meant the incident when he kissed me. Anyway, I told you that so you tell me this.

_You told_ Louise _about that, and she told me. That's different._

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase Yaz! I love you.

_No, you love Terry._

Oh great, back to the Terry jokes.

_Dude, always._

Please tell me, Yaz. You know I'll always take your side. You're my best friend.

_Please don't play the best friend card, it makes you sound pathetic._

Ok, do you accept bribes?

_Always._

I'll give you five galleons _and_ I'll buy you some of that fudge you like from Honeydukes.

_...Really?_

Really. And stop with the ellipses. They irritate me.

_I'll only tell if I can use as many ellipses as I see fit…_

Ok, fine, use the ellipses. See how much I love you?

_...I'm pissed off with Mandy because…_

Now you're just taking the piss.

_...she told Eddie that I'd been cheating on him._

WHAT? You cheated on him?

_No! She only said it because she is STUPID and thought that it would be better if he just thought I was cheating on him as it pays him back and I don't have to resort to anything. But the thing is he's now ditched me so I look really pathetic._

Whoa…Yaz, I think you're the first person ever to be ditched by Eddie Carmichael!

_Shut up or I'll make it ten galleons._

I know now.

_Damn you._

**17:00**

Yasmin isn't speaking to Mandy. Mandy knows why but is pretending not to. Louise is spending most of her time quietly speculating with me why they weren't talking. I didn't tell her that Yasmin had told me as I don't want to betray her trust.

Also Louise would demand the details.

And I can't be arsed to explain.

Also, I don't know them all.

**17:15**

Adam came over to me.

"Hi," he said, and just bent straight down and kissed me.

When he'd finally finished I managed to say something. I said, "Hello. How was your day?" Pretty basic, but a conversational masterpiece under the circumstances.

"Dull as ever," he said, waving his hand like he was brushing away a cloud of gnats or something. "Not important. Listen, do you have something you want to tell me? Because you've been acting a little bit strangely these past few days, if you don't mind me saying."

"Oh," I said, hoping that he hadn't heard about the whole kissing Terry in the courtyard thing. "Umm…no, I'm ok. Oh!" I said with a sudden burst of genius. "It's my birthday on the twelfth."

"Is it?" he said, looking puzzled. "I didn't know. You didn't tell me."

"Sorry," I said, apologetically. "I never got around to it."

"Oh. Never mind, it's not too much of a problem," he said. "Well, anyway, I hear your friend Jasmine cheated on Eddie."

"Yasmin," I said automatically.

"Well, she's not made herself too popular," he said. "Actually, most of our friends really don't like her now, and as you're friends with her, they're not over-keen on you now."

"Why?" I demanded. "I didn't cheat on anyone." Neither did Yasmin, actually, but hey.

"So, well…"

He looked all awkward.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"Well, I don't think we should see each other any more," he said, nervously. "I mean, I like you and everything, but I think that until this whole thing with Jasmine…"

"Yasmin."

"…dies down, I think we'd both be better off seeing other people. I mean, there's this girl in Slytherin who I quite like…not that I've made a move, or anything," he added quickly, seeing my face. "I'd never do that. But she's quite cool. And you've got that Terry Boot guy that you're always hanging around with, so we're both ok."

"I don't like Terry Boot in that way!" I said, crossly. I had a right to be a bit miffed. I was being dumped for no good reason and being told to have Terry Boot as a consolation prize.

I could do worse, though. I glanced at him quickly and I have to admit there is something almost sexy about him.

"That's odd, you're always spending time together," said Adam, frowning slightly. "I figured you liked him so you wouldn't mind if we broke up."

"I _don't_ like him," I snapped. "He irritates me. And I don't mind that much," I added. To be honest, I was telling the truth. This actually frees me up _and_ I don't have to find an excuse to ditch him.

It suddenly struck me that this was a really stupid excuse to ditch me.

"It seems to me," I said, and I swear he looked kind of exasperated for a second, "that if you like me as much as you say you do that you wouldn't let what your friends think be an issue. After all," I continued, "I'm sure I don't give you a lot of credibility anyway."

"It's not that," he said, impatiently. Impatiently. He was being impatient with _me_. His girlfriend. Soon to be ex girlfriend, but still. "Look, if you must know, I just think that the sun has set on our…day in the sun."

"You just said that you were breaking up with me because of Yasmin," I said.

"Will you stop being so bloody difficult?" he snapped. He's a lot less sexy when he's angry. Actually, he sounded like an irritating, spoiled child. "All you have to do is accept that it's over and leave me alone! But no. You can't. You have to pick holes in everything I say. Do you really want me to leave you sitting here with your ego in tatters? Because that's what I'll do. The reason I am breaking up with you is because I only went out with you for a bet, ok?"

There was this kind of stunned silence. I could tell everyone was looking at me. I went bright red. Don't cry, don't cry, DO NOT CRY.

"What?" I said, with as much composure as I could.

"I only went out with you for a bet," Adam said, angrily. "There. It's out. You know it. Did you really think that I liked you when I hadn't even spoken to you before?"

"You're scum," said Louise, who was sitting near me. "You really are scum. You're the lowest…"

"Oh shut up," Adam said, and Louise looked taken aback. "If your friend had just sat there and been dumped like a normal person no one would have got hurt. But she had to play the smart-arse, didn't she?" he added, giving me a really nasty look.

I just sat there and watched him stomp back to his mates. I seriously thought I was going to cry. Slowly the noise level rose and Yasmin, Mandy, Louise and Morag all descended on me.

"Oh my god, Kee, what a git!"

"I can't believe he'd humiliate you like that!"

"Prat, I bet his IQ is lower than his age."

"You're better off without him."

"I never thought he was that good-looking anyway."

"Same. I never liked him."

I muttered something about wanting to be on my own and just got up and left. They all shouted after me but to be honest, I didn't want to talk to any of them.

How could he? How could he do that to me? I had him marked down as a nice person. Apparently not. Turns out he's a git just like everyone else. No, he's _worse_ than everyone else.

It's break-up city. First Su and Alison, then Justin and Elodie, then Yasmin and Eddie, now me and Adam. And possibly Stephen and Megan.

"Keira?"

"What?" I snapped, and spun round to be face-to-face with none other than Terry Boot. Probably the last person I wanted to see. I would actually rather have had Elodie follow me. Well, actually that's pushing it a bit, but you know what I mean. I don't have the energy or the patience to have a conversation with Terry Boot right now.

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked, and he seemed genuinely concerned.

"I don't know," I said, softening slightly. It's hard to be mean to Terry when he's being nice to you. Good Lord, I was going to cry. Don't cry, don't cry. "Everyone's going to be talking about me now."

"No they aren't," said Terry, and he put his arm around me. "And if they do, people are going to be saying, 'Finally, Keira Matthews got rid of that bastard she was hanging around with. She was too good for him anyway.'"

I don't know why I did it, but I flung my arms around him. He looked a bit surprised, but to be fair to the guy he hugged me back. Shit, I had started crying.

I suddenly realised how bad it would look if someone came out of the common room and saw me crying into Terry Boot's shoulder. Pretty bad. But for once, I didn't care. It was nice.

I know, I shouldn't admit that. But it _was_ nice. It was really…friendly. And just because he's a boy it doesn't mean I can't hug him, does it? And I know that I do find him kind of attractive, and he kisses nicely and all that, but it doesn't mean we can't be friends. We can be those friends that occasionally flirt with each other. And kiss. Kissing is a friendly kind of thing.

Shut up, brain.

"You're a great person," said Terry. "Chambers doesn't deserve you. You can do so much better than him. You know that, don't you?"

"I thought he liked me," I said, glumly. I was very aware of his neck, for some reason. The fact that it was about a centimetre away from my face was…off-putting. "I guess I should have known. No one in their right mind would like me."

There was a long, awkward silence, and Terry said, "I like you."

"I meant in a romantic way," I said.

And I know this sounds really, really stupid and unlikely and that, but I would swear on a life – not necessarily my own, but maybe Leila's – that he muttered something that sounded very much like, "So did I."

"What was that?" I said, taking my head off his shoulder so we were face to face again. I realised that my arms were still around him, and I took them off quickly. He did the same, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I didn't say anything," he said. "But what's not to like about you? I mean, you're clever, you're sweet and you're pretty. I'm sure there are loads of guys out there who like you."

"Pretty? Me?" I said, secretly touched. "Yeah right."

"Please don't do that whole, 'I'm not pretty' thing," he said. "You have no idea how much it pisses me off when people do that. And _I_ think you're pretty. And I know quite a few other people that do. The majority has spoken."

He looked at his watch.

"Anyway, I should get back," he said. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Not really," I said. "I think I need some alone time right now."

"Ok," he said. "I'll see you later, maybe."

He turned and walked off. He was just about to say the password when I called after him, "Thanks, Terry."

He turned and smiled at me.

"Pleasure."

**Saturday 2nd June**  
**12:10  
Lunch  
The Great Hall**

Am I overeating about that whole, "I like you" thing? Because I swear Terry looks at me a lot more than he needs to. And why would he say he likes me if he doesn't? And I am absolutely sure that he said, "So do I." I wasn't hearing things. I've never heard things before so why should I start now?

"You alright, Kee, you seem a bit preoccupied," said Louise.

"Yeah," I said. "Look, Lou, can I ask you something? In confidence?"

"Naturally," said Lou.

"Well…do you think Terry Boot…?"

"Fancies you? Yes," she said, instantly.

"What…?"

"To be honest, I'm surprised it took you this long to work it out," continued Louise matter-of-factly. "I've known for ages. It's pretty obvious. Actually, I think the whole _house_ knows. And probably people in other houses have spotted it."

"Oh. Really?" I asked. "You're not kidding?"

"Would I kid about something that serious?" said Louise.

She's right. Lou's a dreadful gossip but she wouldn't joke about that kind of thing.

"So what am I meant to do about it?" I asked her.

"That is up to you," said Louise. "You know how you feel better than I do. You just have to go with it. If you want to confront him, you do that. If you want to go about like nothing's wrong, you do that. God knows you've been doing that long enough already; a little longer won't kill him. But one thing I would advise you to do is to stop kissing the poor guy," she added. "You're probably giving him the complete wrong impression. And Terry's a nice guy. He doesn't deserve to be strung along. So that's my opinion on the subject. Could you pass me the broccoli, please?"

And she wouldn't pursue the subject any longer.

So Terry Boot fancies me.

Clucking bell.


	13. Bludger Related Issues

**Sunday 3rd June**  
**15:15  
By the Lake with the usual suspects**

This is the life.

Sprawled out under the usual tree with a glass of pumpkin juice listening to the scratching of Yasmin's quill and the occasional stream of swear-words as she slaves away over her History of Magic homework. Combined with the tuneless humming coming for nearby birds (and Louise) and Mandy's sporadic snores, it's all very relaxing and soothing.

"Bollocking buggering sodding shitting bloody craaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"

The peacefulness was ruined slightly when Yasmin flew into one of her mad, psychotic rages and hurled Mandy's Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook into the lake. Oops.

"Yaz, that's Mandy's!" Louise said, looking stricken. "Sprout will go mad!"

Yasmin was looking slightly more mollified now she'd taken her anger out on a book, but also a little bit guilty. Yasmin's not the sort of person who usually abuses books, or condones the abuse of books. However, she is the sort of person who flies into angry violent frenzies and ends up doing things she ends up really regretting.

"Oh," she said, looking very uneasy. "I think I've just secured Mandy a load of detentions. Do you think it'll be completely ruined?"

"Yes," said Louise and I simultaneously.

"Mandy will probably just put it down to being lost, though," I added. "You know what she's like. And anyway, this weekend's a Hogsmeade weekend. She can buy another one."

"I forgot about that," said Louise. "Hopefully Dean and I will be going together. Last time was so fun. He kissed me in the Great Hall, everyone could see. It was lovely. He's so sweet, you know."

"You've mentioned," said Yasmin, who was still looking worriedly into the lake. "Oh God, I can't believe I did that. I threw a book. Into the _lake_. Why? Why did I do that?"

"Because you're an idiot?" suggested Louise, very unhelpfully.

"Shut up."

"Owww! Sodding Hell, Yasmin, you're really in a book-throwing mood today, aren't you?" said Louise, irritably rubbing her head where the offending object had hit her.

"Don't make me hit you again."

"Talking of the Hogsmeade weekend," added Yasmin, turning to me, "I'm assuming you haven't secured yourself a date, yet, Kee, seeing as you only suffered you heart-wrenching split from Adam two days ago?"

"Well, no," I admitted, but then Louise had to stick her foot in it.

"Ask Terry, Kee," she said.

"No," I said, flatly. "I'm not asking Terry. Just because he fancies me it doesn't mean…"

"Christ almighty, it's a Christmas miracle!" declared Yasmin, sitting bolt upright and ignoring Louise's remark of, "You really need a new calendar." "Are you saying you've finally realised that Terry fancies you? Or was I hearing things? Surely this isn't possible? The oblivious Keira Matthews has finally realised that Terry…"

"Shut up, Yasmin," I snapped.

"Well, you've got no excuse now," said Yasmin, brightly. "You know he likes you back so you _have_ to ask him to go to Hogsmeade with you. It makes sense. You know it's all good."

"What do you mean he _likes me back_?" I asked, suspiciously. "He likes me. I don't like him. Well, I _do_, but not like as in _fancy_ like. I only feel friendship towards him."

Louise looked at me.

Yasmin looked at me.

Mandy looked at me.

"When did you wake up?" I asked her; annoyed that she'd "woken up" at the crucial moment to start deciding if my feelings for Terry were platonic or romantic.

"About fifteen seconds ago," she said, stretching. "Why, what did I miss?"

"Nothing of importance," I started to say, but I was interrupted by Yasmin, who proclaimed, "Joyous and gleeful tidings, for Keira Matthews has finally realised the romantic inclinations of Terry Boot."

"Really?" said Mandy, interestedly. "Took you long enough."

"Shut up," I said.

"Touchy," muttered Mandy. "Just because you have no success in your love life."

Ha! So going to the Yule Ball with Wayne Hopkins (who was suffering from terminal acne at the time) then dating Stephen Cornfoot for a while and breaking up spectacularly so they now can't talk to each other without it becoming a blazing row is her idea of a successful love life, is it? And I haven't even _started_ on Harry Potter.

"Anyway," she said, sitting back. "It's not like he's not a good catch."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, he's one of the brainiest people in the year," said Mandy. "He got about nine Os in his OWLs. And he's really funny. We were paired up in Potions once, and he had me in stitches. And you have to admit he's good-looking."

"I wouldn't say good-looking…"

"I would," said Louise. "He's got lovely eyes, have you noticed?"

"Of course she has!" sniggered Yasmin. "She must have gazed into them a few times when she was snogging his face off."

"I think he's got pretty nice everything to be honest," said Mandy. "If you don't want him, I'll have him, Kee. He's got a really nice bum."

"You've mentioned," said Louise, laughing.

"I mean, obviously he's no Harry Potter," Mandy went on, and Yasmin rolled her eyes to the heavens. "But he's really good-looking. Gives Michael Corner a run for his money, in my humble opinion."

I was getting really pissed off with them now, especially as I have actually noticed Terry has really nice eyes and nice hair and a nice smile. And yes, I have noticed that he's funny and clever and all that. But he's also _Terry Boot_. I don't fancy him. Ok, we've shared a few kisses and I can't say I disliked them, but that doesn't mean I fancy him. I can just appreciate that he would be a good boyfriend. If I fancied him. Which I definitely don't. End of story. Finito. Nada. Period.

My thought process was mercifully interrupted by Mandy saying, "Hey, you haven't seen where my Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook has got to, have you?"

Oops.

**14:29**

Literally ran into Justin just outside the library. Luckily I didn't do my usual trick of dropping everything onto the floor. That is becoming something of a habit lately.

"You're keen," he said, smiling that delicious smile at me.

"Thanks. For the help," I added, quite sanely for me.

"Pleasure," he said, standing up and handing me my falling possessions. "So you going in, passing by or coming out?"

"Oh, passing by," I lied. I don't want him to think I'm just some boffin type who just sits in the library doing homework. He probably thinks I'm like that because I'm in Ravenclaw. Most people seem to. If they knew that I was only put in Ravenclaw by default they'd change their minds.

"Great," he said. "Me too. Fancy a walk?"

I managed to say, "Yes please," in between being very red and inwardly singing, "OH YES OH YES OH YES OH YES!" and resisting the overpowering urge to do war dancing.

Maybe war dancing wasn't very appropriate, but it was a victory dance.

Anyway, I digress.

So, anyway, I followed him down into the entrance hall for a walk around the lake. He's so nice to me. And it helps that he's rather delicious.

I was getting a little bit worried because he wasn't talking, but then he said, "You're really good at Care of Magical Creatures, aren't you, Keira?"

"Uh…I'm quite good, yes," I said, feeling proud that he took enough notice of me to remember this.

"You're too modest," he said, smiling at me and I could feel myself melting. "I know you're really good. Elodie always used to mention how you helped her out with her homework before…you know. I found out that she wasn't being faithful."

For once Elodie had done something right. She's right, too. She's crap at Care of Magical Creatures. If it weren't for me she'd have failed. I don't know why she took it at NEWT.

"Thanks," I said, blushing. Although it wouldn't have shown very much as most of the time I am very red around Justin. I suppose it comes with the territory of being a minor Sex God.

"I'm pretty useless, actually," he said. "I don't think practical work is my area of expertise. I'd probably be failing Herbology right now if it weren't for Seamus and Hermione. Oh, and Daphne."

Hmm. He'd made a special emphasis on "forgetting" Daphne. Daphne is not unattractive. I would say pretty. Must make a mental note to watch out for her from now on if Justin likes her.

I hope he doesn't.

"I heard you broke up with Adam Chambers," he said.

"Oh. Eh…yes," I said.

"I know how you feel," he said, sympathetically patting my arm. Arm glows with possibly radiant and divine light. "Breaking up with someone is tough. I can empathise with that."

"Mmmm," I said. "But I'm not all that cut up about it. It wasn't such a hard blow as it was with you and Sm…Elodie."

"I'm feeling very fragile at the moment," continued Justin. "I feel I can talk to you, Keira. You're a really good listener. I can tell you things I can't tell other people. I hope you know that."

"I do now," I stammered. Not great, but a literary masterpiece under the circumstances.

"It's just not as easy to get over someone as I anticipated," said Justin, sadly. He looked so sweet and sad. I just wanted to snog his face off. "I mean, I know now that Elodie is a really nasty person but there are still feelings there, you know what I mean?"

"Uh…yes," I lied. To be honest I have never experienced that kind of thing, but hey.

"I hope you don't mind me having a go at your friend," said Justin, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't. It's mean of me. But what she did to me has really hurt me."

He sat down on a kind of fallen log thing. I just stood there awkwardly, not wanting to sit next to him in case it seemed too forward. He looked really unhappy. This wasn't really particularly confidence-inducing but still. He'd asked me to come for a walk with him. That had to count for something, right?

"You should let go of it," I said, trying to sound as kind as possible. "It will be hard, but try to move on. It will take time but you will manage it in the end. Trust me."

Trust me.

I have no experience.

"You're right. Of course you're right," he said, sitting back and running a hand through his hair distractedly. _Ran a long-fingered, artistic hand through his springy sun-coloured curls._ "It's only sensible. But Elodie and I were together for so long and I liked her so much. Ernie told me the best way to get over a girl is to go out with another one."

"I'M RIGHT HERE!"

No, I didn't say that. But I implied it with a look. He didn't notice, though. To my horror he said, "Susan asked me out yesterday but I had to turn her down. I just don't think I'm ready for another relationship until I'm completely over Elodie. And I don't think it would be fair on the girl, either, just to use her to try and get over my ex."

"Yes, you're right," my mouth said without my brain's permission. "That's really thoughtful of you. There aren't many boys in this school that would be that considerate of a girl's feelings."

Dammit. I know for a fact there are plenty of boys who think like that. Loads that don't, but there are still a large amount that do. It seemed to work, though, because he grinned at me. If he kept this smiling up I was going to be a puddle on the floor by the end of the evening. Yasmin would have to carry me to lessons in a flask.

Shut up, brain, no one asked you.

"Thanks," he said. "I try to value other people's feelings. Ernie tells me I need to value mine more. Do you think I should, Keira?"

"I…I don't think I know you well enough to comment," I said, startled at this on-the-spot question.

"We'll have to fix that," said Justin. There was a definite flirtatious quality in his voice. "Are you going into Hogsmeade with anyone next weekend?"

"No," I said, breathlessly.

"Really?" he said, surprised. "I thought you'd be going with Terry."

"I am not going out with Terry Boot!" I said, indignantly. He looked a bit taken aback, so I softened my tone a bit. "Sorry," I added. "But everyone makes that assumption. Terry's a friend of mine but there is not romantic attraction between us. I'm sorry I snapped. And no, I'm not going into Hogsmeade with him."

I wasn't entirely lying. There isn't any romantic attraction on _my_ behalf, and that's the bit that counts.

"Oh, I'm glad that's cleared up," said Justin, looking relieved. "It's just I've heard various rumours and you seem to hang around together a lot, so I figured you might be dating. Sorry. So, anyway, about Hogsmeade. There are a load of us going down together. Do you fancy coming along?"

"Oh, I'm sure I would!" I said, trying to tone down the eagerness. "Of course, who else is going?"

"Oh, Seamus, Ernie, Hannah," said Justin, counting on his fingers. "Lisa, Kevin, Stephen and Sally-Anne."

"Quite a few, then," I said, feeling simultaneously honoured that I had been chosen and dubious at spending large amounts of time with Stephen Cornfoot and Kevin Entwhistle. "Well I'd be happy to go. Thank you for inviting me."

Yessssss!

I am going on a big group outing with Justin Finch-Fletchley for the Hogsmeade weekend!

Must persuade Yasmin, Louise or Mandy to come with me, though. I like Lisa and everything but we don't have all that much in common.

**Monday 4th June**  
**12:25  
Lunch  
Great Hall  
6 days until Hogsmeade**

Yasmin and Mandy are all pissed off with me for arranging to go to Hogsmeade with other people. (Louise of course is going with Dean so doesn't care. I doubt she even knows; she doesn't listen much these days.) Mandy is especially pissed off because Stephen will be there. I am sensing sexual tension galore between them but she just tells me that I'm "consorting with her enemies" and am therefore "betraying her" by going.

Yasmin is just annoyed that she has to go with one person. It looks a bit sad wondering around Hogsmeade in a two. Like you have no friends and no life to speak of.

"For God's sake, Kee, don't leave me alone with Mandy!" she said, cornering me after Transfiguration. "I like her and all but she's being unbearable at the moment. All I will hear is 'Harry Potter this' and 'Stephen Cornfoot that' and possibly 'I can't believe Keira is hanging around with my ex boyfriend who I obviously still like'."

"I'm sorry, Yaz," I said, smugly, "but I was invited and it would have been rude to say no. You could come too if you want," I added, hopefully.

"And make polite conversation to intellectually challenged acquaintances all day?" she said, wrinkling her nose. "No thanks."

"Lisa's going," I said, frowning. "You like Lisa. And Stephen and Kevin aren't intellectually challenged. They're in Ravenclaw. And Ernie Macmillan isn't either. He got into NEWT Potions, so he must be ok."

"Lisa's ok I suppose," said Yasmin, begrudgingly. "But Stephen and Kevin are strange. And Ernie's a real snob. As for Hannah Abbot, Seamus Finnigan, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Sally-Anne Perks, well…I hardly know them, do I?"

"This is your chance to _get_ to know them!" I said, earnestly.

But she refused.

Typical.

**Tuesday 5th June**  
**17:30  
Common room**

Was – in theory – doing my Charms homework and not bothering anyone when Michael Corner and Anthony Goldstein showed up. Terry-less, I noticed, although I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed. Relieved, probably.

"Hi," I said, shutting my book, and not hesitantly. "Can I help you?"

"I doubt it," said Anthony, and he didn't look too happy. Oh God. He had a massive bruise on his forehead. His fringe didn't quite cover it. That looked attractive. Not.

"Shut up, Ant," said Michael. "Using that tone is not helpful in the slightest. So. Miss Matthews. You've been mucking Terry around again. I thought we had a talk about that kind of thing."

I scowled. I was less pleased to see them than I was originally.

"No I have not," I said. "It's not _my_ fault that he fancies me. He approaches me, not the other way around. It's not my fault," I added again, just to put emphasis on this point.

Anthony was looking sceptical and Michael more so.

"Come on," he said. "Don't tell me it's all one-sided. You've never turned down any of his advances. And it's pretty obvious that you fancy him too, so why don't you swallow your pride and ask him out rather than arsing around and playing games with him all the time?"

"It's ticking him off," added Anthony. "And when Terry is ticked off he makes sure that everyone around him is ticked off too. He's an 'I'm-suffering-so-you-must-all-suffer-too' kind of guy."

"I do not fancy Terry!" I hissed, angrily. "How many times do I have to go through this with people? I like someone else! Terry is just a friend! And he isn't even a good friend! He's really annoying at times!"

"That's just his way of showing he likes you," said Anthony. "The more he takes the piss the more he wants a kiss."

"Eugh," said Michael. "That's awful, Anthony."

"Just because you have no sense of poetry," said Anthony. "Anyway, it got the point across."

They do make me laugh, even if they're accusing me of fancying Terry. Which I don't.

"Look, I'm sorry that Terry's a moody git," I said. "But it's not my fault. He should get over it and stop turning up wherever I go. Maybe the less he sees me the less he'll like me."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," Michael said.

"Not always."

"No, but the way my luck's going Terry will not be one of the exceptions," said Anthony bitterly.

"How are _you_ unlucky?"

"The girl I fancy is going out with someone else and refuses to acknowledge my existence. My Beater's bat has broken and I might not be able to get a replacement by the match so I'll be replaced by Andrew Appleby, the most arrogant kid in the fifth year. I've got a massive disfiguring bruise on my forehead where the same Bludger that broke my bat hit me and I have a lovesick grouch and a pubescent cretin as friends."

"Hey!" said Michael.

"Cruel but accurate," I said. "I see your point, but maybe you should be confronting Terry and not me. I don't go after him. You should tell him to stop hanging around with me. And don't bring your Bludger-related issues into this."

"If we confront Terry he just finds some excuse to run off," said Michael. "He's even started hanging around with Stephen and Kevin to get away from us. Obviously he can't establish a proper friendship with Kevin because it'll just die when Kevin finds out Terry likes you too. Seems you're quite the Miss Popular these days," he added. "Boys falling at your feet left right and centre."

"Two," I said, pointedly.

"Well I've heard there are developments on the Justin Finch-Fletchley front," Anthony said. "I've been talking to Hannah and apparently you're going into Hogsmeade with him next weekend. Am I right?"

"Well, yes," I said, blushing, "but it's not _just_ me. It's a load of other people too."

"The point still stands," said Michael.

I was about to ask which point that would be when he just turned and walked off, followed by Anthony.

They are so bloody annoying!

**Wednesday 6th June**  
**19:30  
Dormitory**

Hell's Bells and Satan's Thong.

I somehow ended up walking out of Transfiguration with Terry. I don't know how I managed it but I did. I'm sure it's his fault. He practically stalks me. And I earned myself a _really_ dirty look from Michael. He obviously thinks I'm stringing Terry along. But as I have said before, it's not my fault that Terry follows me.

"Hi," he said. He was being normal. He doesn't realise that I know he fancies me.

"Uh…hi," I said, looking around for an escape route. Where the Hell was Yasmin when you need her?

"I hear you're going to Hogsmeade with Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said.

"How did you find that out?" I asked indignantly. It seems that everyone in Ravenclaw knows about my social life these days. "I suppose Michael and Anthony told you."

"No, I was talking to Lisa earlier and she invited me along," said Terry. "And obviously I asked her who else was going and she mentioned you and Justin. Go figure."

"Oh," I said. "You're coming, then?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Why? You don't mind, do you?"

Yes, I do mind. I won't be able to concentrate with Terry making snide remarks and making me laugh all day. Fantastic. And also, why did Lisa invite him? I didn't know he and Lisa got on well.

Why do I even care?

I don't care.

"No, I don't mind," I lied. "I was just clearing that up. Why? _Should_ I mind?"

My attempt at trying to turn the situation over to my advantage was somewhat ruined when Terry said, "Probably, seeing as you go on about how much I annoy you."

I felt kind of guilty then.

"You don't _annoy_ me as such," I said, avoiding looking at him because I could imagine the look on his face. "It's just that you can be…uh…a bit…well, yeah. You can be a bit annoying. Sorry."

Terry laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. It was a sad kind of laugh.

"Ok," he said. "Well, I'll go then. I wouldn't want to annoy you."

And he walked off.

How can he do that? How does he manage to make me hate him, like him, hate him again, be absurdly attracted to him and then feel really bad about being mean to him within about three days?

How?

**Reasons for Jumping in Lake and being Eaten by Giant Squid**

**1)** Would make the squid happy and as I seem unable to make anyone else happy that would be a Good Thing.  
**2)** Wouldn't have to put up with annoying, self-righteous friends.  
**3)** Wouldn't have to put up with annoying, self-righteous, sarcastic, guilt-making, irritatingly good-looking, invited-to-come-to-Hogsmeade-with-us-by-Lisa-stupid-Turpin Terry Boot.  
**4) **No homework.  
**5)** No school-work.  
**6)** I wouldn't have to put up with my parents sending me letters about how fantastically Leila is doing and how they wish I could be ask good as she is when they know there is no way I could ever be up to her standards. (I got _another_ one this morning.)  
**7)** May end up a martyr, which would be cool.  
**8)** Justin might realise suddenly how much he loved me.  
**9)** Would no longer have an inferiority complex.  
**10)** Wouldn't have to put up with Elodie.


	14. Accidental Face Contact

**Thursday 7th June**  
**21:10  
Common room**

There are rumours going round that Terry and Lisa are "more than friends". (That was the one I heard, anyway.) To reinforce this, they're currently sitting together. She is flicking her swishy blonde hair around and laughing.

She has very straight teeth.

In fact, she's very pretty. I know I knew this anyway, but she is.

Terry is now laughing too.

And the worst thing is that I have to pretend I don't give a damn when actually I really want to know all the gossip. Yasmin keeps giving me odd looks and Louise has started looking all pitying at me like I'm supposed to care. Because I don't care. I'm just being nosy. I don't care if they're going out. I just want to know. But the thing is I can't ask or people will think that I _do_ care.

Maybe I'll be able to get them to casually slip it into the conversation on Saturday.

God that's going to be awkward.

**Friday 8th June**  
**11:25  
Care of Magical Creatures**

Chatting to Mandy whilst trying to stop our designated Crup Harry (Mandy named him) from clawing Sally-Anne Perks and Alison Runcor's Crup's eyes out. Those two have taken an exception to each other for some reason and we spend most of the lesson trying to stop them from attacking each other. Harry and their Crup, not Alison and Sally-Anne, obviously.

"Get back here, you stupid animal! So, you heard the rumours?" asked Mandy, clinging onto Harry's collar. "Damn, this little bugger's not as sweet as his namesake, is he?"

"You don't know if Harry Potter's sweet or not, Mandy, you've never spoken to him," I said, tetchily. "He could be worse than this for all you know. And which rumours do you mean?"

"The ones about OWWWWW!"

"The ones about oww?"

"No," said Mandy, wincing and sucking her breath in. "This stupid little _bastard_ just took a chunk out of my ankle. She looked down and pulled her robes up. I retched. "Shit, it's bleeding!"

"You figured?" I said, grimacing at the sheer hideousness of Mandy's ankle. Forget Draco Malfoy and the hippogriff, this looked much worse. "Oh craaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"

In the pain of only having half an ankle left, Mandy had let go of Harry's collar and he'd gone speeding towards Alison and Sally-Anne, who were attempting to beat him off with the _Monster Book of Monsters_. Professor Hagrid soon got caught up in it and we ended up having to wrestle the two Crups away from each other and locking them away to calm down.

"Anyway," said Mandy, who'd had some kind of antiseptic bandage wrapped around her ankle by Professor Hagrid. "I mean the rumours about Lisa and your beloved."

I frowned.

"If you mean Terry when you say my beloved, no, I haven't heard the ins-and-outs. Do share."

Mandy laughed.

"I don't think there have been any ins-and-outs yet," she giggled. Eugh, how disgusting. Now I have a picture of Terry and Lisa in my head. Get out of my brain!

"Very funny," I said, punching her on the arm. It was a bit harder than I intended.

"That's nice, isn't it?" scowled Mandy, clutching her arm in an affected way. "Attacking a cripple. All I did was make an amusing pun. Well, all I've heard is that Lisa asked Terry out yesterday and he graciously accepted. They're going into Hogsmeade this weekend with a load of people. Probably some massive orgy."

I feel sick.

"Uh…they're coming with the same group I'm going with," I said, uneasily.

This amused Mandy so much I thought she was going to have a seizure. She was attempting to speak to me through her uproarious laughter and I managed to make out, "God…you…Terry…group…Lisa…Seamus Finnigan…foursome...Three Broomsticks…hahahahahahaha."

I feel _really_ sick.

**15:30  
Arithmancy**

Have been haunted by images of massive gang bang in the middle of the Three Broomsticks ever since Care of Magical Creatures. People keep telling me I'm unnaturally quiet and that I look pale.

I hate Mandy.

**16:50**

Oh my god.

Kevin Entwhistle is going to be there.

Everyone knows he fancies me, the poor, strange boy. Maybe he asked Justin to invite me along to the orgy so that he and Terry Boot can gang rape me without it being too conspicuous.

Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooooodddddddddddd!

I think I'm going to be sick.

_Keira Matthews, you are a sick and stupid person. Just because Mandy made a stupid joke you now think that_ Kevin Entwhistle _is going to rape you at a massive fling that_ Justin Finch-Fletchley _invited you to? You know perfectly well that neither of them know what to do when faced with anything more sexual than a stick. There is no way that either of them would take part in anything like that and you know it. Mandy made a _joke. _That's right, a _JOKE. _You know, when a person says something funny that isn't usually true? Pull yourself together and stop being such a fool._  
_Yours exasperatedly _  
_Your friend, _  
_Yasmin Moon_

Gee, thanks Yaz. I got up for five minutes and I come back to random and pointless scribbling in my personal, private diary. Such reassuring words, Miss Moon. Not.

**17:00**

Am really scared about tomorrow.

Feel sick.

Don't want to go.

If I must take part in group sex can I please choose the people at least? I mean, there's Justin (phwoar) and Seamus Finnigan isn't bad. However Seamus is also gay, so he will take no interest in me. And excuse me, but Stephen Cornfoot? Are you kidding? And Kevin Entwhistle. And Ernie Macmillan, who is nice and all that but he is not small.

Also I hope they don't expect me to go girl-on-girl.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I now have images of…

No, I can't even write it. It's too horrible to think about.

I think I'm going to have a lie down.

**17:15  
Dormitory**

Nearly fell asleep but woke up as fresh images of tomorrow's orgy threatening to turn into dreams. Well, nightmare would be more appropriate. Why didn't I agree to go to Hogsmeade with Yasmin and Mandy? Why?

Why?

**17:20**

I will tell you why.

Because I am an idiot who will go along to a massive gang bang with ugly people just because the person who invited me happens to be a Sex God of oedipal proportions.

NB: Look up meaning of oedipal.

**17:30**

Umm...maybe Justin's not a Sex God of oedipal proportions. Maybe I will just stick to saying "really incredibly ridiculously gorgeous" rather than experimenting with words I don't know the meaning of.

**17:45**

My God I'm scared. I am also frightened, afraid, terrified and fearful. On top of that I am also petrified, worried and anxious. Not to mention apprehensive, panicky and alarmed.

**17:47**

Morag just – rather rudely, I feel – told me to "stop looking through that bloody dictionary and put it away or I'll take it from you, concuss you with it and throw it into the lake".

Which is a bit harsh.

**18:00**

Gang bang.

**18:15**

Kevin Entwhistle and Terry Boot.

**18:20**

The Three Broomsticks.

**18:30**

Mandy was just forced to come up here by Yasmin and Louise to tell me that she was joking about tomorrow and that she seriously doubted that there would be any dodgy sexual practices going on.

Lisa looked a bit worried as she left.

**18:40**

Lisa came up to me.

"You're coming into Hogsmeade, tomorrow, aren't you?" she asked, nervously. "Hannah mentioned something about Justin inviting you to come along. Are you coming?"

"Yes," I said, with fresh fear.

"Umm…was Mandy talking about Hogsmeade when she mentioned all those things about weird group sex stuff going on tomorrow?" she went on, tensely. "I mean, has she heard anything?"

"No," I said.

Lisa went off looking worried. Good. That leaves two of us.

Anyway, she's got Terry. Stupid Terry dater.

**19:00**

Louise came bounding up, glanced at my diary and saw the bit about Lisa and Terry. She raised her eyebrows and says, "Jealousy is very bad for the skin, Keira."

"I'm not jealous!" I said huffily.

"And in denial, too," said Louise. "You know, denial of the green-eyed monster is even _worse_ for the skin. I mean, forget chocolate, the thing that will _really_ give you spots is denying being jealous of they guy you like's new girlfriend."

"I don't like him!" I said, hotly. "And I'm not jealous!"

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much," said Louise, smugly.

I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You've been talking to Yasmin, haven't you?" I said. "She's always saying that to me."

Louise looked at me pityingly.

"It's a well-known quote, Keira," she said. "Shakespeare, the genius that is. Was, I should say. Although I don't recall which play. The green-eyed monster, that's Shakespeare too. From Othello, that one."

"Shut up."

"Touchy. Just because you don't appreciate great literature."

"No, I just don't appreciate people like you throwing it in my face smugly and irritatingly."

"You're just sore because Terry Boot has a girlfriend, aren't you?"

"Piss off."

**Saturday 9th June**  
**10:30  
Common room  
Day of Hogsmeade trip  
Shared shitless**

There are some things that everyone is scared of that just don't affect me. Spiders, for instance. I don't give a damn about spiders. I can happily hold a tarantula and it will cause no emotions in me at all. Doesn't affect me. I will repeat: there are some things that terrify everyone that I just don't get scared about.

Being gang raped by a load of people during a massive blowout in Hogsmeade, however, is not one of them.

Man, am I scared.

Also the prospect of seeing Justin is a bit terrifying. How do I know I won't do something stupid like throw up all over him when I see him? I don't, that is the answer.

Chances are I will do something like that, too.

**12:45**  
**The Three Broomsticks**

Ok, I'm guessing that Yasmin was right and that this is not, in fact, an orgy. It seems, well, pretty normal. Just a load of friends hanging out in Hogsmeade together. Perfectly normal and innocent.

I'm having trouble not talking, though. As I tend to sound like a madwoman when I talk around Justin I've decided I'm going to be very quiet. This gives me an air of mysterious sexuality, I like to think. But it's really hard not to say something. When I dropped a galleon on the floor and went down to pick it up, it took all my self-control not to look up at Ernie Macmillan and go, "What light doth through yonder window break?"

This is the kind of thing that goes on in my head. This is why I've decided not to talk.

Although watching Terry sitting there with his arm around the back of Lisa's chair is kind of off-putting. Not that I care, but still. He could be less public about it. And I know it's hardly saucy or anything, but…oh I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just pissed off because yesterday I had a boy fancying me and today he's just got over me in a snap.

Yes, that's it.

I'm not jealous.

And I don't care.

**13:30**

Went to the loos and before I managed to get in was cornered by Stephen Cornfoot. To my horror he put his head roughly forward and kissed me. I managed to shove him off, which was a great feat seeing as I was in shock.

"What's the big idea?" I demanded, and he looked a bit shirty.

"Nothing," he said, looking at the floor. Gotta say, I can see why Mandy ditched him. Not the best kisser in the world. Actually, it bloody well hurt. It was less of a kiss than him pushing his mouth onto mine. And his teeth aren't the smallest in the world.

I suddenly realised his arms were still barring me from moving. I pushed them down with the intent to get away quickly, but he seized my forearm.

"Hey, Matthews, don't think you can get away that easily," he said, pulling me back so I had to look him in the face. Oh God. "Don't think I just snogged you for the sake of it."

"Why did you do it then?" I demanded, and to my horror my voice went all shrill.

"To get your attention," said Stephen, simply.

"What's wrong with tapping me on the shoulder?" I asked, crossly

"I need to talk to you," said Stephen, ignoring me. "And I need you to listen."

Why is it that boys all want to talk to me these days?

"What about?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Mandy," he said. "I want you to talk to her because she refuses to listen to me."

"That's because you pick fights with her when you speak to her," I pointed out. "Also, the only excuse you use to talk to her is by saying you've got a book to lend her. If you want to talk to her, just talk to her. I'm sure she'll be more receptive if you don't confuse her by offering to lend her stuff that she never asked for."

Stephen frowned.

"I suppose you think that I want to get back together with her?" he said.

"Uh…well, yes, kind of," I said.

"Well you're wrong," said Stephen. "I don't. But I do want to talk to Mandy about something, and I want you to tell her to meet me tomorrow at seven in the library."

"Umm…what makes you think that she'll go just because I ask her to?" I asked.

"Because you're not going to tell her who she's meeting, idiot," said Stephen exasperatedly. "Make something up, I don't care. I just want to talk to her, and I think this way is the only way I can. Thanks for the tip on telling her straight out, though, I'll try that out. Although if she attacks me I'll be sending you the medical bills."

It was at that moment that someone quite tall chose to bash into Stephen, sending him shooting forwards into me. Not only was I wedged between a wall and someone who I've barely spoken to up until now, but Stephen's face had been pressed onto mine. I pushed him off again – although to give him credit he seemed as taken aback as me – and looked up to see Terry Boot standing there staring at me. Stephen nodded at Terry, said, "Remember what I asked you, Matthews," to me and walked off hastily.

"Oh, hi," I said, sheepishly.

"Hi," said Terry, raising an eyebrow. He looked around (probably making sure Stephen wasn't in earshot) and added, "I wouldn't have thought Stephen was really your type, Keira. Do you make a habit of kissing your best mates' ex boyfriends?"

I went bright red.

"We were not kissing," I said angrily. "You bashed into him and he went right into me. It was…_accidental face contact_. You shouldn't go around insinuating potentially slanderous things, you know."

"I didn't mean then, I meant earlier," he said, looking sceptically at me. "When you got up from the table. He followed you and the next thing we saw you were kissing."

"That was so he could get my attention," I said, knowing just how pathetic I sounded. "And anyway, if you'd been looking you would have seen me push him away. And who do you mean by we?" I asked, panicked in case Justin assumed that I fancied Stephen Cornfoot and not him.

"Don't worry, your precious Justin didn't notice," he said. "Lisa noticed and she pointed it out to me. She thinks it's sweet. She's a very nice person. She doesn't judge people. But then she doesn't really know you as well as I do."

I was livid. What the Hell gave him the right to talk to me like this?

"Listen, you," I snarled, tempted to withdraw my wand and point it at his face, but that would probably get me barred. Even if I did, Terry could jinx me to jelly within five seconds. "I don't know what your bloody problem is, but please leave me out of it. I'm getting sick of you being all patronising and superior. Even if I had kissed Stephen, it's none of your bloody business! Just sod right off. I almost thought you were a decent person, you know, but obviously I was wrong. Just because you fancy me it doesn't mean I have to like you back! Because I don't like you! In fact, I thoroughly _dis_like you!"

Shit. I hadn't mean to tell him that. He looked at me like I'd slapped him in the face. I thought I was going to cry. Actually, I thought _he_ was going to cry. And that would've been horrific.

"Fine," he said, in a very un-Terry like voice and walked into the boy's loos.

I headed for the girls. I locked myself in a cubicle and started to cry.

I hate boys.

**15:35  
Common room**

Finally managed to compose myself and return to the table. To my relief Terry wasn't there any more. Neither, I noticed with annoyance, was Lisa. They'd probably gone off to Woodcroft Hill or something. Well, she's welcome to him as far as I'm concerned. Maybe she will be able to put up with his violent mood swings, because I certainly can't.

I had no trouble not talking after that. I just sat there and listened to the others talk, occasionally catching Justin's eye. It's quite heartening that he doesn't tend to look at the other girls much. And it's not like I'm the prettiest. Sally-Anne Perks is a lot more attractive than me, and I'm sure he could go out with her if he wanted to. But no, he's going to choose me.

I hate Terry, though. He's ruined my day. I kept getting distracted, thinking of the look on his face before he went off. I shouldn't feel guilty. It was his fault that I said those things because he was being a complete bastard. He antagonised me and he got what he deserved. Anyway, it's true. I _don't_ like him. But the thing is that I do feel guilty. I don't like upsetting people.

In the end I had to say I'd leave early. To my delight, Justin said, "Yeah, I'm getting a bit tired, I'll walk back with you, Keira," and got up to walk back with me.

He talked _a lot_ on the way back. I listened, occasionally laughing and making the odd comment. When we got to the castle doors, he smiled at me and said, "You know, Keira, you're an incredibly good friend to me. We haven't even known each other for that long and I already feel really close to you. We really should have got to know each other sooner, eh?"

"Nyuh," I said, which was basically all I could say under the circumstances. He took it as a yes, laughed and kissed me on the cheek. (!!!!!!!!!) "I'll see you around, Keira," he said, and went inside.

Yessssssssssssssssssssss!

**Sunday 10th June**  
**14:50  
Common room**

Yasmin and Mandy have bought me a really big birthday present for Wednesday. I can tell. It's in a massive great bag in the dormitory. I'm not allowed to go near it. I hope it's not what they did last year. I got this massive great box and when I opened it there was another box inside. It went on for about six boxes and my gargantuan present turned out to be a pair of tights.

I can't help but notice Terry sitting with his arm around Lisa, chatting to Michael. I got really annoyed with Louise earlier. Her comment was, "They make a handsome couple, don't they?"

"I suppose," I said, begrudgingly. She's right, of course. Lisa's irritatingly pretty, with her slinky blonde hair and big brown eyes. And Terry's not bad himself. Glancing at him now, his hair's a bit ruffled. It suits him. It's quite sexy. But no, no matter how good-looking he is, he is still a bastard.

He turned and caught my eye. It's hard to tell who looked away quicker, me or him.

Anyway, back to Louise. She carried on, "They are. It's nice that Terry's finally realised that it isn't going to happen with you, isn't it? You must be quite relieved."

"Hmmm," I said. Not wanting to raise suspicion that I'm _not_ relieved (because I am) I added, "I am. Very."

"I'm sorry about stuff I've said before, Kee," said Louise. "It wasn't nice of me to go on at you about Terry. It's pretty obvious to me now that you don't fancy him. I think it's nice he's getting over it, though. And Lisa really likes him, I heard her talking to Padma about it last week."

"Yes. It's nice," I lied.

"Oh, by the way, what's this I hear about you and Justin Finch-Fletchley?"

I sat bolt upright.

"What have you heard?" I asked.

"Well I've heard rumours that he fancies you," said Louise, smiling at me. "And I know you went to Hogsmeade with him. Is there any truth in that, d'you think? Is there anything you haven't told me?"

Justin Finch-Fletchley may fancy me?

Double yessssssssssssssssssssss!


	15. Oops, I stepped in your breakfast

**Sunday 11th June**  
**7:25  
Common room  
In an incensed rage**

I hate bloody everything.

Woke up to find that Elodie had left her cereal on the floor next to my bed while she took a shower so I ended up with my foot dripping wet and covered in cornflakes. Fanbloodytastic.

You know, she's done some irritating things in her time but she's never let me stand in her breakfast. I'm thinking she put it there on purpose to get revenge on me for snaring her boyfriend.

The door to the bathroom opened and I started to say, "Look, Elodie, I've just…" when I realised that the blonde I was talking to was not, in fact Elodie, but Lisa. She had her hair up in a towel but other than that looked as impeccable as usual.

"Oh, hi, Keira!" she said, brightly. "I was just washing my hair. My mum sent me this new shampoo; it's forest fruits flavoured apparently. It actually smells really nice. Feel free to borrow it sometime."

Lisa, like me, is a Muggle-Born; however Lisa, unlike me, has nice normal parents who send her things like groovy-smelling shampoo. My parents don't send me stuff because they're scared of owls. That's why they wouldn't buy me one so I have to use one of the crappy school owls. They did buy me a cat but it turned out that it was actually feral so I don't bring it to school with me. Mum and dad still keep her. They claim she's "cute". Personally I think she's a minion of the Anti-Christ, but that's just my opinion.

"Mmmm," I said, non-committally.

"What do you want for your birthday, by the way?" asked Lisa, removing the towel from her head and getting out her hairbrush. "I'm going into Hogsmeade again today with Padma and I thought I'd get some shopping in."

"Oh…eh…nothing in particular. You really don't have to get me anything," I said, panicked, grabbing Lisa's towel and using it to wipe the milk and cornflakes off of my foot. "And anyway, you don't want to miss the match. It's on today, you know."

"But I want to," said Lisa, earnestly, now drying her hair with a hot air charm. "You don't turn seventeen every day, after all. And I'll be back in time for the match; it's at one so I've got about three shopping hours before I have to be back. Your birthday's on Wednesday, isn't it?"

"Yes," I said, pulling my socks on now my foot was dry.

"Great," she said. "You must be really looking forward to it. You'll be of age, won't you? You'll be able to do magic out of school and that. I'm not seventeen until August," she said, grimacing. "It's such a drag. It means that I'll have to wait until the middle of the summer holidays before I can actually do magic out of school. But it's worth the wait, I guess. What do you think?"

"Umm…I agree."

"That's good," said Lisa, who was now combing out her hair again and fluffing it up, pouting in the mirror. "Bugger my hair, it's just won't go right. It's gone all fluffy. I can't stand my hair," she added, swishing it around as she turned to face me. "You're so lucky, Keira, you've got lovely, manageable hair. I really envy you."

Humph. No matter how nice Lisa is to me, it will not make me think that she has irritatingly nice, swishy hair. I personally think she's pretending to hate her hair so that she seems like a nicer person.

"Well, can't stop, I'm meeting Padma. She'll kill me if I'm late," said Lisa, swinging a bag over her shoulder in the sophisticated way that only the select few can achieve. "I'll try and get you something really great, Keira."

Ooh, she is a bitch.

**10:40  
Common room**

Ooh, joy of joys. A letter from Leila, my lovely sister.

_Dear Keira,  
I remembered last week that you had a birthday coming up and ordered you a present straight away, of course. As soon as it gets to me I'll have Athena bring it to you, but I'm afraid it has not reached me yet as the catalogue I ordered it from is rather slow. I hope it will be worth the wait, however!  
I'm well, although poor Randolph has been struck down with a nasty cold for over a week now. I am worried that little India may catch it, but hopefully if they are kept in separate rooms it should be ok. I've got a strict policy on until Randolph gets better that he should not go near Indy, so I doubt there will be any problems.  
I hope your exams are going well. Just remember to pull your finger out. I slacked off during mine and I ended up getting an E in my Divination NEWT. It was really irritating because if I had concentrated I would have got all Os and it's held me back in the careers slightly. So if you want to get all Os then you have to work extremely hard!  
I hope it's all going ok with your friends. Stay friends with that Jasmine girl, she's extremely good for you. And don't worry about not making the Quidditch team; most Muggle-Borns don't make it anyway. Most of us aren't natural flyers; I was quite rare in that I managed to make the Quidditch team. So don't feel you have to get on it just because I did.  
All the best,  
You loving sister Leila_

See, this is why I don't like Leila. She writes the most boring letters in the world, and you can just tell that she's trying to make me feel like a failure compared so herself. She _knows_ she's the favourite and insists on rubbing it in my face.

Yasmin said I was overreacting but she only thinks that because Leila said that she was good for me. She then said I was being stupid and that Leila was only trying to advise me on my direction in life and she only mentioned her successes in a contextual matter as evidence to back up her points. I then pointed out that I hate flying and have never tried out for the Quidditch team in my life so why did she mention that she was one of the few Muggle-Borns to make the team? That shut Yasmin up.

Huh. Why does she even think I want to know about Randolph having a cold? I don't give a damn about her husband, even if he is my brother in law and also just happens to be Britain's answer to Brad Pitt. That's another thing I hate about Leila; how she managed to secure herself a God-on-Earth type husband. I know it's really creepy to be attracted to your brother in law but he seriously is gorgeous. How Leila managed to persuade him to marry her, let alone father her insufferably ugly baby daughter, is beyond me.

Anyway, I'm not _attracted to_ Randolph. I can just appreciate the fact that he's man-pretty. Anyway, he's far too old for me. And he obviously has crap taste in girls anyway. He evidently prefers the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, prim and prissy type.

**11:00**

Louise is on a big Dean Thomas high. She basically is every time she sees him. To be fair to her, I don't think she's a rebound any more. Well, if she is she's lasting a very long time as rebounds go. But I still think his public kissing displays are a bit dodgy, especially as Louise usually lets slip something about Ginny Weasley being nearby.

Mandy is off getting ready for the match. She's on a boy-related high, too, but a Harry Potter high. She won't shut up, even when Yasmin pretended to fall asleep on Lou's shoulder. I love Mandy but thank God she's gone. I'm getting really pissed off with her constant Harry Potter talk. For a smart girl she has really crap taste.

"Kee," said Yasmin, interrupting my train of thought, "you haven't spoken to Terry much recently, have you?"

"Uh…no, not really," I said, with due sense of dread. "Why? Should I have done?"

"Well no, not really," shrugged Yasmin. "It's just that I was talking to Michael and he said that I should tell you that Terry is really quite pissed off with you at the moment."

I'm not surprised, to be honest. I didn't say that, though, I said, "Oh. Well, you know what he's like, all moody and weird. He's probably just annoyed that I don't fancy him back."

"Mmmm," said Yasmin. "Well, he doesn't seem to mind that much because from what I hear he and Lisa are definitely an item now. I was listening to her talking to Padma and by the sound of it she really likes him. So that means you can't just pick him up and snog him on whim any more, ok? Because Lisa is a nice person and she's finally managed to get herself a decent boyfriend who she really likes after she's been treated like dirt by some of those bastards she's had before. You remember Luke Stebbins?"

"Uh…vaguely. She's had a lot of bastards. Which one was he?"

"The one who drove her to a nervous wreck and then ditched her for her sister."

"Oh, that one. I thought he was the one who had a mini harem going on behind her back."

"No, that was Tom Jenkins."

"Oh. Well, she has had _a lot_ of bastards so can forgive me for not remembering which one's which."

"Yes, she _has_ had a lot of bastards," said Yasmin, pointedly. "Which is why you should leave Terry alone from now on. Lisa is a lovely person who deserves someone who won't muck her around after all the crap she's been through and Terry's a nice guy who she really likes who will give her the respect she deserves. So no snogging him from now on, understood?"

"Yes!" I said, indignantly. "What makes you think I would snog him? I am not remotely interested in Terry Boot! If you ask me he and Lisa make a really good couple and I want them to stay together!"

Big lies. I don't think Terry and Lisa make a good couple, in fact I think Lisa would go better with someone like Michael Corner or someone else. I don't think she has enough intellectual capacity to satisfy Terry somehow. Not that Lisa is thick. Lisa's brainy enough. She's in Ravenclaw, after all. I just don't think she's all that in the brain department.

**14:30**

On my way to the match I bumped into Justin. He looked pleased to see me.

"Hi, Keira," he said, smiling at me. "What's up?"

"Not much," I said. "You going to the game?"

"Nah," he said. "I have a ton of homework and I thought I'd take advantage of the library being quiet. And as Hufflepuff's not playing I figured it wasn't too important. Ravenclaw's dead set to win anyway; half the Gryffindor team's down. I suppose you're going to the match?"

"…No," I lied. "I was actually going to the library too. I've got an essay to finish." As it happens I do have an essay to finish, but it's not in until Thursday. Still, I may as well put some effort into it for once, and I knew I had some parchment in my bag. "I find Quidditch terribly boring. And anyway, you're right; Ravenclaw _is_ dead set to win."

"Well, we could help each other," he said. "What's your essay on?"

"Ancient Runes," I said. "I have to compare and contrast Runes from about six different eras, most of which I can't remember the names of. But I'll be able to find a book on it in the library, Professor Decifrare mentioned a textbook that had all the answers in."

"Great," said Justin. "I guess it's just you and me, then."

So we went off to the library and…did homework. Well, amongst other things. It was only us and some second year I didn't know in the library.

"So, you got a boyfriend at the moment, Kee?" asked Justin, pouring over his book.

I had to catch myself quickly before a massive dopey smile spread all over my face. Not because of the forward question concerning my love life, although that was cool too. But because he called me _Kee_. He's never called me Kee before; it's always Keira. Only my good mates call me Kee. I know he used it in a casual sense, like he couldn't be bothered to say my whole name. But it was weird to me. Like he was...well, like he was my _friend_. That felt good, thinking of Justin as a friend.

I suddenly remembered he'd asked me a question.

"Oh…uh, no, no I haven't," I said, blushing a bit. "I'm sure I told you that before!"

"Yeah, you probably did," said Justin. "Sorry. I just thought you must have, seeing as you're so pretty."

I actually thought my head was going to explode with redness at this point. I got a quick smile from Justin, who didn't seem to mind that I had gone the colour of Harry Potter's Quidditch robes, before he went back to writing something. I managed to splutter out, "Th-thanks."

A long time of me being red later, Justin closed his book and I realised I had actually done a relatively good essay. He's a good influence on me work-wise. I think we're meant to be.

"That's great," he said. "I've finished. And it only took me about an hour. Hey, I'm going up to visit Susan in the Hospital Wing; she's had a…eh…incident with a gang of fifth years. D'you want to come? You know Susan quite well, don't you?"

"Mmmm," I said, nodding as I didn't seem to be capable of much else.

"Great," he said.

He chatted away as we headed for the Hospital Wing. He mentioned Hogsmeade, which jogged my memory that I was meant to tell Mandy to meet Stephen at seven in the library yesterday. Shit. No wonder he was giving me horrible looks this morning. Well, I'll just tell him that I told her but she didn't buy it.

By the time I'd realised where I was Justin was pushing open the door of the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey didn't look overly pleased that we were here.

"Two of you?" she said, eyebrows raised. "Well the norm is to have one visitor, especially under current circumstances."

"Current circumstances? What circumstances?"

"Never you mind what circumstances."

It went on like that for a bit until she finally deigned to let us in. Susan waved at us. She didn't seem to mind that I was there. She didn't look surprised either. Maybe she's heard rumours…

"Hello," she said. I noticed she had one ear and a radish in the place of the other, but I didn't mention it. "How've you two been?"

"Great," said Justin. I muttered something positive sounding. "What about you? Are you feeling any better?"

"Well I can't walk yet," said Susan, "but my teeth have all grown back and the bruising is all gone. I should be out by next week, and Hannah's bought me plenty of homework to do so I'm not bored. And anyway," she said, lowering her voice so Madam Pomfrey couldn't hear, "something quite interesting happened a few nights ago. Professor Snape came in with Draco Malfoy, and he was absolutely covered in blood. I couldn't see much but I could tell that he was completely blood-soaked. Snape sounded really worried, and Madam Pomfrey's put screens up all around his bed. He's been unconscious ever since he came in apart from a few periods. I heard he was attacked in a bathroom by a maniac!"

"Wow," said Justin, peering interestedly at the only screened-off bed. "I wonder what happened to him really."

"Go and look," said Susan, glancing around for Madam Pomfrey. "Pomfrey's in her office. She'll never know, she's been moaning about a load of paperwork she's got all day. She won't notice."

"No!" said Justin. "I'm not doing that! What if she caught me?"

"Oh come on, wuss, where's your sense of adventure?" said Susan. "I'd go but I can't walk. Five Jelly-Legs Jinxes at a time play havoc with your mobility. Go _on_, Justin!"

"I'll go," said my mouth. My brain had had no say in the matter.

"Really?" said Susan, smiling at me. "Cool. See, Justin, Kara has some bottle."

"Uh…Keira," I said.

"Sorry?"

"I didn't say anything," I lied. Well, I was in it now. I couldn't back down, or Susan and Justin would think I was a liar _and_ a coward. "Well, I'm going to go and look."

Susan and Justin made encouraging noises and I darted off towards the screened-off bed, presumably hiding Malfoy. To my immense relief there was a gap in the screens around the back that was definitely large enough to slip through. Madam Pomfrey may have been busy but she would almost definitely have noticed me moving one of the screens around. I slipped through, and sure enough Draco Malfoy was lying there, completely out of it, and covered in cuts.

Not normal cuts, though. Really deep, slashy cuts. It looked like someone had been ripping at him with a knife. I was reminded of a horror film I once saw, except this was real. But who would attack a guy with a knife in the wizarding world when there are so many more efficient spells?

I'm quite squeamish. The sight of Draco Malfoy, who I will admit that I don't like much, in this kind of state was…well, gross. I don't like the guy but I didn't want him to be attacked, especially like that. They'll leave scars, those slashes will. He'll probably be permanently disfigured. And by the look of it they'd healed slightly already, so they must have been inches deep when he first got them.

I backed out of the screens and dashed back to Justin and Susan, who were keeping a watchful eye on Madam Pomfrey's office. They gave me the thumbs up as I returned.

"It's ok, she hasn't looked up," said Justin. "So what did you see?"

"He's…covered in slashes," I said, weakly. "Really deep cuts."

"That explains all the blood," said Susan, matter-of-factly, as Justin winced. "I suspected he must have had _some_ kind of cuts or he wouldn't have been bleeding."

"It looked like he'd been knifed," I said, feeling sick.

"I doubt it," said Susan. "There are plenty of far better ways to hurt someone that using a knife, I should think. Just a good job it's not Slytherin playing the match today, isn't it?"

Justin then noticed I was looking pale and suggested that the match would be over and maybe I should get a drink of water? I duly did, but not before he'd kissed me on the cheek again (I nearly fainted at this point) and said, "Well, I'll see you soon, hopefully. _Arrivederci_."

He said _arrivederci_ to me. Squee!

I don't actually know what that means, but hey. It sounded quite Spanish to me.

I almost skipped back to the common room and stared around, looking for Mandy. She would tell me how the match went. I saw her in the usual corner with Lou, Yaz, Anthony, Padma and Terry. I went over.

"I have returned!" I said, in mock magnificence. Then I spotted that Mandy was in floods of tears. "Oh. The match went that well, huh?"

Mandy said something totally incomprehensible through sobs, so I turned to Anthony.

"We went down four hundred and fifty to one hundred and forty," he said, miserably. He hadn't changed out of his robes yet, and he looked thoroughly depressed. "And they still beat us even though half their team was screwed."

I winced.

"And that's not the worst of it!" wailed Mandy. "The worst part is that Harry Potter didn't even _play_!"

I am probably going to hell for this, but I had to fight really hard to stop myself smiling. Poor, infatuated Mandy.

"Yeah, I heard Snape gave him detention until the end of term," said Louise. "I heard he used Crucio on someone."

"I doubt it," said Yasmin. "He'd be in a lot more trouble than detention if he had. Remember, people can go to Azkaban for life if they use an Unforgivable on another person. Where were you, by the way, Kee? We missed you."

"Oh, I bumped into Justin Finch-Fletchley," I said, off-handedly. "We got talking and we went to visit Susan in the Hospital Wing." I didn't want to mention Malfoy. It'd start more gossip. And that meant me being endlessly questioned. No thanks.

To my horror, they all wondered off somewhere, leaving me standing there with Terry.

There was a long, awkward silence, and then we both said, "Look," at the same time.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh...you go first."

"Ok," I said, bracing myself and not looking at him. "I'm really sorry about having a go at you and insulting you and being mean to you and stuff. I don't really dislike you. I was just a bit…annoyed at that point. I like you really."

Not much, but an oral masterpiece under the circumstances.

"Oh," said Terry. "Cool. Because I was going to apologise for being a git. It isn't any of my business what you do or…who you do," he added. I frowned at him, but he does make me laugh a bit.

"I was hardly _doing_ someone," I pointed out.

"Whatever," he said, shrugging. "Anyway, the point is that I like you too. You're a mate. And I don't want things to get awkward between us again just because I used to have a crush on you. Ok?"

"Ok," I said. "It's a deal. No more awkwardness."

I almost stuck my hand out so we could shake on it, but Lisa appeared out of nowhere so I had to pretend like I was scratching my head. She grabbed onto Terry's arm, kissed him on the cheek (I felt a bit weird at this point. I don't know why) and smiled at me.

"Oh, hi, Keira!" she said, brightly. "Enjoy the game?"

"Uh…yeah, but…y'know," I said, pretending I was disappointed. It was easier than explaining. "We lost. It's all a bit…well, crap, really."

"Mmmm," said Lisa, nodding sympathetically. "I know. I think it was a fluke, personally. We were the rightful winners; our team can beat Gryffindor any day, even with all their best players."

Feeling that I was going to end up seeing something I didn't want to, I nodded, said, "Yeah, I'll see you around," and headed off in the direction of Louise, who was sitting on her own.

"Hey Lou," I said. "You alright?"

"Yeah," she said. She didn't sound very enthusiastic.

"You see the game?" I asked.

"Umm…no," she said, looking at the floor.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, me and Dean sort of…went off together if you catch my drift," she said, looking at me pointedly.

"Drift caught," I said, not wanting the details. Bad, bad images. "You did use the potion, right?"

"Oh yes," said Louise. "It's all good. There's no way I'll be getting pregnant. Thanks for the help with the ingredients, by the way, you've probably saved my school career."

"Why are you so down, then?" I enquired.

"Well," said Louise, looking really awkward, "it…wasn't all that great. It was all bumpy and weird and…I didn't _feel_ anything, if you know what I mean. And now I can't really look at him properly any more. And he…he…"

She started to sob quietly. I put my arm around her.

"Calm down, Lou," I said. "If he's going to ditch you then we're all going to beat him up."

"No, it's not that," said Louise. "It's just that…well, he didn't seem to think I was…eh…_very good_."

"Oh," I said, a bit taken aback. "He said that?"

"Well no, and he didn't seem to mind much, but still, he kind of implied it," said Louise. "And also, that means that he must have had someone before me, doesn't it, so he can judge if I'm good or bad."

"Aww, Lou, it doesn't mean that," I said, comfortingly. "You can judge if you enjoy something even if you haven't done it before. And anyway, I'm sure no one's good on their first time."

Lou, however, was inconsolable. She had taken it completely to heart that her first time having sex wasn't incredible and romantic. Poor girl. And she's worried that she won't be able to look at Dean any more now she's seen him, well, _naked_. This is why I'm glad that I'm not mega horny like the rest of my year seem to be. It causes nothing but trouble.


	16. Sickening Seventeen

**Monday 12th June**  
**12:15  
Arithmancy**

In two days I will be seventeen years old.

Do you know what that means?

It means I will be officially an adult.

Ok, not in the Muggle world. I have to wait until next year if I'm going to be an adult in the Muggle world. But in the wizarding world, which is the one I think I prefer, I will be an adult in two days.

TWO DAYS.

That means I can do magic out of school. It means people will take me seriously. It means I can get a job. And it means I will get some bloody good presents this year as opposed to the crappy lot I got last year.

Mandy is in the foulest mood I have ever seen her in. It turns out that Harry Potter is going out with…Ginny Weasley. I know! I always figured it was Hermione Granger that he had a thing about, but no, he's gone for Ginny. Well, she's certainly the prettier of the two. And probably the most easy-going. Michael went out with her last year and he had good reports for her. I don't really know her all that well. I know she's a really good Chaser and is Ron Weasley's sister and that she's Michael's ex but apart from that I am clueless.

Anyway, I can't say I'm too bothered about Harry Potter's dating habits. When I told Mandy this, she just snarled, "Well I'm not surprised _you'd_ say that, Keira! We all know _you're_ only interested in Terry Boot dating Lisa Turpin!"

That is so blatantly not true. I am not even remotely interested in Terry and Lisa going out. It is boring. I don't give a damn who either of them date. It is not my business.

**13:10  
Courtyard**

Justin came up to me at the end of Arithmancy.

"Hey, Keira," he said, smiling at me. Yasmin raised her eyebrows at me. I smiled knowingly at her. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thanks," I said, with unusual confidence and a charming smile. "Do you want something?"

"As a matter of fact I do," he said. "Will you meet me Wednesday lunchtime? I want to give you your birthday present in person. And also I've got something to tell you."

"Really?" I said, interestedly.

"Really," he said. "So, in the Entrance Hall at one?"

"It's a…date."

After he'd left, Yasmin gave me a half amused, half calculating look.

"You sly whatsit," she said, sounding quite impressed. "All this time I thought you were madly in love with Terry Boot and it turns out that you really like Justin Finch-Fletchley."

I smiled serenely. Nothing was going to get me down now. And no, I wasn't going to bother denying it now it seemed almost set in stone that he fancied me too. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work out that he's going to ask me out on Wednesday. Oh my god, seventeen is shaping up to be the best birthday ever for me!

Yasmin ruined it slightly by saying, "You realise that if Elodie finds out that you've stolen her boyfriend she's going to come after you and…and…?"

"Shoot me dead?" I said. I was actually quite worried about that. Maybe I should tell Justin that we should keep our relationship a secret so Elodie doesn't get too hurt. He still thinks I'm her friend, after ll.

"Shoot you?" asked Yasmin, sounding puzzled. "How would that work?"

Damn wizards.

**Tuesday 13th June  
18:00  
Common room**

It's all around the school that Padma has been brutally dumped by Blaise Zabini. It's also come to my attention that he's been slagging her off behind her back. I believe he called her a "filthy half-blood", although it may have just been a rumour about that one.

Still, he's being incredibly mean about it. Padma's pretending not to care but I know she really liked him. She's sitting with Lisa and Anthony (why Anthony? Hmm, maybe she's the one he fancies) and ranting for England. I went to join them for a second.

"Hey," I said. "What's wrong, Padma?"

"That prat Zabini has been spreading stupid rumours about me!" said Padma. I've never seen her angry before but let me tell you, it's not pretty. "Ugh! What on earth possessed me to go out with that complete sod? He's not even that good-looking!"

"What's he been saying?" I asked Anthony over Padma's ranting.

"He's been saying that they've been sleeping together, and on top of that – pardon the pun – he's been saying that she's terrible…y'know, _in bed_," he said, biting his lip. "He's been a complete git, basically. Also various other discriminatory remarks about Padma having a Muggle father."

"BASTARD!" Padma interjected.

"What an arsehole!" I said.

"Quite," said Anthony.

"At least Padma's now open to finding someone more _worthy_ to go out with," said Lisa, looking at Anthony pointedly. Anthony went a bit red. Evidently I was right in thinking that Anthony likes Padma.

Then Terry appeared, doing his usual out-of-nowhere trick and making me do my usual jumping-out-my-skin trick.

"Hey," he said, kissing Lisa on the cheek. She turned around and kissed him full on the mouth. For some reason I felt like pulling Lisa's hair out and force-feeding her it, but I refrained and just looked politely at the floor. I felt like a real gooseberry. Terry and Lisa dating and snogging each other's faces off. (Well, not in front of me, but I bet they were.) Anthony and Padma obviously had a lot of sexual tension there. So I made my excuses.

"Well, I'd better…uh…well, I should go," I said, smiling awkwardly. "Good luck with the…finding a new boyfriend or whatever, Padma," I added, lamely. Padma didn't hear me, though. Probably a good thing, seeing as I was talking total crap.

Hastily skedaddled off back to Yasmin and Mandy (Louise had gone off with Dean again, presumably to have another try in bed). Mandy was looking at me with a kind of smug grin.

"For about a year I thought you were planning on being Mrs Keira Boot and it turns out you were trying to be Mrs Keira Finch-Fletchley!" said Mandy. "Well that's one way of hiding your affection, I suppose!"

"Not quite Mrs," I said, defensively. "I'm not planning weddings yet."

"Yet."

"Not at all!" I said, crossly. "Look, I just happen to think that Justin may return my feelings. That's all. He may not. He may be asking if he can copy my Runes homework."

"I doubt it," scoffed Yasmin. "He's going to tell you something _big_, Kee. I don't think that homework falls under the category of big. I think he's either going to tell you he loves you, he's going to kill you, he's gay or he's you're long-lost brother or father."

"He's only a few months older than me!" I said, disgusted. "That's quite sick."

Yasmin rolled her eyes.

"Oh shut up, Kee, you know what I mean. Don't be irritating. The fact is, tomorrow you are going to turn seventeen. We are going to give you mucho de presents. And then Justin Finch-Fletchley, who just happens to be incredibly gorgeous, is going to ask you out and you can dance off into the sunset with him."

Yeep!

**Wednesday 14th June  
My birthday  
8:10  
Common room**

Yay! I'm seventeen! I am officially an of-age witch. I am an adult in the wizarding world. I can do magic out of school. (Although I probably won't be able to do it at home as the Ministry still prohibit magic in Muggle areas, which means I will _still_ have to wash up by hand when I go home, worse luck.) It feels good to know that I'm an adult.

I was dithering over presents when Yasmin, Lou, Mandy, Padma, Morag and Lisa (Elodie was in the shower) treated me to their loud and not very well harmonised chorus of happy birthday.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…"

"This is really unnecessary, seriously."

"…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…"

"Look, seriously, I'm trying to decide whether to open these now or later. I really don't need your singing, lovely as it is."

"…HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KEIRA…"

"Guys!!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Thank God. Look, help me! I'm all dithery and undecided." (Here Mandy rather meanly butted in with, "No change there then.") "I don't know whether to open my presents now or after lessons in the evening. Help me decide!"

"There are people debating over whether we should invade a dictatorship in the Middle East with the stability of the country hanging in the balance at we are debating over when to open some birthday presents," said Padma. She didn't sound cross, though. Well, no crosser than usual. She's been snappy ever since yesterday. She even snarled at Morag when she gave her the Chocolate Frog card she'd wanted for ages as a thoughtful gift. She has Blaise Zabini withdrawal, according to Lisa. The blonde deviant. Lisa, that is, not Blaise, that is, although Blaise could also be described as a deviant. Just not a blonde one, as he has very dark hair.

I'm rambling again.

In the end we decided that I open half now and half later. Somehow the really massive one from Yasmin, Mandy and Lou (cheapskates, giving me a joint present) found its way into the "open now" pile.

I pulled the paper off. It was a big box. A cardboard box. One that had obviously come from something else. I glared at them.

"It's not that big, is it?" I said.

Yasmin grinned.

"We wanted it to look impressive even before you got it open," she said. "Go on, open the box. It's still a good present; it's just not all that big."

I dubiously opened the box. At first I thought it was a blue cloak but it turned out to be a set of dress robes. Really nice ones, too, made of a silky light blue material. They must have cost a fortune, which was why the present was from three people I supposed. I held them up to the light so everyone could see. Padma and Lisa made various exclamations of appreciation and Louise smiled smugly.

"I chose them," she said. "Blue's your colour. Do you like them?"

"Of course," I said, holding them up against myself and preening in the mirror. I could tell that when I put them on I would probably look _good_. Really good. They were lovely. They reminded me of the robes that Hermione Granger wore to the Yule Ball back in fourth year, although I could probably never look as pretty as she did back then.

Wow. I never thought I'd be wishing I looked like Hermione Granger.

She _did_ look really nice at the Yule Ball, though.

I picked one up. It was a small, rectangular shaped one.

"That one's from me!" said Lisa, brightly, and my heart plummeted into my shoes. I am a bitch. I've been saying all this horrible stuff about Lisa and she's bought me a birthday present. I'm just jealous of her because she's prettier than me. There's actually nothing bad in her. She's been nothing but nice to me and now I feel guilty as Hell.

Still. I don't like her, especially when she added, "Terry mentioned that he had something for you. I'll get it off him in Defence Against the Dark Arts for you, Keira."

"Thanks," I said, trying to be as grateful as possible. "That's really nice of you, Lisa. Thank you."

I opened the present. It was a bracelet. Not a diamond-encrusted really expensive one, God no. I would have probably died of guilt if she'd bought me something like that. It was just a little pink one. It was cute, though. My thanks were genuine.

I got various other boring things. It turned out that the thing that Leila had sent me was _another_ book. She thinks I have no life other than reading books. Just because she had her nose in a book all through her school life it doesn't mean that I have. Mum and dad sent me a few things along with a note saying that most of my presents are at home. I usually get them about three months late. They have a habit of buying me videos and CDs, which are all very well for home use but I can't use them at school. They thought they were solving this last year when they bought me this really snazzy personal CD player. I didn't have the heart to tell them that electronics don't work at Hogwarts so I wouldn't be able to use it. It's in my trunk, now underneath the CDs they've sent me. Great. More Muggle stuff I want to use yet can't.

"What's this?" said Mandy, ripping the plastic off my new Blur album and opening the case. "Wow…uh…what's the point? It's a round thing with a hole in the middle."

"It's a compact disk, you fool," said Yasmin, taking it and examining it. "We did those in Muggle Studies last year. You put them into a Compact Disk Player and they play music."

"You can't get music on that, that's a piece of metal!" scoffed Mandy.

"It's actually aluminium, with a transparent plastic coating," said Yasmin, putting the CD back in its case. I was quite relieved. I want that CD and I was worried Mandy would snap it.

"How do you know more about this than me?" I asked, peevishly. "I'm the one that grew up in a Muggle household. I didn't know that CDs were made of aluminium."

Yasmin is too smart.

Still.

She buys nice presents.

**9:20**  
**Transfiguration**  
**Passing notes**

_Kee, you're seeing Justin in three hours and forty minutes. You will soon be being asked out by a guy who you really like. You could have done something with your hair. Yaz_

Shut up, Yasmin.

_I'm not actually speaking, technically, I'm writing, so I can't shut up really._

You know what I mean. And anyway, what's wrong with my hair.

_It's just a bit…bland. That's all. How long have you fancied Justin for, by the way?_

Like a year. And how can hair be bland? My hair is fine, thank you.

_Well, why don't you do it up or something? It's your birthday. You want to look nice. It just does nothing for your face when it just hangs there like that. Tie it up. You looked nice when you did that bun thing with it._

That was for the Yule Ball, Yasmin. That was a formal occasion so a formal hairstyle was only appropriate. And I thought I looked like an idiot. I looked more like Wilma Flintstone than Audrey Hepburn.

_You realise I don't know who either of those people are._

Well Wilma Flintstone is the one I don't want to look like.

_Well you're your own worst critic; I've told you this._

Yes. Please don't.

_It's meant to make you feel better about yourself, you know._

How?

_Well it means that other people see you differently to how you see you. You're always going on about how awful you are when other people see you how you actually are. You're actually quite nice, Keira. I know I go on at you and stuff, but I do like you. And Justin evidently does too, because he's going to confess his love._

I'm really excited!

_Not surprised._

Seriously, I'm mega excited.

_I can tell. Calm down, woman, you look positively manic._

Leave me alone, I'm mentally preparing.

_Go and do your hair at break._

Oh piss off.

**10:35**  
**Break**  
**Courtyard**

I am so nervy I'm practically jumping up and down. I let Yasmin fix my hair in the end. It looked like my head had exploded so Louise took over and I actually look quite nice now. I just hope Justin doesn't think I made too much of an effort and that I am desperate.

I am desperate.

But he doesn't need to know it.

**11:00  
Potions**

Eeep. Only two hours.

**11:30**

Huh. Professor Slughorn is so irritating. Why does he have to be so…interfering? Just because my potion was a little bit on the tarmac-like side it doesn't mean it's wrong. And it's none of his business whether I'm doing my potion right or not. He's only the teacher; he's not the Supreme Overlord of my life. Anyway, he only likes Harry Potter and his superior potion-making skills. Obviously the fact that I am anticipated with love has escaped him. I am not bad at Potions, I am just in love.

**11:40**

You would have thought the change in hairstyle would have pointed him in the direction that there are things more important than Potions on my mind at the moment, but no. He is, after all, a man. And a teacher.

**13:20  
By the lake  
In a state of shock**

Nearly steam-rollered Yasmin on my way out of Potions. I needed to get to the Entrance Hall as fast as I could. To be fair to Yasmin, she took it well, just raised an eyebrow.

Terry didn't take it quite as well though. I ran straight into him. He's bloody strong.

"Sorry," he said, looking down at me. When he realise who I was he looked quite amused. "Bit keen to leave, aren't you, Keira? Where are you rushing off to with your hair all different?"

He noticed! Wow. Hopefully Justin would also notice the hair. But hopefully he wouldn't make the connection between "different hair" and "trying too hard to impress me".

"Just meeting someone," I said, airily.

"Who?" asked Michael, who was, as always, there too.

"No one you'd be interested in," I said.

"One of your many boys, no doubt," said Michael, giving Terry an evil look which was countered with a much more evil one. "Well, we mustn't keep you from your super-important super-busy love life with our boring talk. Bye."

"Happy birthday, by the way," said Terry.

I felt quite pleased, actually. Terry had remembered my birthday. I wouldn't have expected him to. Maybe Lisa mentioned it to him in between time attached to his mouth.

I wandered off, less quickly and more composed. However as soon as I got around the corner and knew they were out of sight I started running again, pausing only briefly to glance at my compact. I was Queen of Being Very Red. Great. I slowed down a bit after that. I should carry a bottle of water around like Yasmin.

I finally got to the Entrance Hall. Thank God Justin was there. I didn't want to seem keen as well as very red. He smiled at me (I felt the customary weak knees) and said, "Hi."

I managed to say, "Hi," back, blushing furiously. Although I blush so much around Justin he probably thinks that my natural face colour is bright red and won't be able to tell.

"Happy birthday," he said, reaching into his bag and getting out a little box. It was purple with a little ribbon. Really cute. I accepted it in what I hope were gracious but not over grateful tones.

"Open it now," he said, eagerly. "I want to know what you think."

I opened it.

I was expecting something romantic and sweet, like a little bracelet or a necklace. (No, not a ring, I'm not quite that bad.) Just something thoughtful and pretty. But in the box, looking oddly out of place, was a pair of what looked like shears.

"They're broomstick tail trimmers," said Justin, happily. "Really good ones, too. I know they work because I have a pair myself. I thought you'd like them."

I grinned at him, hoping I didn't look as disappointed as I felt.

"Wow…I…don't know what to say, Justin, this is such a thoughtful present," I said, smiling. It was thoughtful; I wasn't lying. It's just not the sort of thoughts I wanted.

"I'm glad you like them," said Justin, looking relieved. "I was really worried about what to get you."

"Well, they're great!" I lied, looking all happy. It seemed to work, because he looked happy too.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he said. "Around the lake, or something, I mean. Because I'd like to talk to you about something and I don't think here's the right environment."

Trying to stop myself from dancing with joy, I agreed and we left. Quite a few people looked at us leaving, actually. I suppose when you see people like Justin with people like me it's hard not to stare.

We walked past the first years mucking around and the snogging couples and gossiping fourth years until we got to a weird log thing. I recognised it as the one Justin was sitting on when he asked me to come to Hogsmeade with him. He obviously uses it as a talking area. He sat on it, and gestured that I should come and sit next to him. As I sat down I couldn't help but wander if I was sitting where Elodie had once sat. Maybe he'd asked her out here. Or maybe he'd _dumped_ her here.

"Keira...lately you and I have become quite good friends and I've begun to feel really close to you. I know we haven't known each other that long but I don't think that really matters. You're great at listening and you're a really caring and empathetic person. I'd…I'd like to tell you something."

"Yes, Justin?" I said, trying to be as composed as possible, but inside I was going, "Oh my God! Oh my God oh my God oh my God! He's going to tell me he likes me back, he's going to tell me he likes me back! Oh my God!"

"Keira..."

"Yes?"

"I'm gay."

"I love you too! Hang on..."

"God, it's so great to finally be out of the closet!" said Justin, as if in some kind of euphoria. "It's just such a _relief_, you know, Keira? What was that you said? Didn't quite catch that."

"Uh...I'm pleased for you!"

He's _gay_? How can he be _gay_? I don't have anything against gays; the few I've met are just like other normal, pleasant people. I am not in the least bit homophobic. But Justin CAN'T BE GAY. HE CAN'T. NOT WHEN I WENT TO ALL THAT TROUBLE TO SPLIT ELODIE AND HIM UP.

Turns out that when a guy gets over a two-year girlfriend, he goes on the turn.

Marvellous. Thank you God.

"I...uh...I'm really thrilled for you," I lied, faking delight. "I hope you'll be really happy."

"God, this is such a relief," said Justin. "I just had to tell someone, and I wanted you to be the first to know. Well, second technically. The first to know is my…well, my boyfriend."

"Umm...who is your boyfriend?" I asked, pretending to be interested whilst secretly forming a plot to kill whoever this person was. "D'you think there's that possibility that you could be bisexual...?"

"Seamus Finnigan."

"Sorry?"

"Y'know, the Irish guy in Gryffindor."

"Oh yes. Him."

Shame he has to die now; I always thought he was cute.

"It was all a bit of a rush, really," said Justin. "I think Seamus knew before I did. We were talking the other day and we just…ended up…well, kissing. And then I realised and he said he'd already realised and maybe I'd like to go on a date with him sometime. And I thought, why not? And I've discovered that I really like him. He's such a great guy."

"Mmmm," I said, sourly. Thinking I should add to my fake delight to try and deter him from the fact that I was feeling murderous, I added, "It's so great that you've found each other. I'm really happy for you."

"I'm so glad you understand, Keira," said Justin, and he gave me a kind of hug. "It's so nice that people know now! You know, I thought I should keep it on the low at first but I feel like I should tell everyone. I want people know!"

He seemed genuinely delighted that he was gay. Well, I knew there had to be a reason why he was so gorgeous. Those looks are the kind of looks that only gay men are blessed with.

"It's so nice of you to listen to me," said Justin. "I can tell we're going to be great friends, Keira. I'm sorry, I have to go, I said I'd meet Seamus. It was fantastic talking to you."

And he kissed me on the cheek and left.

I can't believe this.

My fantastic birthday has gone fantastically wrong.

**17:30**  
**Common room**

Yasmin, Lou and Mandy were all eager to know the gossip. They could all tell it hadn't all gone according to plan when I stomped over in a terrible mood.

"What happened?" asked Louise. "Did he not turn up?"

"Oh, he turned up," I said, bitterly. "But you know that list of things you said he was going to tell me, Yasmin? He didn't ask me out. Or declare love. Or anything relatively romantic towards me."

"Oh my god, he isn't your brother is he?" said Yasmin, looking alarmed.

"No!" I said, crossly. "He's gay."

Mandy burst out laughing.

"That's bitter fate for you!" she said, not sounding at all sympathetic.

"Shut up, Mandy," said Yasmin, putting her arm around me. "Ah, poor Kee. But still, you can't do anything about it so you may as well just move on from him. He's a bit of a drip anyway. And it's your birthday."

"Sod birthday," I said.

"You've got a load of pressies still to open," Louise reminded me.

"That's true," I said, perking up a little. I didn't look it, but I was excited about the presents. "Shall I go and get them so we can open them down here together?"

"Yeah," said Yaz. "We'll make you remember how good it is to not be in love with a boy."

I got up and headed in the direction of the staircase, but I was stopped by Terry.

"Hey," he said, handing me a little package. "Happy birthday…you ok? You look like the picture of misery. What happened?"

"Nothing," I said, trying to get away from him. "Thanks, by the way."

"Seriously, what happened?" asked Terry. He looked genuinely concerned. There's something about him that always breaks me. Probably his eyes. "You can tell me, I swear."

I glanced over at Yasmin, Louise and Mandy. They were talking amongst each other, probably discussing whether they'd predicted Justin's closet exit. I succumbed.

"Fine," I said. "I went to see Justin today and I thought he was going to ask me out, but he gave me a stupid pair of broomstick clippers and told me he was gay. That's why I'm pissed off."

Terry looked extremely surprised.

"Wow," he said. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I," I said. No, don't cry, don't cry.

"Are you ok?" said Terry.

"No!" I said, and my voice broke. Bugger.

Terry steered me into the area just below the staircase. We were hidden by a bit of the wall so that no one could see me crying. I felt really grateful for that, but, as I reminded myself, it was probably for his benefit as well as mine. I didn't know how his girlfriend would take it if she saw us.

"There's no cure for this one, I'm afraid," he said, and he gave me a proper boy hug. He felt really strong and sturdy and warm and…well, nice. "You're just going to have to grin and bear it. You'll get over him in the end, don't worry. You just need to grit your teeth and get on with life."

"It's hard!" I said, sounding like a spoilt child.

"I know," he said. "It's going to hurt like Hell. It always does when you like someone and they don't like you back." I felt a pang of guilt here. "But you will get over it eventually, trust me." He pulled away, and smiled at me. I have to say he has a nice smile. "Now go and get your presents and go all girly with your mates. You'll probably feel happier for it."

"Thanks, Terry," I said. "You always cheer me up."

He laughed.

"It's a pleasure," he said. "You're a great person, Keira, you just need to realise it."

It was only when I finally got up to the dormitory that I realised something that I should have realised about a year ago. Something I'd been too dense to realise. Something that I really wish I had realised about a month ago. Because realising it now is bloody horrible.

I fancy Terry Boot.

I think I might _love_ Terry Boot.

And Terry Boot is going out with Lisa Turpin and does not fancy me any more.

He sees me as a mate.

Hell's Bells and Satan's Thong.

This is the worst birthday _ever_.


	17. Sulks, Splits and Schemes

**A/N **I am SOOOO sorry about the lack of updating. Life has been catching up with me, and I hit a nasty patch of writer's block halfway through this chapter. I will try and be quicker with the next update!

---

**Thursday 15****th**** June  
****10:15  
Ancient Runes**

I cannot _believe_ I did not realise this before. Why couldn't I have figured out that I like Terry when he liked me too? Why? Would that have been too much to ask after my lousy life? No, it would not be too much to ask for. But apparently I do not deserve compensation and maybe a little bit of good luck. No. I deserve to fancy a guy who turns out to be gay and then suddenly realise that I actually love this other guy who up until about a week ago liked me too. Then he found himself a stupid blonde girlfriend and doesn't fancy me any more.

And then I discover that I, in fact, love him.

Bugger.

Buggering bollocking bollocks.

This is just horrible, this really is. I was so much better off before I liked Terry. I could talk to him, no sweat. I was fine. But now? I'm staring at him and then going bright red if he looks at me. I can't talk to him any more. If I see him with stupid Lisa then I end up going all moody and snappy and I can't concentrate and I end up being all mean to people who don't deserve it.

Suddenly had a horrible realisation: I'm acting exactly how Anthony and Michael described how Terry was acting back when he actually liked me. Oh my god, I'm the lovelorn grouch.

Oh nooooooooo.

**12:05  
Arithmancy**

I need to speak to someone normal about this. Here are my options.

**Yasmin:** Yasmin and I share nearly everything. (Officially.) She is very clever and a good observer of people in general. She will be able to offer me practical advice about what to do. On the other hand, she is completely unsympathetic and is likely to gloat about my blindness and sudden going back on my word vis-à-vis not liking Terry. She will also go on and on about how he is Lisa's boyfriend now and how Lisa deserves him more than me and how I had my chance and blew it. Also she will ask what else I haven't been telling her.

**Louise:** Louise would be ideal for this situation if it wasn't for Dean sodding Thomas. She's so hooked on him lately I doubt she'd notice if I announced that I had eloped with Professor Firenze and was carrying his half-centaur babies. I think I should be the one giving her advice, to be honest, she's handling this whole thing terribly.

**Mandy:** No chance. Like a cross between Yasmin and Louise. All the gloating and lack of sympathy of Yasmin and none of the intelligence, while none of Louise's sympathy and all of the lack of concentration. No thanks.

**Justin:** Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

**Padma:** No chance. She's got a reputation for dating prats and could probably give me no decent advice if I did ask her, which I don't intend to do anyway because she is Lisa's friend and she will tell Lisa that I fancy her boyfriend. And then Lisa would either kill me or tell Terry. Or maybe she would tell Terry and then kill me.

**Michael:** He would tell Terry. Although I might be able to get a good answer out of him because he knows Terry and knows what kind of girls Terry likes. But then he would gloat.

**Anthony:** Ditto.

**Hannah:** I don't know her well enough, although she'd probably be really sympathetic because she is just that kind of person. I don't know if she's got any experience of boys, though, so maybe she wouldn't be good at the whole advice thing.

**Kevin:** Fat chance.

**Stephen:** He is creepy and strange and stalking Mandy. No. Just no. Don't know why I thought of him, anyway. He wouldn't listen even if I did go to him. And Mandy would kill me if I spoke to him because she and he still have their unresolved sexual tensions. Sorry, mutual hostility that has no underlying romantic feelings whatsoever. (Cough.)

**Elodie:** I barely talk to her anyway, nowadays. I get the feeling that she heard the rumours about me and Justin (that turned out to be false, but what the Hell) and now hates me. I'm expecting to be murdered in my bed any day now.

**Morag:** Doesn't listen to me much. She'd probably tell me to pull myself together and concentrate on more important things than boys. She doesn't care about boys.

**Lisa:** Oh yeah, that would be a jolly conversation. "Hey, Lisa, your boyfriend had a massive thing about me until a while ago and now I think I'm in love with him. Do break it off so I can ask him out, will you?"

So that's basically everyone who I know well enough to talk to. So basically if I want to talk to anyone I'm going to have to endure a lot of gloating and/or a risk of Terry being told. Hurrah.

Well, there is a simple cure for this. I must not talk to Terry.

**14:05**  
**Herbology**

Well that lasted for about ten seconds. I forgot that we're still doing stupid project work in Herbology and I just happen to be in a group with Terry. Oh Hell, why does he have to be so bloody good-looking?

"You alright, Matthews?" he said, cheerfully as we went in. My heart-rate doubled, but I managed to keep my cool. Surprising, really. Probably because I've known Terry really well for so long that I don't go into a stupor with him like I did with everyone else I've ever fancied. Or maybe it's just because I like him more than I liked Justin, so I feel more comfortable.

"I'm fine," I lied. "What about you?"

"I'm cool," he said. "Not looking forward to spending time in the presence of our good friend Nott, but the pleasure of your company will get me through until Potions." He winked at me. I nearly had a fit at this point.

However, instead of having a fit and/or throwing myself upon him and begging him to ravish me senseless (eh…maybe not) I just raised my eyebrows in what I hope was an amused way and said, "What are you so cheerful about today? Usually it's 'Keep out of my way, Matthews, you bitch, I hate you and I'm going to make you suffer for me being in a bad mood by shouting at you until you are in just as bad a mood as me.'"

"I'm just feeling happy today," he said, grinning all over his face. My heart sank. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. "I was with Lisa earlier and we had a real laugh."

"Mmmm," I said, the euphoria of being in his presence being torn into pieces by Lisa and the fact that she obviously makes him very happy. "Sounds like fun. She's funny."

"Yeah," said Terry. "You always need someone funny. So, by the way, how's it going with the ongoing search for a boyfriend? Any luck?"

"I'm not after a boyfriend," I said, serenely. "I don't need to validate my existence through the existence of somebody else. And as the guy I like is not available, I am currently single. And I'm fine."

Terry raised an eyebrow.

"Since when have you been a feminist, Keira?" he said, sounding quite amused.

"Since always!" I said, hoping I sounded hurt and offended.

Terry laughed.

"Whatever you say," he said. "Well, if you change your mind I know that Kevin still thinks you're the _crème de la crème_ and I think he'd probably willingly sign up to be your lifelong slave."

"Kevin?" I said, nose wrinkling. "Do you really think that's the best I can do?"

"Do you not like Kevin, then?" asked Terry as we all piled into the greenhouse.

"Well, not _dis_like him, but he's…kinda weird," I said, lamely.

"Who's weird?" said Hannah, dumping her stuff on the desk and joining us.

"Jeremy Beadle," I said, without thinking. I don't know what inspired me to say it; it was just the first name that came into my head. Terry gave me a startled look and Hannah laughed.

"He is, isn't he?" she said. "My mum's his biggest fan. We can't understand it. We all hope that one day someone's going to lose it and club him to death with his own microphone. But down to business, eh?"

**14:43**

I hate working with Terry but in some ways I really enjoy it. It means I get to spend time with him. Problem is, every time my hand brushes his or he looks directly into my eyes I can feel myself blushing and have to have a violent coughing fit to disguise it. And he keeps making throw-away remarks about Lisa, like when I said that the leaves on the Flutterby bush were a really nice golden colour he goes, "Yeah, they are, aren't they? They kind of remind me of Lisa's hair."

Stupid sodding Lisa. I hope she gets killed in a freak broomstick accident. How dare she go out with Terry Boot and get him to not fancy me any more? How dare she?

Argh. I hate her.

I know I shouldn't hate her because she is a lovely person and she's been nothing but sweet to me. And all she did was like a guy and go out with him. Not a big deal.

But I still hate her. I hate her.

I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Common room  
17:15**

Was sitting happily planning ways of getting Terry to realise that Lisa is in fact a stupid bimbo with a really annoying laugh and that I am much more suited to him when Elodie marched up to me.

"Hi-ii!" she said, looking hideously happy. Maybe she heard that I'd been rejected by Justin and had decided that I was worth her speaking to again. "How _are_ you, KeeKee? Listen," she went on, not even pausing for breath for me to reply, "This massive great barn owl just dropped a letter on my bed. I didn't see your name on the envelope until after I'd opened it, but don't worry too much, I didn't read very much of it. I think it's from your mother. So glad we've got that sorted out! Byeee!"

At this point she dropped the letter into my lap and pranced off. She moves like a sodding ballerina, I swear. How does she manage to stay so odiously chipper all the time?

I looked down at the letter. It was indeed from my mum. Good old mum, she thinks that if she writes about twice a year she's doing her duty as a parent. I actually get more letters from Leila than I do from mum. Which is depressing, I can tell you. But she's absolutely terrified of birds so I suppose I can let her off. (A bit.)

I had to read it twice to make sure that I had read it right.

_My dear Keira,  
I hope this letter finds you well. Leila allowed me to borrow her owl to send it to you because, as you know, we don't have one. It took me a long time to get Leila's letter off of its leg. I'm severely scratched.  
Sadly I am not writing to you with good news, quite bad news in fact.  
Your father and I have decided that it's time we parted ways. Don't blame yourself, Keira, it's nothing to do with you or Leila. We just had one too many rows and realised that actually we aren't in love any more. We've already separated and the divorce is being settled. It should be a relatively friendly affair as there is unlikely to be a custody battle seeing as you are at boarding school and you only have another year until you're eighteen. Please tell us who you'd like to stay with over the holidays so we can arrange to work around that.  
I'm sorry I had to tell you this way, Keira, but they don't have any blasted phones in that school of yours so I really had no option.  
Please don't blame yourself. It is by no means your fault.  
Reply ASAP.  
Your thoughtful and considerate  
Mum  
xxxxxxx_

Oh fantastic. Just what I bloody well need right now. Not only am I doomed to remain in unrequited love for the rest of eternity, but now my parents are getting divorced.

They say that when one area of your life starts to go right, another area comes crashing down around your ears. Well, that's bollocks. When one area of _my_ life comes crashing down around my ears, the rest of it all follows suit. Falling for Terry followed by my parents deciding, out of the blue, to split up. Next week I can guarantee Louise is going to get pregnant, Yasmin and Mandy are going to decide they hate me and I'm going to get nothing but Ds for the rest of the school year and fail all my NEWTs.

I guess going to boarding school cuts you out of your home life, but when I was at home over the holidays there didn't seem to be any problems with my parents. Maybe they were just putting on a brave face so I didn't get upset, or maybe this has all happened since after Christmas. I haven't seen them since December, after all; I couldn't go home for Easter. Or maybe it turns out one of my parents has run off with someone else and my mum doesn't want to tell me because she thinks it might ruin our relationship or something. (I could actually understand if it was that. I know I'll be bloody pissed off if one of them has gone off with someone.)

Oh shit, I'm crying.

**17:45**

I actually properly love Yasmin right now.

Ok, not proper want-to-spend-my-life-with-and-carry-their-babies love. But I absolutely love her, in a strictly friends only way with no funny business involved whatsoever.

She saw me sitting here desperately trying to hide the fact that I was crying and headed straight over, even though she seemed to be having quite an interesting conversation with Kevin. (Hmmm.)

"Kee, what's up?" she said, looking concerned. I couldn't help but notice that she was wearing contacts instead of glasses today. Which is a bit odd, seeing as she says that contact lenses are too much of a hassle and she puts convenience over appearance every time. "And don't say nothing, because it's obviously not nothing. If you don't want to tell me, just say it out; don't lie about there being nothing."

I actually managed to understand her, but I wouldn't have said nothing anyway. I shoved my letter at her. She scanned it, read the Paragraph of Doom twice, bit her lip and handed it back to me.

"I really don't know how to react to that," she said. "I'm so sorry, Kee."

"It's ok," I sniffed. "I don't know how to react to it either."

"But…I feel so sorry for you!" said Yasmin, earnestly, slipping into my chair next to me and putting her arm around me. "To be told that just out of the blue, and in such a short, informal letter! I mean, this is hardly breaking the news gently. This is just _tactless_. If my parents did this to me, I'd be crying too, Kee."

"I hate them," I said, instantly making myself go from of-age witch to snivelling three-year-old.

"No you don't," said Yasmin, gently, giving me a hug. I realised that this was probably the first hug I've had from her in ages, and probably the first hug I've had in ages that hasn't been from a boy. "You know you don't. You're just angry and upset, and you have a right to be. If this was me, I'd be furious. But you'll get over it, Kee, you're strong. I'm not going to pretend this'll all be fine, because it probably won't, but it won't affect you as much as you think it will. You're seventeen. You'll be leaving home next year and getting a job. So you won't have to put up with it for long."

"I guess you're right," I said. "But…I never thought they'd get divorced. I never saw this coming."

"Does anyone ever?" said Yasmin. "Sometimes the most unlikely couples split up. And you haven't seen them since Christmas, and that was only for two weeks. You can't get the measure of someone's marital status from that."

"They're my sodding parents!" I said. "I should bloody well be able to tell if they hate each other or love each other!"

"That's rubbish," said Yasmin. "You're not expected to be able to tell, and most people can't tell anyway. You don't know the ins-and-outs anyway."

She gave me another hug. She's such a lovely person. I sometimes forget why I'm friends with her, but right now she is my favourite person in the world.

I almost went the whole way and told her about the whole Terry fandango.

Almost.

I couldn't do it. I really couldn't. Because I know what she'd say. She wasn't going to tell me to go for Terry just because my parents had just got divorced. She'd just say it more gently. And then when I've got over this she'll just be snarky and I-told-you-so and self-righteous and basically…

Basically she will be Yasmin.

And I could never stand that.

**Friday 16****th**** June  
****16:30  
Library**

Bugger, I have a Care of Magical Creatures project. Again. Right now I want to stick a bayonet through Professor Hagrid's forehead.

Not that I don't enjoy his lessons, because I do. It's just that I like the subject, not necessarily him. Actually no, that's not true. He himself is nice. You can't help but like him. But as a teacher he's a bit crap. I get the feeling that if he could control us properly he'd be a lot better though. When we had that Grubbly-Plank woman I learnt a lot more. I wish she'd stayed.

We're doing Fwoopers at the moment. I'm a bit worried he'll do what he did with the Crups and assign us them as pets for a month. I don't like Fwoopers. I'm not over-keen on birds in general, to be honest, but Fwoopers are menacing-looking. The one I was feeding today looked like a pink vulture. I can tell it didn't like me. I read somewhere that Fwooper song can drive people insane. I think it was in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_. Something about Uric the Oddball sitting in a room full of them. Although Yasmin doesn't like people mentioning him very much as it turns out her mother is directly in his descendant line.

Gah. Michael has decided to turn up. I'll never get any work done now.

"Wotcher, Matthews," he said, breezily. To my horror he pulled out the seat opposite me and sat down. "What're you doing?"

"Homework," I said, holding up my very short essay in front of his face. My handwriting is pathetically large and my essay is pathetically short. It's depressing.

"You look like you've been working hard," he said, with a raised eyebrow. (How come everyone can do that except me?)

"I've been here for about ten minutes," I pointed out. "I had to go and get my books. And I haven't got into it properly yet anyway."

"So glad I dropped Care of Magical Creatures," said, Michael, sitting back and giving me an infuriating smile. "Far too much hassle. And the wind this time of year really messes my hair up. And yours, by the look of it."

"Gee, thanks."

"Pleasure. Try getting it cut a bit shorter. And layer it; it would really flatter your face more. Think Courtney Cox crossed with Posh Spice. You know who that is, right?"

"Yeah, although I'm a tad worried that you also know who that is, considering she's in a band for ten-year-old girls."

"Sometimes I get a bit irritated talking to people who have no clue about the Muggle world," said Michael, tactfully avoiding the ten-year-old girls bit. "My mum is getting worried that I'll forget all about the Muggle world."

"My parents don't care," I said. "They're too busy being proud of my sister and getting divorced."

"I didn't know your parents were divorced."

"They're not," I said, bitterly. "They're going to be, though. I got a letter yesterday."

"Ouch," said Michael. "Sorry."

"Not your fault. So did you just come here to talk about my haircut and my parents' marital status, or did you want something else?"

"Not particularly," he said. "I actually came in here looking for Anthony, who's buggered off somewhere. You seen him?"

"Sorry. Try anywhere that Padma might be."

"Padma…? Oh, I remember, he has a Prefect thing!" said Michael, slapping his forehead. "Bugger. Well, looks like it's you and me, Matthews."

"Why can't you go and find Terry?" I asked, irritably. "I really need to get this done; I can tell Snape is going to set a ton of Defence Against the Dark Arts next week. He's been hinting at it for ages."

"What, and play gooseberry of the year with him and Lisa?" said Michael, wrinkling his nose. "No thanks."

"Oh," I said. I hate Lisa. I added, nonchalantly, "So he's really into her, then?"

Michael gave me a Look.

"If you're getting competitive, Matthews," he said, and I had to work really hard to stop myself from going red, "then I'll happily aid you in your quest to out Lisa and replace her as Terry's girlfriend."

"I'm not getting competitive!" I lied.

I'm evidently a bad liar, because I could tell Michael was finding it really hard not to laugh. "Well then I think, to respect Terry's privacy, I shouldn't tell you. Especially as it has to meaning to you anyway, as you don't care."

He wants me to cave. He wants me to tell him that I like Terry.

I will never tell him.

**17:15**

Ok, I told him.

But I made him swear that he won't tell Terry. If he does he has to do all my homework for the rest of the year. Including all the subjects that I have taken and he hasn't.

Actually, to be fair to the guy, he has said he will help me. Although he said that he wasn't going to be mean to Lisa.

"I like her," he said. "She's nice. She deserves to be happy, so we're not going to spread rumours about her or do anything like that. I think we need to spur Lisa into dumping Terry and not the other way around. Because I know for a fact that Terry still likes you, so once Lisa has ditched him then he'll almost definitely say yes if you ask him out, ok?"

"Uh…ok," I said. "How do you know?"

"Keira, he's nuts about you," said Michael impatiently. "I'm pretty sure that he's going out with Lisa to try and get over you. I think he thinks that if he spends enough time with her then he'll learn to like her and forget about you. Not that that's going to happen; that kind of thing never works. But trust me; he still likes you just as much as he used to."

Ooh, how bloody annoying. That means the only thing that's stopping us from being together is stupid bloody Lisa. But Michael's right, I know he's right. As much as I hate her, I know she deserves to be happy.

"My suggestion is trying to play matchmaker," said Michael. "We find Lisa someone else. Shouldn't be hard; she's an attractive girl."

"Don't remind me," I said, moodily. "I know that any sane guy would prefer her to me."

"Oh shut up," said Michael. "Terry likes you, is that not enough? Would you honestly like to have loads of guys wanting to get into your knickers?"

"Well, not wanting to get into my knickers," I said, blushing foolishly as I do when someone mentions sex. It's quite bad, really, but I can't help it. "Just…maybe…thinking I'm attractive?"

"Keira, when boys find you attractive they want to get into your knickers," said Michael, bluntly. "It's part of the deal. Occasionally you get the odd guy who doesn't just want sex, like how Terry feels about you. I'm not saying he doesn't want it," he said, giving me a warning look. "But that's not all he wants. And he won't pressure you, I know him. Believe it or not, he is actually a nice guy. There are some out there."

"Ummm…"

"Great, so we're all good. I'll talk with you tomorrow about potential people to match Lisa up with. You ok with that?"

"Yeah, alright."

"Great. See you around; I have to go."

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Bye."

And he just left.

Just like that.

Still, I do like him. He's a proper boy friend who I can talk to properly without having to worry about what I look like or whether I'm saying something ridiculous.

And I only find him a little bit attractive.

**Potential Candidates for Lisa to Date**

**1)** **Michael** They would be very cute together, what with him being very good-looking and her being so pretty. But he's in on the plan so it might not work so well.  
**2) Anthony** Although he fancies Padma so I doubt that would happen.  
**3) Adam** He's the sort she usually goes for. He ticks all the boxes: fantastically good-looking, on the Quidditch team, tall, popular, and a complete bastard to boot. Lisa always dates that kind of guy.  
**4) Kevin Entwhistle** It would be like in films when the gorgeous It girl dates the geeky loner boy, boosting his reputation and undergoing a necessary self-realisation in the process.  
**5) Wayne Hopkins** He's definitely tall enough for her and they were Potions partners in the second year.  
**6) Su Li **I don't think he's had a girlfriend who isn't blonde, and Lisa is as blonde as it gets.  
**7) Jonathan Bradley** Every Quidditch Captain needs a beautiful girlfriend. It's just kosher.  
**8) Ron Weasley** I swear I saw her eyeing him up in Defence Against the Dark Arts the other day.  
**9) Draco Malfoy** Their children would be spectacularly blonde. But then if she doesn't like Blaise Zabini (which I know she doesn't) the chances of her liking Draco Malfoy are slim.  
**10) Harry Potter** Well, you never know. He might break up with Ginny Weasley. I can just picture Lisa loving being a famous person's girlfriend. Not that she's a gold-digger or anything. (To my knowledge.)

_I think we'll leave the candidate-picking side of this to me, Matthews._

Piss off, Michael.


	18. Matchmaker, Matchmaker

**Saturday 17****th**** June  
****13:30  
Under a tree by the lake**

Hmm. Still haven't spoken to Michael. I hope he hasn't tricked me into thinking that he's with me and has gone and told Terry that I like him. And he and Terry can have a good laugh.

I know it's not good for me to think in that way. I know I'm not a trusting person and I should be. But come on, it's Michael. He's Terry's best friend. What motive does he have for helping me?

**14:15**

Speak of the Devil and he shall appear?

Yeah, that's bollocks.

**14:45**

Louise appeared looking all weird and teary. She always looks upset these days. Dean Thomas has had an extremely negative effect on her. I may have to get her to dump him.

"Hey, Kee," she said, sitting down next to me. "You all alone too?"

"On my own, not _alone_ as such," I said. "I just wanted to catch up on some homework and I couldn't concentrate in the common room. Why are you on your own?"

"I don't know!" said Louise, forlornly. "I'm a good person. I don't deserve to be alone and yet I am."

Oh God, here we go.

"You're not alone, Lou," I said, tiredly.

"I am!"

"You aren't," I said. "What about me? What about us, your friends? What about Dean?"

"Oh, _he'd_ rather spend time with that complete bimbo Lavender Brown and her stupid friend…whatshername…Padma's twin than with me!" she said, her voice rising. I noticed she pulled a fistful of grass out of the ground.

"Lavender Brown's not a bimbo," I pointed out, fairly. "She's actually quite nice. And I'm sure Dean isn't attracted to her at all. They're probably just good friends. They are in the same house."

"Oh yeah, just good friends," snapped Louise. "I suppose Padma and Anthony are just good friends as well, then. And I guess you think Terry and Lisa are just good friends as well, even though the last time I saw them they had their tongues down each other's throats."

I tried not to wince.

"So don't try and pull the 'just good friends' cliché on me!" said Louise, sounding almost hysterical at this point. "For God's sake, I know when someone's bloody attracted to someone else! _She's_ probably not bad in bed like I am. I bet he's going to go off with her and have threesome sex with Padma's sister and they'll all live happily ever after and he'll never look at me again!"

I reached for the chocolate bar that I knew was in my bag. I needed sugar right then, so Louise would have needed it far more. But when I split it in half and offered her some, she waved it away impatiently.

"No," she said. "No thanks. I'm trying to lose a bit of weight."

Why she's trying to lose weight I don't know; she's thin already. Now that I think about it, she's easily the thinnest in our dormitory.

"It's those school jumpers," I said. "They're so baggy they'd make anyone look like the side of a house. And that shirt doesn't really help. Find some more flattering clothes, Lou."

"Oh what do you know about style?" snarled Louise. "Don't try and tell me what to wear; you look like you've stepped out of a 'Before and After' piece! And not the 'After' section, either!"

That was mean. I know Lou's all hormonal and upset, but that was genuinely malicious.

"If you're going to be a cow then leave me alone," I said, resentfully. "I don't like talking to people who are so insecure they try and make me feel bad about myself just so they can get an ego-boost."

"Who are you calling insecure?" spat Louise. "You're the one who gets wound up about every bloody little thing. You're the one who's completely obsessed with Terry Boot and won't open her bloody eyes to anything. You're the one who's only had one proper boyfriend in her entire life, and he didn't even _like_ you!"

"Sod off, ok? Just sod off!" I shouted. "Why do you have to be such a bloody bitch? I did nothing but try to help you and you've thrown it all back in my face. Just piss off and leave me alone! I hope Dean Thomas _is_ bloody cheating on you! I wouldn't blame him if he did! I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you already!"

"You're just jealous," retorted Louise.

"Jealous of _what_, exactly?"

"Jealous of me and Dean!"

"Jealous?" I scoffed. "Of you and Dean? Jealous of a few dates and a couple of terrible shags with a guy who's obviously only using you to try and get over his ex-girlfriend? Why would I be jealous of that?"

"You are such a COW!" Louise yelled, her voice going practically ultrasonic. However she evidently couldn't come up with a decent comeback so she stomped off, leaving me to shout, "I hope you get bloody pregnant!" after her.

**18:20  
Common room**

Louise is sitting with Lisa and Padma. She occasionally throws me dirty looks. Well I wish Lisa and Padma luck. They'll need it, having to put up with Louise's outbreaks of hormonal bitchiness. I told Yasmin and Mandy about the incident and luckily they think that I was in the right for once. They've advised me to leave Louise alone because talking to her will probably make it worse as we both need some time to cool off a bit. Although as I told them, I wouldn't want to talk to her anyway.

"I wonder if Dean _is_ going off with Lavender Brown, though," said Yasmin, thoughtfully. "Which one is she again?"

"She's the dark blonde one in Gryffindor," said Mandy, Knower of All People and part-time Gossip. "Friends with Parvati Patil. She broke up with Ron Weasley about two months ago. She sits near us in Runes."

"Oh her," said Yasmin. "Oh yeah, I remember her. A bit weird-looking? Kind of like a mouse?"

"No, that's Sally-Anne Perks," said Mandy. "Lavender's hair is lighter and she wears glasses for reading."

"Uh…"

Knowing that that could take a while (names are not Yasmin's strong point) I took a quick look around the room and caught Michael's eye. He nodded at me and gave me a "come here" look. I tried to gesture at Terry and Anthony without them noticing, and consequently looked like I was having a hand spasm.

He rolled his eyes and got up.

"Hey," he said, as he came over to us. "Keira, you're in my Defence Against the Dark Arts class, right?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Could you give me a hand with that homework about the Patronus Charm? Coz I'm getting a bit stuck on it and you mentioned that you'd finished it."

"I've done it," said Mandy, giving him her big-eyed look. She's always had a bit of a thing about Michael. She says his hair is sexy. It is, actually. No, brain, no, we aren't going through all this stuff again. "I'll go and get it, if you like. Saves Keira some time."

"Ah…"

Michael gave me a panicked look.

"It's ok, Mandy," I said, quickly. "Michael said he'd give me a hand with my Arithmancy too, so we're even. Shall we go?" I said, pointedly.

We left quickly. Yasmin and Mandy probably think we're going to be getting off behind the greenhouses or something. Which we definitely won't be. More's the pity. Oh shut up, brain.

"Thought of anyone for The Plan yet?" I asked. (The Plan, I feel, requires capital letters.)

"A few," said Michael. "Just thought I'd run them past you."

"Hit me."

"Ok, first up Stephen."

"Stephen? Stephen Cornfoot?"

"Yep."

"Are you kidding?"

"No…should I be?"

"Yes!"

"Why? Stephen's ok."

"No, he is not. He's _weird_. And he's obsessed with Mandy. They have scary amounts of sexual tension. He's just weird. Why would Lisa want to go out with him?"

"Because he's good-looking?"

I gave him what I hope was an appropriately scathing look and said, "You don't know what girls like, do you?"

"They like me," said Michael, doing his flirt face.

"Oh sod off," I said, giving him a friendly shove. "Ok, next person."

"Sam Roper."

"He's the tall dark guy in Hufflepuff, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Nice guy. Quite bright, actually. Very good at Transfiguration. I think Lisa would like him. I know they're friends anyway. _And_ he just split up with his girlfriend."

"Eugh, not a good idea," I said. "Rebound. All it will do is ruin their friendship, and you wanted Lisa to be happy."

"True," said Michael. "And our third option."

There was a long silence.

"Third option?" I said, expectantly.

"You're not going to like it," he said, warily.

"Why wouldn't I like it?"

"You just won't," said Michael. "So do you want to know or not?"

"Just tell me," I said. "We don't have to use him."

"…Dean Thomas."

If we had had this conversation yesterday I would have said, "No way, you're out of your mind, he's going out with my best friend. I couldn't do that to her." However, due to earlier events, I was a lot more open to the idea.

"Explain," I said.

Michael was looking a little bit surprised that I hadn't instantly told him no, but he took it well, bless him. "Well, I thought that he's probably the most likely candidate because he and Lisa went to the Yule Ball together," he said.

"Uh…they didn't," I said.

"What? I swear they did."

"No," I said. "Lisa went with George Weasley. I can remember her telling us that he asked her and she was too scared to say no in case he put itching powder in her bed or something. _I_ actually went with Dean Thomas," I added, a bit sheepishly.

"Did you?" said Michael, grinning.

"Well, yeah," I said.

"Didn't know you liked him."

"I didn't really. I mean, I don't _not_ like him; he's a nice guy. But he asked me and I was so happy that someone had asked me that I just said yes without caring who had asked."

"So you would have said yes to _anyone_?" said Michael, with an evil look on his face.

"Not _anyone_," I said impatiently. "I wouldn't have said yes to Theodore Nott or Vincent Crabbe or someone like that. Who did _you_ go with?"

"Sarah Fawcett," said Michael, proudly. Stupid of me to forget, really. Sarah is in the seventh year and is extremely pretty. She's also friends with Cho Chang, tops most of her classes and is basically the kind of stereotypical "popular girl" you get in American teen films. Just another demonstration of Michael's incredible pulling-power. "Nice girl. I think I've caused a bit of a rift between her and Cho, though. I'm never going out with two best mates again. Not that Marietta Edgecombe's the ideal choice, mind you. Not since she had that outbreak of spots."

"How _did_ she actually get those?" I asked.

"I've heard rumours," said Michael, grimly. "The one _I_ believe involves Hermione Granger. But that's not the point. The point is that you have taken my main reason for pairing Dean Thomas up with Lisa away from me. If you hadn't said yes to him then he could have asked Lisa and then it would all be cool."

"Apart from the fact that Dean has a girlfriend," I pointed out.

"I thought that if you objected to his having a girlfriend you would have ruled him out by now," he said. "Seeing as Louise just happens to be one of your lesbian mates."

"Lesbian?"

"Yeah. You girls are very lesbian in your little ways."

"I am not a lesbian!"

"Shame."

"Ugh. Boys are weird."

"Yes, and therein lies our true beauty," said Michael. He's an arsehole but he does make me laugh. "Anyway, that's a bit mean of you, trying to get your mate's boyfriend to cheat on her so you can get a guy."

"The situation between Louise and I is less than friendly," I replied, with as much composure as I could.

"Oh," said Michael. "I was wondering. Well, anyway, we have a slight problem in that there is no one that we can try and match-make Lisa with."

We sat there humming and ha-ing for a while, when suddenly Michael said, "What about Su?"

I looked at him.

"I suggested Su and you told me not to be stupid."

"Yeah, but now that I think about it it's a good idea," he said. "I mean, Su's had his heart broken by Elodie. He's really cut up about it; he genuinely liked her. Apparently she was stringing him along no end, telling him that she'd break up with Justin for him and didn't in the end. He was really upset. And he and Lisa are pretty good mates."

"What about Alison?"

"Who?"

"Gryffindor. Redhead. A bit on the quiet side. Su's ex girlfriend. Quite a good friend of Lisa's."

"Oh her. She is _fit_, can I just say?"

"Michael. That is not the point. What makes you think I'd be interested in whether you think Alison Runcor is fit or not? I'm a girl. And not a lesbian," I said, quickly. "I don't really care."

"Jealous, are ya?" he said. I biffed him on the arm.

"Hardly," I said. "We've been through the jealousy, have we not? I thought we decided that I was jealous of Terry and his girlfriend. I can't be jealous of both of you."

"Of course you can," said Michael. "Promiscuous tart like you."

"!!!!!!"

"Come on, Keira, you've had a flourishing love life recently. You've snogged Terry, you dated Adam Chambers, you kissed Stephen Cornfoot…"

"Who the Hell told you that?"

"Terry," said Michael. "He was all raving about it. You should have heard it. 'I can't believe Keira would just randomly snog Stephen. She doesn't even like him. Why would she kiss someone she doesn't even like? Do you think there's something going on? Have you noticed something? Have you? Have you? Have you?'" He slapped his forehead. "Geez that was a stressful evening. I thought Anthony was going to sock him in the forehead."

I laughed.

"Bless."

"Don't say bless," he said, raising a warning finger at me. "Never say bless. Bless is an evil word made up by girls who want to pity you but instead laugh at your expense. It's not good. Anyway," he said, as I recoiled slightly, "Alison may be a minor problem, but I'm sure I can sort that out, although I may be forced to date her."

"You'll live, I'm sure," I said.

"Yes, so, I think they'd go pretty well, in all fairness," said Michael. "They're both intelligent, she's very attractive, and he's not bad. I guess. If you like that kind of thing."

"Well a few girls seem to."

"You're not one of them, then?"

"Don't make fun of me," I said, pushing him. "You know I'm not. I'm in love with your best mate."

"Whatever, Matthews," said Michael. Why does he call me Matthews? I call him Michael, not Corner. "So, do you think that Su Li and Lisa Turpin will make a nice little couple, or not?"

"I can't think of anyone better," I said, privately thinking that Michael would actually be a good candidate for the job. "Do they know each other very well, though?"

"I think so," said Michael. "And I know Su's had a bit of a rough time. Lisa's been messed around like God knows what. So yeah, I think they'd suit each other quite nicely."

"We're going for crap times as their thing to bond over then, are we?" I said, eyebrows raised.

"What's yours and Terry's thing to bond over, then?" said Michael. "Being obsessive? Driving your friends nuts?"

Now that I think of it, what _is_ our thing to bond over? Something that we can both share and talk about. Something that's happened to both of us that we can think of fondly and grow closer to one another over.

Can't think of anything.

**Sunday 18****th**** June  
****20:30  
Dormitory**

Still haven't thought of a thing.

I made the mistake of going for a quick walk at lunch to think things over. I have a certain route which I like to walk. It's a little passageway behind a tapestry of drunk knights. It's all quiet. Anyway, turns out I'm not the only one that knows about this. I pulled it back and heard someone male go, "Oww!" as the tapestry hit the back of his head.

I pulled it back to see a snogging couple.

But not an ordinary snogging couple, you understand.

"Oh, hi Keira!" said Justin, brightly, as both he and Seamus Finnigan treated me to broad smiles. Bloody Hell, two of the most desirable blokes in my year are smiling at me and they're both gay. Just my luck. "Long time no speak. How've you been lately?"

"Oh, fine," I lied, and then before I could stop myself, added, "I've only had an insane crush on someone who turned out that to be gay and then realised that I'm in love with a guy who just got himself a girlfriend and am now having to seek help from his best friend."

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Justin gave me a look.

"Who's the first guy?" he asked.

Seamus butted in at this point. God his accent is sexy. "Bloody Hell, Jus, you take a while to catch on, don't you? It was pretty obvious that it was you." He gave me a slightly apologetic look. "I noticed in Hogsmeade. If you don't mind me saying, it was kinda obvious to me."

"Well it wasn't to me!" said Justin, indignantly. "Why didn't you tell me, Keira?"

"What would have happened if I had told you?" I said, sceptically. "I would have lost you as a friend because you would have turned me down and it would have been awkward."

"True," said Justin. "Well, by the sound of it you're pretty much over it so it's all good. Still," he said, preening a little. "Did you really fancy me?"

"Yes," I said. Well, there was no point in hiding it any more. "A _lot_."

"I actually never guessed," said Justin.

"I did," said Seamus.

"Shut up, Shay, you know everything about everyone," said Justin. "You realised I was gay the second you saw me."

"I can tell. I knew Miles Bletchley was, too. And Sally-Anne Perks," said Seamus, proudly.

I gaped.

"Sally-Anne's a lesbian?"

"Oh yeah," said Seamus. "Don't tell anyone, mind; I don't know how many people she's told. She and M…some girl in the seventh have been meeting in secret for ages. She always talks to me about it. I think I'm persuading her to come out but she's being very stubborn. She thinks her parents would kill her. Sad, I know, but apparently they're really old fashioned."

"Well we can't all admit it from birth like you, Shay, can we?" said Justin, playfully. "Anyway, enough about being gay. You seem to have a slight problem _vis-à-vis_ the new guy in your life, Keira."

"Yes," I said. Well, there was no holding it back now. "He used to really fancy me but now he has a girlfriend and according to his friend he still likes me but I'm trying to split them up and…well, it's not going so fast."

"Uh…isn't it a bit mean trying to split this guy up from his girlfriend?" asked Seamus. "I mean, if you really love him then wouldn't you want him to be happy?"

This is true.

However, as we have already realised, I am not a good person.

I said this to him.

"This is Terry Boot, right?" said Justin. "Just a guess, but I see you two together _a lot_ and he seems to really like you."

"He used to before Lisa got in on the act," I said, crossly. "Now I'm stuck."

"Well by the sound of it you and some guy have a plan, so why's that too much of a problem?" said Justin, happily.

"Yes, well, I don't know if it's going to work," I said, grumpily. "We're trying to set Lisa up with someone else but so far it's not really working very well. Mainly because we can't agree on who to set her up with."

"I know Dean would comply," muttered Seamus. "He has some clingy possessive girlfriend who he can't stand the sight of. He's planning on dumping her this week. What's her name…? Louise."

Shit.

**Things that I really should do because they would make me a much better person but I know that I will never ever do them**

**1)** Get over Terry and let him be happy with Lisa.  
**2) **Write to mum and tell her that I think that she was being totally unfair in the way that she informed me of hers and dads divorce and also assertively tell her that I resent the way she's treated me inferiorly to Leila throughout my life.  
**3)** Tell Elodie that I can't stand her and that I am by no means her friend.  
**4) **Stop being attracted to every relatively ok-looking boy I see and find myself a nice, steady boyfriend.  
**5) **Actually start doing my homework.  
**6) **Kindly let down Kevin and tell him that I like him a lot but nothing is ever going to happen and casually suggest that he get over me and takes interest in a different girl.  
**7) **Confront Mandy about Stephen, tell her to pull herself together and just admit her feelings for him.  
**8) **Confront Stephen about Mandy, tell him to pull himself together and just admit his feelings for her.  
**9) **Stop breaking into Mandy's diary in the night for the sheer entertainment value of reading the flat accounts of her tedious, tedious life.  
**10) **Make up with Louise and warn her that her boyfriend is planning to dump her and persuade her to dump him first, thus saving her ego, even if she was harsh and bitchy to me.


	19. Notes and Neurotics

**Monday 19****th**** June****  
7:30  
Common room**

Smellodie woke me up today, which is why I'm downstairs at the crack of dawn.

She claims she didn't do it on purpose, but that's an obvious lie. Why would somebody sing Weird Sisters hits that loudly at half six in the morning unless they wanted to wake somebody up?

As usual in my life, I was the only one who woke up.

"Bleh?" I said, or something similar.

"Hi, KeeKee!" said Elodie, brightly. She's decided she's my friend again now she's realised that I didn't steal her boyfriend. (Well, not successfully.) "Oh, sorry, did I wake you?"

"Nnnnyeh."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Smellodie in that sickly sweet voice that said, "I'm not sorry at all; I did this on purpose to wake you up because I wanted to irritate you and I'm really glad that I succeeded."

Resisting the temptation to say "Would you like me to show you the way to Wonderland?" (she'd put a load of blue ribbon in her hair) I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. But once I'm awake I never get to sleep again, so I got up and got dressed.

My only company was, of course, Elodie, and to my absolute horror she wasn't intending to go down for an early breakfast and sat down next to me in the common room.

"So, Kee, how're things?" she asked, happily. Before I could answer, she said, "I'm really good at the moment; I've started a new diet plan and I can just _feel_ the pounds falling off me. You might like to try it, Kee, maybe work on your complexion while you're at it. I got this new cream; I'll tell you where to buy it. I'm meeting Blaise later; he's so gorgeous. I'm quite glad that he and Padma have broken up because it was obviously never going to last. He told me he really likes me, and he's _so_ rich. Oh hi, Terry! You're up early."

Simultaneously I felt surprise, horror and relief. Terry had appeared from down the boys' dormitory steps, hair unbrushed and tie undone. He looked quite surprised to see me and Elodie sitting there, and I can guarantee the look on my face was probably not one of joyful intrigue. More likely it was one of homicidal boredom.

"Oh, hi," he said. "I heard people talking. You two ok?"

"Oh, I'm great, thanks," said Elodie, not as brightly as usual. I couldn't be bothered to answer; I was too busy trying to look as not hideous as possibly under the circumstances. "You?"

"Alright," said Terry, looking amused now.

"Well, anyway, I think I should go now," said Elodie, checking her watch. Her timing is bloody fantastic. "I'll leave you two to it then. Remember what I told you, KeeKee! Byeee!"

Off she flounced, leaving me sitting there being very red and very irritated and Terry looking after her, slightly amused.

"Ooh, she doesn't like me," he said. He didn't sound upset. On the contrary, he sounded amused. "She still thinks it was me who told Justin she was cheating on him. The things I do for you, Keira," he added, heading for my chair. He sat down on the arm so he could look down on me. It took all my effort not to rest my head in his lap. "Why are you up so early anyway? And with Elodie of all people?"

"She woke me up," I said, darkly. "Singing."

Terry snorted.

"Singing?"

"Yes. Some Weird Sisters song. Dunno the name. Cut me open and leave me here to die. I'm bleeding inside because I love you so much. Stabby rippy stab stab. I forget."

"I'm getting the feeling you're not that into the Weird Sisters," said Terry, wryly. I love his voice when he's ironic, and his little smirks. I can't believe it used to irritate me.

"Hell no," I said. "They're songs are basically angst and angst, with a little bit of angst."

"Some are alright," he said. "Don't you remember when they played at the Yule Ball? Plenty of fast songs."

"Yeah, but if you listen to the lyrics they're all depressing," I said. "They're singing 'Kill me, I'm dying inside, oh woe is me I'm so alone'. They've just upped the tempo and put it in major key."

"You seem rather knowledgeable about music," said Terry.

"My mum teaches people the piano," I said, remembering the endless lessons I was forced to endure. "Me and my sister had to play. Leila was always really pissed off because I was better than her."

"I didn't know you were musical," he said.

"I'm not," I said. "Haven't played in years. Anyway, I was crap. Just Leila was crapper."

Terry laughed again. God I love his laugh.

"You'll have to play for me someday," he said. "Show me what Muggle music is all about."

"Aren't you a half-blood?" I asked.

"Yeah, dad's a Muggle-Born," he said. "He doesn't do Muggle things though. He doesn't teach me about Muggles. You'll have to be my Muggle correspondent. Teach me the ways of television and stereos and things like that."

"Lisa could," I said, pointedly. "She's got Muggle parents."

"That's true," said Terry, but he didn't seem over enthusiastic. Hmm, maybe Michael was right. I hope he does still like me. If he doesn't I am going to murder Michael and eat his brains. "We don't really talk much, though."

I winced.

"No, no," said Terry, seeing me. "Don't get the wrong impression; it wasn't meant to come out like that. We're not one of _those_ couples."

"_Those_ couples?"

"The ones that spend all their time snogging each others faces off. You know, like Michael and Cho or Ron Weasley and Lavender Brown. I say _we_ don't talk. _She_ talks. I…listen."

"You seem disheartened," I said.

"Kinda," he said. "I dunno…do you really want to hear this?"

Don't sound too eager.

1…2…3…

"Yes," I said. Bugger. I sounded eager, I just seemed like a moron who waits for ages before actually answering a question. Shit, shit, shit. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

"I'm not sure," said Terry. "I just…don't really feel right, you know? I mean, I really like Lisa, she's lovely, but I just don't think we're really on the same level…it's confusing. And I think Michael likes her, too."

"Oh really?" I said, even more interested now.

"Well, Lisa told me that he keeps going over to her recently and asking her stuff like, 'What kind of guys do you like?' and 'Do you fancy anyone other than Terry?'. And I know Michael's nosey as Hell but that's really not what you ask someone unless you like them."

It feels really good knowing something that he doesn't.

I mean _really_ good.

"I dunno," said Terry. "It's really complicated. You know what relationships can be like, Keira."

"Yes," I said. "As I have had so many. All one of them."

He laughed. God I love his laugh.

"That's not your fault. You've probably not just met anybody worth your time yet."

"I have found a guy who is worth my time. He is you. I love you and want to marry you and have your babies and maybe buy a little holiday home in mainland Spain with you."

No, of course I didn't say that. Don't think I didn't want to, though.

"Mmmm," I said, noncommittally. I didn't dare actually form words in case I accidentally said, "Take me now, I'm all yours."

So instead of declaring my love for him, telling him how I felt, begging him to forgive me for being a blind cow and asking him whether he still loved me, I asked him for a bit of advice.

"Terry…"

"Keira."

"Can I ask you something in the confidence that you will definitely not tell anyone?"

"Uh…probably."

"Ok…probably? Does this mean you might tell someone?"

"Depends what it's about," he said. "If it's one of those things where it could genuinely be catastrophic if it got around, then I wouldn't. But if it was one of those things where you don't care if people know, you're just saying it to be nice, then I will probably tell a few people. But I never let on my sources."

"This is of the 'if anyone else finds this out someone is going to be really humiliated' variety."

"Oh. Who?"

"Louise."

"Ok, I won't tell anyone then. What do you need help with?"

"Swear you won't tell?"

"I swear."

"Ok. Louise and I had a massive argument because she was being a bitch for no reason. Now I've found out that her boyfriend is going to dump her and I know I should tell her before she gets really hurt but I don't want to talk to her because she was horrible to me and anyway she probably won't believe me if I do tell her. What do I do?"

Terry frowned a bit.

"Wow, you girls do weird stuff to each other. Well, my suggestion is that you tell her. Say something like, 'I thought you should know this. You don't have to believe me, but I think you should.' Then tell her. If she doesn't believe you, then it's her funeral. And if she does, then you've done something really nice for her and you're the good person."

"Uh…you really think that'll work?"

"Yeah, worth a shot," he said, getting up and stretching. "You know what? I'm feeling a lot happier now after talking to you. About the Lisa thing I mean. See you around."

And he left, leaving me wondering why he felt better about the Lisa situation when I hadn't said anything.

**13:35  
Dormitory**

You know what? I'm not bloody surprised that Terry chose Lisa over me.

Stupid girl left her trunk open, and seriously, she has the most amazing stuff.

Not only am I doomed to be inferior in the looks department, but also in the possessions department.

For instance, my trunk is most filled with clothes. So is Lisa's. This is where the similarity ends, however. Hers is full of glitzy little tops and cute skirts and the only trousers she owns are really trendy jeans. It's all Muggle designer labels and I bet that there's nothing in there that cost less than fifty quid. My trunk is pretty much filled with T-shirts – ranging from quite new to falling apart at the seams – and plain skirts and jeans. Not horrible, but nothing special.

Shoes. Lisa does not seem to own a pair of plain shoes. They're all either covered in glitter, exotic colours or have huge heels. And there are about ten million of them. I have about five pairs of shoes and they're all flats because heels make me feet hurt and my feet are flat so I need support in the ankle. Again, not hideous, but nothing compared to Lisa's stuff.

She's got bottles of perfume that I know are all ridiculously overpriced while I just have deodorant. She has fancy moisturisers and tonnes of top-of-the-range make-up while I have a couple of eyeliners.

Basically, everything I have she has better, apart from those weird broomstick clippers that Justin got me for my birthday. Fabulous. Lisa has amazing clothes and fancy presents from her parents and the guy that I'm in love with, but it's all ok because I have a pair of broomstick clippers that my gay friend gave me! Wow, my life just got so much better! Forget the fact that I hate flying and don't own a broomstick; life is wonderful. Don't I feel lucky?

I noticed that that stupid present that Terry gave me for my birthday was lying underneath my bed. I hadn't unwrapped it; I'd been too preoccupied with the realisation that I was in love with him.

I picked it up, looking at it, and threw it back down. I kicked it under my bed.

Good riddance.

**15:20  
Potions**

Working on theory at the moment, so wasn't too upset when Ron Weasley turned around and said, "You're Keira Matthews, aren't you?" to Yasmin.

"No," said Yaz. "I'm Yasmin Moon. That one's Keira," she said, nodding towards me.

"Sorry," said Ron, not looking very sorry, and chucked a note onto the desk in front of me. I vaguely recognised the handwriting, but I didn't know where from. But who would be writing me a note in Potions?

_Hey Matthews. What's this I hear about a cosy little chat between you and Bootface earlier? M_

Ohhh. Michael. That explains a lot. I looked up and immediately caught him looking at me. He grinned and winked.

I felt bound to reply, but only to tell him that it was none of his business. However, it didn't stop there, of course it didn't. It never stops there.

_He's definitely not over you, Keira, which is good. I was having little teeny doubts, but they're all gone now. He still really likes you, which is good to know. It will make our plan easier._

Actually, Michael, I'm thinking of giving up on the plan.

_What? Why?_

Because it's all going to come flying back in my face and anyway I can't be bothered with Terry.

_That's a lie and you know it, Matthews._

It's not. I'm getting sick of waiting around. How do we know we'll pull this off? What if it all comes flying back in my face? What if Lisa is insanely in love with Terry and they go off and have really gorgeous children while I'm left broken-hearted?

_Do you really think that Terry is that good-looking? I don't really see it myself. I mean, obviously Lisa's really fit, but I'm not seeing the Terry thing, even if I bring myself to my most homosexual._

Cheeky whatsit. I always thought that Terry was good-looking. Even before I liked him I still thought he was good-looking. He is good-looking. A lot of people agree with me.

_Can we come up with a code name because he saw his name being written and I think he's getting suspicious?_

How about we just don't pass these? It's not coming to anything.

_True._

**Tuesday 20****th**** June  
****16:45  
Library**

Was happily studying (ok, not happily, but whatever) when the person that I never ever want to talk to ever again showed up.

"Oh, hi, Keira," said Adam, slipping into the chair opposite me.

"I'm busy," I said.

"Yeah, but I think we need to talk," he said. "About…you know…us."

"What about us?" I asked, in what I hope were cold and dispassionate tones.

"Well…I'm sorry about how I hurt you," he said, giving me the puppy dog eyes. Have to say, I know he's the world's biggest arsehole, but he's really good-looking. "It was really unfair of me to do what I did to you. And I do like you; you know that, don't you?"

"I don't, actually, seeing as you told the world that you only went out with me for a bet," I said.

"I handled the situation terribly," he said. "I'm sorry. I did like you, though. It's a long story."

"I have all day," I said, nastily. Ha. I rule at this giving-the-cold-shoulder thing.

"Well, in a nutshell I told Ed that I thought you were cute and he bet that I wouldn't have the guts to ask you out," he said. "I'm sorry I snapped at you like I did. After we broke up I was really upset. So…that's my side of the story. I apologise."

"Took you long enough," I said. "What I don't understand is why you humiliated me like that in the first place."

"I was annoyed," said Adam, almost exasperatedly. "You weren't listening to me. I ended up saying things I didn't mean. You were being…I don't know. Awkward. I was being an idiot, and I realise that. I'm sorry."

He gave me a look that probably should have melted me, but instead it just infuriated me.

"So what do you say?" he asked. "Do you think we can make it work?"

"What about that girl in Slytherin who you said you liked?" I asked.

"Oh God, that was never going to happen," said Adam. "She was nothing. She didn't have any…personality. Not like you. You've got…I don't know. A spark. You're special."

"Yeah, special needs," I said, darkly, before I could stop myself. "I'm a dork, Adam, you know that all too well. All the other girls you go out with are glamorous Barbie types. Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe that you want to go out with me?"

"Don't be stupid," he said, fondly. This was getting creepy now. Stop being so nice! I hate you! "You're not a dork. And you're not special needs, either. I don't think so, anyway. You're great. I like it that you're not a…whatever it's called. Barbie. What is a Barbie?"

"It's a doll," I said, impatiently.

"Yeah, one of those," he said. "You're cool because you're not one of those girls. They're so…boring. They go out of their way to impress you and usually they have nothing special about them. They're all the same. You…you're different. You're the only girl that I've ever asked to take me back. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Adam," I said, feeling suddenly really powerful, "you say that I'm so brilliant but you obviously think I'm stupid. You think I'm going to believe all this crap?" I gave him my best Worst Look as I packed up my stuff and swung my bag over my shoulder. "I'm done with guys like you."

And I stalked off, nose in the air.

The effect was ruined somewhat when I tripped over the skirting boards in the doorway and bashed my head on the doorframe.

**Wednesday 21****st**** June  
****14:50  
Transfiguration  
Passing notes**

_Kee, what's this I hear about that creep Adam Chambers asking you out again yesterday?_

Oh yeah, did I tell you? He said I was "special" and "different" and told me that he only ditched me because he had to or something lame like that. The loser. He's probably having a competition with one of his mates, you know, Who Can Screw Over The Most Girls In Two Weeks or something like that. His sort never learns.

_I know. I hope you told him where to go._

Of course. I rocked, I have to say.

_Good for you. Useless man tart. By the way, I heard a rumour that Thomas finally dumped Louise. Do you reckon it's true?_

It could be.

_I think we should probably speak to her. She'll be in a bad state; she needs all the friends she can get. I think she was under a lot of pressure when she said all that stuff. A big person would accept her apology._

Yesterday you were saying how you wanted to smash Stephen Cornfoot's brains out because he spilt pumpkin juice on your textbook.

_That's different. Stephen's an arsehole. Louise is your friend._

Stephen's your ex boyfriend.

_Yes, EX boyfriend. God, I'm so glad that _that_ died a death. He's going in the _What was I thinking?? _Pile_.

There's a pile? You've only ever had one boyfriend.

_It'll grow, you see._

What about the Harry Potter thing? I thought he was your only one and one and only.

_He is._

He's going out with that Weasley girl.

_True, but that won't last long; these things never do. He needs someone he has more in common with, like me._

Like what?

_We're both good at Quidditch._

So is Ginny Weasley.

_That's not the point. The point is that his relationships never last. He always chooses people like Cho Chang or Ginny Weasley. I mean yeah, they're pretty and popular and that, but they're not for him. He's not the kind of guy who dates that kind of girl. He'd be better off with someone like me._

Someone who stalks him obsessively?

_No, stupid._

What then? What do you have that will make Harry Potter want you so much more than he wants Ginny?

_We have to stop passing notes now, McGonagall's looking._

**17:45  
Courtyard**

Against my better judgement I decided that I was going to do the decent thing and tell Louise that Dean was going to dump her, or if he already had, console her about it.

She was easy to track down. I asked Seamus Finnigan if Dean was meeting Louise anywhere, and he told me to look in the courtyard. I figured Seamus would know where his best friend was, after all, and wherever Dean goes Louise is sure to be.

Sure enough, she was sitting on one of the benches, looking wistful and kind of upset. She gave me a killer look when I came over.

"Look, Lou," I said. Quick and to the point. Best way to do these things. "I…eh…well, I'm…sorry for, well, being…mean and saying…nasty things…ummm…I didn't mean to offend you and, well…I'm sorry."

Louise gave me another look before I saw the tears well up. To my shock she pulled me quite roughly down onto the bench and threw her arms around me. I was quite surprised.

"I'm so sorry Kee!" she wailed. "I was so unfair and I just couldn't admit that I was wrong! I didn't want to hurt you but I did and I'm so sorry! I hated not being friends with you but I was too stupid and weak to say that I was wrong! Can you forgive me?"

"Ummm…yeah," I said, slightly worried. "It's ok, Lou, we both said stuff we shouldn't have. Has something happened with you and Dean, by any chance? Coz I've heard a rumour…"

"No," said Louise, sniffing. "It's just stupid jealous people trying to ruin our relationship."

"Yeah, about that," I said, shifting slightly. "Ok, before I tell you this, remember that you're one of my best friends and I wouldn't lie to you. I'm telling you this so that you can save your ego."

"Really?" she said. I noticed that she doesn't look as pretty when she has mascara all over her face. Thinking about it, she's really looking rough. Kind of gaunt. Bags under the eyes, too.

"Well…Seamus Finnigan told me that Dean's going to dump you," I said, in what I think were gentle, caring tones. "I thought it was better that I told you so you can dump him and save face."

At this point she burst into extremely noisy tears and was inconsolable for the rest of the evening.


	20. Stalker Ahoy

**Thursday 22****nd**** June  
****11:20  
Defence Against the Dark Arts**

Louise has dumped Dean. She's distraught. She did it this morning before breakfast. According to Yasmin she turned up to Muggle Studies in floods. Eventually Professor Burbage sent her back to Ravenclaw tower to "calm down". She hasn't turned up to Defence Against the Dark Arts either. Mandy is pissed off because she has to work on her own.

"It's only Dean Thomas," she said grumpily. "It's not like she just got divorced or something. Sorry, Kee."

They've decided that they can't mention divorce around me. Thing is, I'm not too bothered about it. I don't particularly want to discuss my parents' divorce, but you can say the word in front of me. I told them this, but as usual neither listened.

"Lou really liked him," said Yasmin.

"Yeah," I said, without thinking. "He was the first person she'd ever slept with; that's a big deal."

They both looked at me agog.

Shite, I forgot they didn't know about that.

"_What_?" said Yasmin. "She _slept_ with him?"

"And she didn't tell us?" Mandy said, outraged. Mandy is, after all, Knower of All Things. (And part-time Gossip.) She needs to know these things. After all, if Mandy didn't know everybody's secrets then how would they get spread around the school?

"Uh…yeah," I said. "But she only asked me because she needed powdered unicorn horn for the contraception potion, it really wasn't my fault so please don't tell her that I told you because I swore not to mention it."

"_That's_ where my powdered unicorn horn went!" said Yasmin. "Some of it went missing about a week ago. She must have nicked it."

"Uh…no, I gave her all the stuff she needed," I said. "That must have been someone else."

"Oh," said Yasmin, frowning. "Who?"

But before we could finish the conversation Snape started getting narky.

**13:20  
Common room**

Oh my good God.

I went up in the dormitory to get my books just now and Morag was putting a big bunch of flowers on my pillow.

"Uh…Morag," I said, not nastily. "Why are you putting flowers on my bed?"

"They're not from me, don't worry," said Morag, grinning. "God, you looked positively terrified. No, some guy gave them to me and told me to put them on your pillow. There's a card and everything."

"Oh," I said, and looked at them. They were pretty, I have to say, although I had a scary feeling that they were from Kevin or someone like that. I looked at the card.

"Shit…"

"What does it say?"

Morag seized the flowers and read the card aloud.

"'Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl. Love Adam,'" she said, sniggering. "And about a million kisses. Wow, someone likes you, Keira."

I couldn't be bothered to listen to her. I grabbed them and stomped downstairs. Adam was sitting with his mates. He grinned at me as I went over to him.

"You got them, then?" he said, looking happy. "I got them from that place in Hogsmeade. You can owl order them. It's great. So what do you think? Do you like them?"

"You can keep your stupid flowers," I said, throwing them into his lap. He looked surprised. "I don't want anything to do with you any more. You can't seriously believe that I'm going to suddenly like you because you gave me flowers. You arsehole," I added for good measure.

Ha. He looked gutted. Well, that should show him. He's not going to win me over with stupid flowers. I just know that he's going to try and worm his way into my good books and then screw me over.

Well, he never will.

**18:30  
Library**

Met up with Michael to sort out how we're going to go about making Su and Lisa fall in lurve. Like the rest of Ravenclaw (and possibly the whole school) he had heard the flowers story.

"So Chambers has come sliming back, has he?" he said, almost the second we left the common room. (Another homework excuse. I'm sure that Yasmin thinks that we're secretly getting off with each other.) "I thought he was above flowers, though. He's not thick. He should know by now that you don't try and win smart girls over with flowers; it makes them feel patronised and the romance is lost on their cold, calculating minds."

"Are you saying I have a cold, calculating mind?" I asked, hurt.

"No, but you're not what I would call romantic," he said. "But then, Ravenclaw is not for romantics. It's for cynical realists. That's the thing I like about dating girls who are clever," he said, drifting off onto one of his tangents. "They like you for you, not like some girls I've dated who would fancy anyone who got them flowers or told them they were pretty."

"Have you ever dated anyone who wasn't smart?" I asked. Slightly confusing though Michael is it's nice to know that he had respect for girls. Unlike bloody Adam. Bloody idiot.

"Once," he said. "Sally-Anne. Nice girl but thick. She was just dull. I had to end it for both of our sakes."

I decided not to tell Michael what Seamus Finnigan had told me about Sally-Anne being a lesbian. Mainly for her privacy, but it wouldn't have done his ego any good. And I like Michael, I really do. At least he's trying to help me.

"Ok, down to business," he said. "You know Lisa better than I do. What kind of guys does she like?"

"Terry," I said.

Michael rolled his eyes.

"Not helping. I mean, previous boyfriends, qualities she finds attractive in guys, stuff like that?"

"Well, if we're going to make Su into one of her ex boyfriends then we need to make him into a cheating, using, lying, double-crossing, stress-inducing, back-stabbing tosser."

"You're irritating sometimes, Matthews," he said. "I'm serious. Does she like guys to make the first move? What?"

"I don't know," I said. "We should ask Padma."

"I'm not getting Padma in on this," said Michael. "She's too clever. She'd work out what we were up to in a second. She can practically read minds, that girl can."

"Well I don't know much about Lisa," I said. "I don't know…hang on a second."

"What?"

"Well, when I was eleven, I got picked to be in the school play."

"What?"

"I went to Muggle school, remember this," I said. "And in Muggle school at Christmas the classes put on a play each. When I was eleven my class did a simplified version of this play called _Much Ado About Nothing_. I got chosen to be Hero who was like the heroine person."

"Do I really care?"

"It was a big deal for me," I said, defensively. It was, as well. It was the first decent part I'd ever had. The year before that I had been a carrot. I had two lines. And one of them was "I am a carrot". It's hardly a satisfactory role. "Anyway, in this play there are these two characters called Beatrice and Benedick and they don't like each other…"

Michael put his head back and pretended to snore very unattractively.

"Oh shut up. The other characters decide to set them up. So what they do is the fool them into thinking the other one's in love with them. And it works. Maybe we should try that."

Michael gave me a Look.

"This is a Muggle play," he said. "It was probably written by some Muggle loser who had no real talent who spent their life writing school plays for little kids to act appallingly."

"Uh…no, it wasn't actually, it was by William Shakespeare. He was one of the greatest Muggle writers in recorded history," I put in. "He could give all these wizards a run for their money."

"I don't care if he's Beadle the bloody Bard," said Michael. "The fact is that this is a story. It will not work in real life."

"How do you know?" I said. "We could send Lisa a love letter or something and say it was from Su. Then she would see him in a New Light."

"Do you honestly think that will work?" said Michael, looking at me pityingly. "The best that will happen is that she'll be a bit flattered and have to let him down gently. And he'll be bloody confused."

"Maybe that's not true," I said. "We can't judge unless we try."

Michael rolled his eyes.

"Well, ok, Matthews," he said, "but remember, it's your funeral. You're the one who wants her to dump Terry, not me. So if it doesn't work, you're the one who suffers."

"I know that," I said. "But I think it will work."

"What, because some dead Muggle wrote about it in a play and it worked?"

"Shut up. It will work."

"Seriously, it won't…"

"Are you on my side or not?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"So shut up."

"I'm just saying…"

"Don't."

"Fine. I won't."

"Good. Don't."

"I won't," he said, smugly, leaning against a tapestry. Or at least, he tried to. As it happened, the tapestry in question was hanging over a doorway. He fell right through it and I could hear him shouting from behind it.

"What bloody idiot decided to put this sodding…Don't think I can't hear you, Matthews! Stop laughing and help me up; I think I've done something to my ankle."

With great difficulty I stopped laughing and stepped through the tapestry myself. Because it was dark I managed to step on Michael.

"OWWWW! Bloody Hell, Matthews, what was that for?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to; I can't see. Where are you?"

"Down on the floor. You just stepped on my foot."

"Oh. Ok, try and grab my hands."

Something arm-like hit me in the stomach quite hard.

"Sorry, was that you?"

"Yes."

"Well you did step on me."

"That was an accident."

"So was that!"

"What are we even doing in here anyway?"

"I can't get up. I think I've buggered up my foot."

"OWWWWW!"

"That was my hand!"

"I think I hit my head."

"Where are you?"

"You just elbowed me in the face."

"Sorry."

I couldn't help it; I just started to laugh. The whole ridiculousness of the situation was hilarious. I mean, I was lying on a hard stone floor in the dark with Michael Corner. You have to appreciate the hilarity of the situation.

"What the Hell are you laughing at?" he asked, grumpily. This just made me laugh even more. When I got the point of uncontrollable hysterics, I heard him laughing as well. We were just lying on the floor laughing.

It was probably a good thing that at that moment somebody pulled back the tapestry because otherwise we would have been lying there for ages.

"What the _fuck_?"

I stopped laughing quite quickly and propped myself up on my elbows so I could see. Eddie Carmichael was standing there with a disgusted look on his face, and behind him I could distinctly see Jonathan Bradley and Adam Chambers. The looks on their faces made it very clear exactly what they thought Michael and I were up to.

"Oh, hi Bradders," said Michael, looking as normal as possible, but I noticed he was finding it hard not to smirk. "You're not having a Quidditch practice tonight, then?"

"Evidently not," he said, eyebrows raised. I could feel myself going red. "Gotta say, I don't think much of your choice of places. Not what I would call romantic, really. Or private," he added, distastefully.

Adam seemed to be beyond speech. With satisfaction, I realised that he's a lot less attractive when his mouth is wide open.

"You do realise that you could get into serious trouble for doing it in a corridor, don't you?" said Eddie.

Michael blanched.

"We weren't doing anything!" he said. "I fell over and she fell on me."

"That's a new one," said Bradley. "I'll remember that one."

"It's true," I said. Bradley looked at me. He looked a bit amused. "You should have seen him. It was hilarious. He thought he was all cool and then he fell through the wall and…and…"

And I was off again. I was doing my uncontrollable laughing in front of three seventh year boys. Fantastic.

"Seriously," said Michael. "We weren't doing that. I'm much more of a gentleman than to do it in a corridor. So don't worry, Adam," he said, grinning up at him in a way that was not very sensible. "You haven't got any competition from me."

"Oh shut up," said Adam, finding his voice again. "It's none of your business."

Michael attempted gallantly to heave himself up but failed the second he tried to stand on his left foot. He collapsed in a heap.

"Owwwww," he moaned, clutching his ankle. "I need to get to the Hospital Wing."

"Wuss," I said, standing up quickly, although I was really relieved to have an excuse to get away. "Come on, I'll take you."

With some difficulty I managed to haul him up so he had on arm around my shoulders and could limp along using me as a support. Great, I was a human crutch. Adam and co were giving me the weirdest looks I had ever been fixed with as I helped Michael out of the secret corridor. To my horror they followed.

"What?" I said, trying to be a cool as possible.

"We're coming too," said Bradley, shortly. "I thought that would be obvious."

"Uh, yes, but why?" I asked.

"Why not?"

Resisting the urge to go, "Sod off," I just grimaced. Sadly I also didn't look where I was going and smacked into a suit of armour.

"Bollocks!"

By the time I'd regained my sight, I noticed that Michael was leaning on Bradley's shoulder rather than mine. Fantastic. Now we were never going to get rid of them.

"Do you mind?" I said, pointedly.

"Nope," said Bradley, cheerfully. "You're evidently not careful enough to look after this poor injured boy. So I'm going to accompany him."

Michael gave me an apologetic look. I glowered at him throughout our entire trip to the Hospital Wing. By the time we got there Madam Pomfrey was not looking happy.

"It's a bit late, isn't it?" she asked.

"This kid's had a fall," said Bradley. "We reckon it could be a sprain."

"I'll be the judge of that, thank you," said Madam Pomfrey tetchily. So much for healthcare. They should call it health reluctant. "Come over here."

She dragged Michael off of me and hauled him across the Hospital Wing. You could see him wince. It made me laugh a bit.

To my utter surprise I noticed that none other than Su Li was sitting in one of the beds looking thoroughly pissed off. I caught his eye and went over to him, leaving Adam, Bradley and Carmichael behind muttering amongst themselves.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi," he said, not seeming too happy to see me.

"Why're you in?" I asked.

"Accident in Transfiguration," he said bitterly, lifting up the blankets to reveal what looked like dog legs. "It's not healing very well. I don't know what happened to make it stick but it's not good."

"Ouch," I said, faking sympathy whilst trying not to laugh.

And then I had the brilliant idea. The most brilliant idea I have had in a while.

"So that's what Lisa meant," I said, thoughtfully.

He frowned.

"Sorry?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that Lisa told me to tell you to get well soon," I said, uber-casually. "I didn't know you were in here. Now I realise what she meant."

"Lisa? Really?"

I couldn't work out if he seemed happy or not.

"Yeah," I said.

There was a really awkward silence. I hate it when that happens. I should have picked someone easier to talk to for the plan. Su's ok and everything but we don't have much in common. To be honest he doesn't have much in common with anyone. He hangs around with Stephen and Kevin sometimes but most of his friends are Hufflepuffs.

"I really don't see what you see in her."

My ears pricked up. That was Bradley's voice.

"Do you, Ed?"

"Not really. She's not even that fit."

Su realised I was listening in, but Bradley, Carmichael and Adam didn't. They were whispering away to each other, blissfully unaware that Su and I had stopped talking.

"I don't care what you guys think," said Adam, sounding a bit ticked off. "I love her and I want her back."

"They can't be talking about me," I muttered to Su. "They can't be."

Su gave me a How-thick-are-you? Look and whispered back, "They obviously are."

"Even now she's been fucking that Corner boy in the corridors?"

Su gave me an alarmed look. I shook my head violently and carried on listening.

"She doesn't love him," said Adam stoutly. "I know she likes me. She just needs some time to realise it."

"Sure," said Bradley. "Look, mate, not that you're not way too good for her, but she quite obviously isn't interested. Look at how she reacted to the flowers. She's obviously one of these frigid girls."

"She's not frigid," said Adam, pathetically. "I think I'm in love with her."

I could feel my heart sink. Oh God.

As if on cue, Michael came bounding up.

"All better," he said brightly. "Oh, hello Su," he added upon seeing who I was with. "You not recovered yet?"

"No," he said, grumpily.

"Shame," said Michael. "Well, come on Matthews, we must dash."

Su and I exchanged looks.

"Bye then," I said.

"Seeya," he said, and then added so only I could hear it, "Stalker ahoy."

Shit.


End file.
